Psssst, wanna know a secret?
of 19 votes, 37% like it
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The key to life is locked in a safe.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
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When will mechanical pencils write for themselves?
of 20 votes, 35% like it
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I followed the yellow brick road and look were it got me.
of 22 votes, 50% like it
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I never know when to use apostrophy's.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
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Toilet paper inspires me to be clean.
of 15 votes, 33% like it
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You provide the cheese and I'll provide the grill.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
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Instead of shouting I prefer to write in CAPS.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
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If you're always right then you belong on my team.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
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I only weigh myself before and after I poop.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
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Pheromone activating device.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
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I only respond to codewords.
of 18 votes, 39% like it
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God made me funky.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
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I only use scotch tape after a long day at the office.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
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BTW, grammar has gone the way of the dodo. ROTFLOL!
of 11 votes, 18% like it
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Resistance is futile unless you are a part of The Resistance.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
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Hand sanitizer: helping to create super germs.
of 11 votes, 45% like it
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I'll bet you a dollar that you read this sentence.
of 14 votes, 29% like it
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Static electricity keeps me grounded.
of 13 votes, 31% like it
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I surf the sea of emotions.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
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I like my peanut butter nutty.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
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Paper airplanes are better than the real thing.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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There's no excuse for having no excuse.
of 22 votes, 32% like it
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I like to picnic with teddy bears.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
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Milk: It prevents decalcification.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
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Recycle your newspaper and make origami.
of 14 votes, 36% like it
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Grapes don't deserve to be stepped on.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
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Organic is the new black.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
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Prevent wedgies and go commando.
of 18 votes, 44% like it
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Double dipping is negligible contamination.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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The dog didn't eat my homework. I just didn't do it.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
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I believe in Bigfoot, Nessie and world peace.
of 18 votes, 39% like it
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Be forewarned: I suffer from selective attention.
of 18 votes, 39% like it
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I specialize in the psychology of awesomeness.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
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My lack of creativity is due to an unmotivated right brain.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
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My natural glow has been known to make some people blush.
of 20 votes, 30% like it
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I've got world domination on my mind.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
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Papers shredders should learn how to recycle.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
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I'd like to request a spoiler alert ahead of time.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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I am a part of a group of individuals.
of 33 votes, 27% like it
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I yawn because they are contagious and not because I'm bored.
of 14 votes, 29% like it
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Like all good ideas this sentence was thought up in the bathroom.
of 30 votes, 33% like it
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Minimalism is designer speak for laziness.
of 35 votes, 74% like it
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Laughter makes me do the happy dance.
of 21 votes, 38% like it
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Babies make the world a better place. Except when they poop.
of 21 votes, 24% like it
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As I look at you all I see are a bunch of falling green letters.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
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Save the bees: they help keep the world sweet.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Driving a stick shift is like watching TV without a remote, hard.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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If life's a beach then I've got a sun burn.
of 23 votes, 30% like it
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I grind rails not coffee.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
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I only fall down for the push ups.
of 25 votes, 12% like it
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An eye for an eye will only result in partial blindness.
of 38 votes, 68% like it
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Sometimes I just sit alone, scratch my head and wonder why.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
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I'm only lazy when I am awake.
of 36 votes, 53% like it
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Sketchbooks are to humans as corn fields are to aliens.
of 21 votes, 57% like it
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If all men became priests then humanity would go extinct.
of 34 votes, 3% like it
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Fact: I am faster than 100 percent of all snails.
of 38 votes, 32% like it
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I use headphones to block out the noises in my head.
of 42 votes, 24% like it
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I really really really really really like ice cream, a lot.
of 30 votes, 20% like it
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When I grow up I want to be a swashbuckler.
of 31 votes, 42% like it
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I spike my hair for self defense.
of 36 votes, 67% like it
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The best part of a ham sandwich is the hypotenuse.
of 40 votes, 50% like it
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I make great animal sounds. Pinch me for a live demo.
of 28 votes, 32% like it
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I can read your mind. Yes.
of 50 votes, 56% like it
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Pinch me once, shame on you. Pinch me twice and I pinch back.
of 42 votes, 45% like it
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cut and paste. Where would I be without
of 56 votes, 73% like it
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A lifetime of bacon trumps the slim chance of eternity in heaven.
of 41 votes, 39% like it
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My inbox is bigger than your inbox. And that's not a good thing.
of 39 votes, 31% like it
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No sledding in the cemetery. It'll wake the dead.
of 47 votes, 53% like it
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I am a vegan trickster. Want to taste some tofu bacon?
of 41 votes, 32% like it
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This is my Handkerchief whenever no one is looking.
of 68 votes, 56% like it
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All you need to do to join my fan club is give me a hug.
of 34 votes, 38% like it
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Four words: listen to the woman.
of 43 votes, 30% like it
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Please do not lean on torso.
of 40 votes, 45% like it
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My life fits in a manila folder.
of 52 votes, 46% like it
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This is me in high definition.
of 45 votes, 49% like it
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What kind of egg are you?
of 42 votes, 38% like it
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I used to be fierce. Now I'm ruthless!
of 43 votes, 26% like it
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