If the shoe fits...you're still missing a shoe.
of 45 votes, 9% like it
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Hey, Jude. Stop being a wussy.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
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See this? This is my "don't care" face.
of 25 votes, 8% like it
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Turn Signals: ooh, lookit the pretty flashing lights!
of 16 votes, 6% like it
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Support your local coup d'etat.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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It's nothing personal. I just profoundly dislike you as a person.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
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You're an offense to all six of my senses.
of 17 votes, 35% like it
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Currently loading application "witty-response.exe"...
of 24 votes, 8% like it
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I don't suffer from my condition. I enjoy it a great deal.
of 27 votes, 11% like it
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I'm sick of your bull. I'm more a fan of horses anyway.
of 19 votes, 5% like it
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I'm managing my anger just fine, butthead.
of 26 votes, 23% like it
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Common sense is a federal offense.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
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I'm under the influence. (It likes to be on top.)
of 28 votes, 14% like it
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Whatever key you're singing in, you need to change the lock.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
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Dating a math teacher can only end in a long division.
of 38 votes, 24% like it
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_t's always fun unt_l someone loses an "I".
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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Beat it with a tire iron. That always works for me.
of 23 votes, 17% like it
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Books: the real director's cut.
of 29 votes, 21% like it
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BECAUSE I SAID SO! (See how dumb that sounds, Mom & Dad?)
of 21 votes, 14% like it
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I have an okay memory, except sometimes...wait, who are you?
of 28 votes, 29% like it
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I'm a cat lover who wears black shirts. I was asking for trouble.
of 27 votes, 19% like it
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To hell with profanity.
of 24 votes, 29% like it
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If nothing's blown up or been set on fire, it's been a good day.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
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Left Wing or Right Wing - you all taste like chicken.
of 23 votes, 39% like it
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Everyone living in a yellow submarine must be awfully cramped.
of 32 votes, 31% like it
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It turns out there are MANY things that will change my world.
of 22 votes, 5% like it
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The revolution will be preempted by a special news bulletin.
of 24 votes, 8% like it
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We interrupt this televised revolution for a news bulletin.
of 24 votes, 13% like it
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Where's that giant planet-killing meteor when you need it?
of 19 votes, 21% like it
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I miss the days when a blackberry was just a fruit.
of 20 votes, 30% like it
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I'll stick with the old black, thank you.
of 27 votes, 7% like it
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I lost my mind when my skull decided to outsource.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
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I'm not stubborn, I'm just right all the time.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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I don't believe in hypnotism, it's HOW MAY I SERVE YOU, MASTER?
of 17 votes, 12% like it
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Hyperbole is so overrated.
of 22 votes, 32% like it
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STOP CARING. It's done wonders for me.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
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Nuclear Physics or Stand-Up Comedy: you can bomb either way.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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Just lead me to the desserts and no one has to suffer.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
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Mass Destruction: the ultimate weight-loss program.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
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Can you turn down the volume on the soundtrack of your life?
of 11 votes, 18% like it
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I'm into World Domination. No leather or whips required.
of 12 votes, 25% like it
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Crush! Kill! Destroy! Then Brunch.
of 12 votes, 25% like it
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Go away, I'm busy being unproductive.
of 10 votes, 30% like it
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Of course I care! Oh wait, I'm thinking of someone else.
of 11 votes, 36% like it
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OBJECTION! Sorry, I've just always wanted to say that.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
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Betcha ten bucks I'll never gamble again.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
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fI uoy nac daer siht, uoy thgim eb cixelsyd.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
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Party like it's 1984
of 18 votes, 22% like it
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Tell Google Earth to stop spying on my house.
of 23 votes, 48% like it
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I'm not a doctor, I just watch dozens of medical shows.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
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Who needs a medical degree when you have reruns of doctor shows?
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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If you like me as I am now, you should see the unrated version.
of 14 votes, 21% like it
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Writers like it rough-drafted.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
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I'm just watching for the twist ending.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
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Predicting the apocalypse spoils the ending.
of 20 votes, 25% like it
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I'm your blues, brother.
of 19 votes, 5% like it
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Just keep throwing fireballs till your super meter is full.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
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If I should die before I wake, be sure to shut off my alarm clock
of 23 votes, 48% like it
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I see your stupid question and raise you a stupid answer.
of 19 votes, 21% like it
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I demand a demonstration with puppets.
of 21 votes, 38% like it
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It's not really "common" sense if nobody's using it.
of 20 votes, 35% like it
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I'm not coming out till someone hits my entrance music.
of 26 votes, 42% like it
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The Queen left for the Knight and stuck me with the check, mate.
of 25 votes, 24% like it
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See in standard-def. Think in HD.
of 13 votes, 15% like it
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The knight is darkest just before the pawn.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
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I'm the eighth word you can't say on television.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
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You are perfectly entitled to your mistaken opinion.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
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Ignorance is... something-or-other.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
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Mob Mentality: Because 100 judgmental psychos can't be wrong.
of 22 votes, 32% like it
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The soundtrack of your life is stuck inside my head.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
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Ladders get me high.
of 27 votes, 37% like it
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Call me if you need me. Also, don't need me.
of 26 votes, 27% like it
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Please shut your mouth before I Photoshop it off your face.
of 32 votes, 53% like it
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I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. [CTRL-Z]
of 27 votes, 26% like it
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Real gamers use cartridges.
of 27 votes, 30% like it
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Please take note of my brilliance for future reference.
of 23 votes, 30% like it
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I'm so retro I haven't been born yet.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
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I'm the Before. Care to join me for the After?
of 19 votes, 21% like it
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I will NOT get off my high horse (It took me to forever get here)
of 31 votes, 13% like it
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My mind's an open book (but I can't get past the title page).
of 32 votes, 25% like it
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CAUTION: Contents may break into song at any moment.
of 37 votes, 24% like it
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WARNING: Contains adult language and snide commentary.
of 8 votes, 0% like it
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You're trying to make sense again. Stop that.
of 47 votes, 30% like it
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I no longer fear Hell, for I have worked customer service.
of 48 votes, 33% like it
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I'm unrated with hours of special features.
of 46 votes, 26% like it
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