Butmyface
of 55 votes, 2% like it
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Sorry, your boobs look just like someone I knew in High School.
of 55 votes, 16% like it
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What day is it? I've been playing Halo.
of 55 votes, 11% like it
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Only fool's use contraction's
of 52 votes, 6% like it
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It was a lot warmer when I left the house
of 50 votes, 20% like it
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I bet you were hot before you did that to your face
of 50 votes, 16% like it
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How appropriate, you fight like a cow
of 50 votes, 12% like it
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You forgot to give us homework!
of 50 votes, 6% like it
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Fine Corinthian Shirt
of 51 votes, 4% like it
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this song sucks
of 50 votes, 10% like it
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RISK has taught me never to underestimate Australians
of 51 votes, 20% like it
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Remember when it was a big deal to say you'd been in Paris?
of 51 votes, 10% like it
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If you're looking down here, you'll never pick me out of a lineup
of 49 votes, 14% like it
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What's the deal with unisex names?
of 49 votes, 6% like it
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I'll take this attention as a desire to hear my conspiracy theory
of 49 votes, 20% like it
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If this shirt is dirty, please remind me to buy napkins.
of 49 votes, 18% like it
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I don't really think I'm a vampire, but goth chicks are easy
of 50 votes, 10% like it
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Too much self-respect never got anybody laid
of 49 votes, 16% like it
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A good zombie plan involves having a really slow friend
of 48 votes, 27% like it
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Screech turned down the lead in my life story
of 48 votes, 6% like it
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Ask me about the Fed Ex arrow
of 48 votes, 13% like it
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More like M. Night Shamalame
of 48 votes, 10% like it
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This should distract you while I think of the perfect come-back!
of 48 votes, 13% like it
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I get the God's Chosen part, but how do you live without bacon?
of 49 votes, 20% like it
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If you lived in my ribcage, you'd be home now.
of 48 votes, 15% like it
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While you're reading this, I'm winking at your girlfriend
of 48 votes, 19% like it
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The terrorists are winning the War on Shoes
of 49 votes, 4% like it
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If you can read this, my section sucks at The Wave
of 48 votes, 6% like it
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Go team Catholic!
of 48 votes, 6% like it
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Note to self: Stop writing on your shirts
of 48 votes, 15% like it
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Arr, and it's drivin' me nuts!
of 49 votes, 16% like it
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I like my women like my coffee - in a big sack drug behind a mule
of 48 votes, 10% like it
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Good in every position
of 48 votes, 13% like it
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Aw, this is terrible! Want to try?
of 48 votes, 2% like it
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Jr. Brown Coat
of 54 votes, 2% like it
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Nature loves a Swiffer
of 54 votes, 6% like it
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Senator Craig gives great bathroom BJs
of 54 votes, 2% like it
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You may have seen me in such movies as "Cheap Date I & I
of 54 votes, 4% like it
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What's a Leonard Nimoy?
of 54 votes, 11% like it
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Bilbo Baggins: Greatest little Hobbit of them all
of 54 votes, 17% like it
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Airport bathroom foot toucher
of 54 votes, 17% like it
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Once around the pan with EVOO
of 54 votes, 6% like it
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I Beta Tested your girlfriend.
of 54 votes, 9% like it
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Your mom's rated E for everyone.
of 53 votes, 15% like it
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Don't pour salt in your eyes... pour salt in your eyes!
of 54 votes, 4% like it
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Billie Jean IS my lover.
of 54 votes, 9% like it
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If you squint, I look just like my Match.com picture
of 54 votes, 11% like it
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Oprah's in my book club
of 48 votes, 15% like it
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It didn't suck until you got here.
of 48 votes, 21% like it
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I was disappointed in Britney's Vajayjay
of 48 votes, 10% like it
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Go down three blocks and take a left. You're welcome.
of 48 votes, 19% like it
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I could tell you, but then I'd have to say something trite.
of 48 votes, 15% like it
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Now you're on the trolley!
of 47 votes, 9% like it
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Hankerin' for a hunk a cheese
of 49 votes, 6% like it
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Am I the only one who sees how big Giada's head is?
of 48 votes, 13% like it
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I love vegans. More steak for me!
of 48 votes, 15% like it
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I wouldn't eat cows if they'd stop hiding steaks under their skin
of 48 votes, 33% like it
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100% New Material
of 48 votes, 13% like it
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That's my penultimate answer
of 48 votes, 19% like it
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Lay off, I'm starving!
of 48 votes, 8% like it
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You had me at No Thanks.
of 47 votes, 19% like it
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I've got lots of change, thanks for asking!
of 48 votes, 25% like it
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I'm not crying, I just got something in both eyes.
of 48 votes, 19% like it
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Good lord! What could that be?
of 48 votes, 6% like it
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A finger is worth a thousand words
of 47 votes, 19% like it
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I'm thinking of a finger
of 47 votes, 9% like it
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Remember when I used to be cool?
of 47 votes, 11% like it
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If I wanted to be Just Friends, I wouldn't have all these roofies
of 47 votes, 17% like it
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Whats taters precious?
of 47 votes, 6% like it
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WTT: 10,000 spoons for 1 knife
of 47 votes, 4% like it
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I'm just sexy enough for my shirt.
of 48 votes, 21% like it
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*ring, ring* Sorry, I've gotta take this.
of 48 votes, 10% like it
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You should have seen the shirt I was wearing yesterday!
of 48 votes, 19% like it
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Hold on, I'm just about to do something awesome.
of 48 votes, 27% like it
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With you it's real! The other 43 girls didn't mean a thing to me!
of 48 votes, 17% like it
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There's a WMD in my pants
of 48 votes, 13% like it
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If I had $5 for every time someone stared at my chest... Pay up.
of 47 votes, 13% like it
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Balls to you, sir!
of 47 votes, 13% like it
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