A slice of pi is always original.
of 26 votes, 12% like it
|
Polka dots really know how to get down.
of 25 votes, 12% like it
|
Spinach: Proven to increase bicep size (in sailors only).
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
|
I might be a little weird but I am very friendly.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
Sexy is relative.
of 27 votes, 19% like it
|
Drawers keep shirts safe, but they can't draw for beans.
of 29 votes, 17% like it
|
|
Turquoise: kind of green, sort of blue, and very indecisive.
of 34 votes, 53% like it
|
Mangos. Such a sexist fruit.
of 31 votes, 35% like it
|
In case of fire: stop, drop and boogie the night away.
of 28 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Teleporters will one day deem email obsolete.
of 40 votes, 13% like it
|
The truth should never be harder than hunting for unicorn.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
Science is magical.
of 27 votes, 33% like it
|
|
If baseball is America's pastime then what's wiffleball?
of 26 votes, 15% like it
|
Hallucinations are ok if you've got an imaginary friend nearby.
of 30 votes, 43% like it
|
I know just enough to be confused.
of 30 votes, 53% like it
|
|
If bridges were indestructible, would you still burn them?
of 24 votes, 13% like it
|
I'm an egg beater. Sue me.
of 30 votes, 13% like it
|
Instead of using the asterisk key I like to throw ninja stars.
of 22 votes, 55% like it
|
|
Beware, surveillance cameras are in constant use.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
I admit I am not an alpha male, but I am a beta boy.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
I'll be your scapegoat if that means I get to ram you with horns.
of 22 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Ninjas, they're just naturally good at hide and seek.
of 24 votes, 58% like it
|
I miss your voice. Call, don't text.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
Optical zoom should be a default feature of the human eye.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Being green is as easy as finding a yellow and blue marker.
of 17 votes, 29% like it
|
Moderation is key. Now can I have more advice?
of 24 votes, 8% like it
|
Geeks don't skip. They tab.
of 19 votes, 32% like it
|
|
65 is the original 140.
of 22 votes, 9% like it
|
CAPS LOCK: for moments when an exclamation point is not enough!
of 26 votes, 50% like it
|
The only chemistry I know is synthesized by Cupid's arrow.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Imagine if keyboards actually hit back.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
Evil people cut grass and actually enjoy it.
of 24 votes, 46% like it
|
I'm sure grass grew fine before humans existed. Save water.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Lycanthropes: always ready for a good costume party.
of 24 votes, 8% like it
|
Strawberry fields forever means one thing: infinite shortcake!
of 24 votes, 29% like it
|
Pilates keep pirates busy when they aren't pillaging.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
|
If MacGyver was in a pickle, he'd probably eat his way out.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
|
Soap: curing foul mouths since 2200 BC.
of 18 votes, 17% like it
|
Donating blood has its benefits: free snacks.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Toe jams keep me from walking in other people's shoes.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
Decanting sounds like a very, very naughty word.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
I'd love to have interchangeable facial features sans potato.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Nothing clarifies the mind like meditation, beer and failure.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
|
Even Bigfoot knows that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist.
of 25 votes, 48% like it
|
Actually, microphones aren't small and can't even make any calls.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
|
There's no I in TEAM but T, E, A, and M are pretty darn good.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
All of my wisdom is tucked away in the corners of my mouth.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
I'd sing my heart out but I think that would be kinda painful.
of 26 votes, 42% like it
|
|
Even Bigfoot knows that that Abominable Snowman doesn't exist.
of 26 votes, 62% like it
|
Multi-touch reinvented the way I twiddle my thumbs.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
Permanent markers: A drunk man's worst enemy.
of 31 votes, 65% like it
|
|
Symmetry looks very asymmetrical to me.
of 29 votes, 31% like it
|
In M.C. Escher's garden, weeds are a never ending problem.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
|
I'm waiting for the day when I can do exercise in pill form.
of 30 votes, 50% like it
|
|
The only avatars I know are scattered around the Internet.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
Restless brain waves keep my dreams alive.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Excuse me while I defragment my brain.
of 33 votes, 45% like it
|
|
The banana is a day trippers worst enemy.
of 24 votes, 46% like it
|
The more they say stop, the more they mean go.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
Psssst, wanna know a secret?
of 23 votes, 30% like it
|
|
The key to life is locked in a safe.
of 27 votes, 33% like it
|
When will mechanical pencils write for themselves?
of 29 votes, 48% like it
|
I followed the yellow brick road and look were it got me.
of 32 votes, 59% like it
|
|
I never know when to use apostrophy's.
of 24 votes, 42% like it
|
Toilet paper inspires me to be clean.
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
You provide the cheese and I'll provide the grill.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
|
Instead of shouting I prefer to write in CAPS.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
If you're always right then you belong on my team.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
|
I only weigh myself before and after I poop.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Pheromone activating device.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
I only respond to codewords.
of 26 votes, 54% like it
|
God made me funky.
of 25 votes, 20% like it
|
|
I only use scotch tape after a long day at the office.
of 25 votes, 12% like it
|
BTW, grammar has gone the way of the dodo. ROTFLOL!
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
Resistance is futile unless you are a part of The Resistance.
of 19 votes, 32% like it
|
|
Hand sanitizer: helping to create super germs.
of 17 votes, 59% like it
|
I'll bet you a dollar that you read this sentence.
of 19 votes, 32% like it
|
Static electricity keeps me grounded.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
|
I surf the sea of emotions.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
I like my peanut butter nutty.
of 24 votes, 8% like it
|
Paper airplanes are better than the real thing.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
|
There's no excuse for having no excuse.
of 29 votes, 38% like it
|
I like to picnic with teddy bears.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Milk: It prevents decalcification.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Recycle your newspaper and make origami.
of 21 votes, 52% like it
|
Grapes don't deserve to be stepped on.
of 20 votes, 30% like it
|
Organic is the new black.
of 27 votes, 26% like it
|
|
Prevent wedgies and go commando.
of 25 votes, 48% like it
|
Double dipping is negligible contamination.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
|
The dog didn't eat my homework. I just didn't do it.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
|
|
I believe in Bigfoot, Nessie and world peace.
of 28 votes, 57% like it
|
Be forewarned: I suffer from selective attention.
of 22 votes, 36% like it
|
I specialize in the psychology of awesomeness.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
|
My lack of creativity is due to an unmotivated right brain.
of 23 votes, 35% like it
|
My natural glow has been known to make some people blush.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
|
I've got world domination on my mind.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
|
|
Papers shredders should learn how to recycle.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
|
I'd like to request a spoiler alert ahead of time.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
I am a part of a group of individuals.
of 37 votes, 30% like it
|
|
I yawn because they are contagious and not because I'm bored.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
|
Like all good ideas this sentence was thought up in the bathroom.
of 33 votes, 33% like it
|
Minimalism is designer speak for laziness.
of 42 votes, 79% like it
|
|
Laughter makes me do the happy dance.
of 23 votes, 35% like it
|
Babies make the world a better place. Except when they poop.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
As I look at you all I see are a bunch of falling green letters.
of 22 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Save the bees: they help keep the world sweet.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
Driving a stick shift is like watching TV without a remote, hard.
of 26 votes, 15% like it
|
If life's a beach then I've got a sun burn.
of 25 votes, 32% like it
|
|
I grind rails not coffee.
of 26 votes, 19% like it
|
I only fall down for the push ups.
of 27 votes, 11% like it
|
An eye for an eye will only result in partial blindness.
of 46 votes, 74% like it
|
|
Sometimes I just sit alone, scratch my head and wonder why.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
I'm only lazy when I am awake.
of 40 votes, 58% like it
|
Sketchbooks are to humans as corn fields are to aliens.
of 28 votes, 68% like it
|
|
If all men became priests then humanity would go extinct.
of 36 votes, 3% like it
|
Fact: I am faster than 100 percent of all snails.
of 40 votes, 30% like it
|
I use headphones to block out the noises in my head.
of 45 votes, 22% like it
|
|
I really really really really really like ice cream, a lot.
of 34 votes, 21% like it
|
When I grow up I want to be a swashbuckler.
of 33 votes, 42% like it
|
I spike my hair for self defense.
of 43 votes, 70% like it
|
|
The best part of a ham sandwich is the hypotenuse.
of 43 votes, 51% like it
|
I make great animal sounds. Pinch me for a live demo.
of 31 votes, 29% like it
|
I can read your mind. Yes.
of 54 votes, 57% like it
|
|
Pinch me once, shame on you. Pinch me twice and I pinch back.
of 43 votes, 44% like it
|
cut and paste. Where would I be without
of 62 votes, 76% like it
|
A lifetime of bacon trumps the slim chance of eternity in heaven.
of 44 votes, 39% like it
|
|
My inbox is bigger than your inbox. And that's not a good thing.
of 42 votes, 31% like it
|
No sledding in the cemetery. It'll wake the dead.
of 50 votes, 54% like it
|
I am a vegan trickster. Want to taste some tofu bacon?
of 43 votes, 30% like it
|
|
This is my Handkerchief whenever no one is looking.
of 73 votes, 59% like it
|
All you need to do to join my fan club is give me a hug.
of 37 votes, 38% like it
|
Four words: listen to the woman.
of 45 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Please do not lean on torso.
of 42 votes, 48% like it
|
My life fits in a manila folder.
of 55 votes, 47% like it
|
This is me in high definition.
of 48 votes, 52% like it
|
|
What kind of egg are you?
of 44 votes, 36% like it
|
I used to be fierce. Now I'm ruthless!
of 46 votes, 24% like it
|
