My friends,

If you know me well than you know that I care about the Threadless community in a way so profoundly deep, that it cannot be adequately put into words. And so, as a bright New Year looms on the horizon, I, Lester Francis, would like to present a proposal that will reinforce the foundation of Threadless thus ensuring a stronger future.

I hereby propose that, effective immediately, Threadless eliminate all XL, 2XL and 3XL guy and girl sizes from her catalog and from all future printings. Why do you ask? Let me tell you. Threadless is the most popular online t-shirt company on the planet and it needs to stay that way. However, as more and more overweight people are seen lumbering about town wearing Threadless designs, the company that you and I love will most definitely lose it’s popularity.

It is my opinion that the best way for Threadless to stay on top, in addition to keeping a healthy supply of GLENNZ designs stocked, is to sell shirts EXCLUSIVELY to people with fit, attractive bodies.

There’s no doubt about it, anybody who wears an XL size or higher is undeniably FAT. Plain and simple. There’s no way to argue otherwise. And if you’re fat and wearing a Threadless design, then you’re making Threadless appear shamelessly weak and unattractive. Nobody relevant wants to wear the same apparel as some sad, pathetic, lethargic mass of failure dragging himself down the street sweating profusely whilst stuffing his fat, fat face with bon-bons.

If you can’t fit into a large without stretching or breaking the seams, then you should be denied the privilege of wearing and representing Threadless. Threadless tees should fit only the best among us. Again, they should never fit sad, portly individuals who sweat gravy and don’t take proper care of themselves. Fat people have never been and never will be stylish, so why should they wear stylish, trendy designs?

Now, eliminating the sizes fatties wear is just phase 1 of my proposal. In addition, I am also urging Threadless to eliminate all S and XS sizes from the guys catalog. Real men wear, at least, a tight fitting medium. Why is Threadless catering to dwarves? It honestly doesn’t make a lick of sense. I don’t care how great a t-shirt design is, if it fits comfortably on a small man, then it’s hurting the future of Threadless.

Now, most of you will probably come to the conclusion that eliminating all of the sizes that I have proposed will result in fewer sales for Threadless. This may be true in the short term. However, it is easy to see that within a few years time, as Threadless designs no longer appear in public printed on fat and elf sizes, sales of normal sizes will increase exponentially, quickly recouping any previous losses and ultimately create spectacular profits. My friends, it is simply a no-brainer.

Stand with me, and together; we’ll make Threadless even better!

- Lester Francis

Hello my friends,

It has been several months since I have visited the Threadless forum. With GLENNZ up and gone, it hardly seemed worth returning. But oh! How I have missed all of you dearly! Perhaps it is time once again for a robust discussion of recent design trends?

Please take a moment to post some of your favorite Threadless designs of late and we shall deconstruct and discuss!

- Lester Francis

THE FRETSEL CHALLENGE.

Attention Alumni:

You’ve got a purple shield next to your name. Do you think you have what it takes to become the next DESIGN TIMBERWOLF? The design which finishes with the highest score will receive the coveted title. There can only be one true winner, in the tradition of GLENNZ.

In addition, you will be squared off directly with yours truly. Oh! What an embarrassment it would be, to be beaten by Lester Francis!

The theme of the competition: LOVELY LADIES

The design deadline: December 8, 2008. (all designs must be submitted on December 8.)

The winner will receive this handsome, custom-engraved DESIGN TIMBERWOLF award:



If you’re brave enough to accept the challenge then you must respond in this blog with the following statement: "YES, I ACCEPT THE FRETSEL CHALLENGE."

IMPORTANT: The competition will be forfeited if I do not receive at least 25 Alumni YES answers by Friday (October 31 - Midnight Chicago time.) All who sign up and make the participants list are expected to submit a finished design. Dropping out is not an option. If I do not receive a finished design from each signed participant by the contest’s end then I will be crowned the next DESIGN TIMBERWOLF by default.

THREADLESS ALUMNI ONLY.

THE PARTICIPANTS:

* Tonteau
* oJimo
* tesco
* wullagaru
* fatheed
* ladrones
* valorandvellum
* WhitneyBeth
* Torakamikaze
* andyg
* olie!
* thunderpeel

Gather around, my friends, and hear the tale of GLENNZ:

He began as a mere wolf pup suckling on the fragile teat of a fledgling Threadless. Through many moons, he was nurtured into a scrappy adolescent, bent on gnawing his way to the top of the pack. He forged white-hot, molten talent into one unforgettable design after another. Each more witty and delightful than the last! Before long, GLENNZ had annihilated the competition, showering the hills with bones and entrails of amateur “designers.” High atop the jagged rocks of success, GLENNZ stood proudly as a lone timberwolf. His triumphant design howl echoed throughout the land, violently piercing the ears of any unfortunate creature who dared to question him. Threadless Mountain was his dominion.

Yes, the mighty GLENNZ had mastered the art of competitive t-shirt design. With print after print (including multiple reprints,) GLENNZ continued to grow stronger and stronger. He had the unbridled power of TEN Design Timberwolves… plus two! His talent quickly spiraled out of control, eventually becoming bigger than GLENNZ himself and it wasn’t long before hearty wings of breathtaking, ivory feathers began to sprout from his lush, bushy back. Like an elegant flower, GLENNZ had blossomed into an unstoppable, PEGASUS DESIGN TIMBERWOLF, and as Threadless Mountain could not be scaled any higher, it was time for GLENNZ to thrust his mighty wings and soar into the Heavens. Once there, he would create his own, lucrative, GLENNZ t-shirt website.

The people of Threadless Mountain were devastated in the wake of GLENNZ’s absence. What were once reliable voters died off by the hundreds, and designers who, at one time, feared the shadow of GLENNZ broke the Threadless Code of Honor and began subbing to other inferior websites. Threadless Mountain became a fragile shell of what it once was. Its only source of hope, inspiration and regeneration, was the occasional, post-departure, GLENNZ reprint.

Will GLENNZ someday return to Threadless Mountain and replenish its ailing life force? Only time will tell. In the meantime, I believe that we must crown a new DESIGN TIMBERWOLF. That is where you come in, my friends.

Will you accept the FRETSEL CHALLENGE?

This time around, a collective display of Alumni cowardice will lead to the ultimate crumbling of Threadless Mountain.

Will you stand up?

Details and sign up to follow later this week.

-Lester Francis

My friends,

I've read a number of blogs here in recent weeks where otherwise sane people have suggested that someone responsible for a winning slogan should be given Alumni status, more money and more attention.

BALDERDASH.

Let's face it. In the end, no matter how witty your slogan may be, people will not wear it unless it is converted to an attractive design by a talented designer at Threadless. It's all about design. NOT the slogan. If it was all about the slogan itself, then why wouldn't Threadless just print the slogans in Arial Black and one ink color?

It doesn't work that way, my friends. The way I see it, Threadless shouldn't even credit the person who came up with the slogan. This site is about design. Slogan creators should be given $100 or so and walk away happy. That's it. If they really want to be Alumni and win big money, they should start focusing on design. That's why people come here.

A slogan creator should never be viewed on the same level as a brilliant designer like, say GLENNZ. It's just not fair and it's simply ludicrous to even suggest otherwise. Remember that.

Let's end the discussion once and for all.

-Lester Francis

As many of you are well aware, Mr. Chow Hon Lam (aka Flying Mouse) has been awarded Threadless prints on what appears to be a near weekly basis. Today it happened again with the brilliantly executed, “I Got Another Whale.” It goes without saying that Mr. Lam’s talent is undeniable. He deserves a collective congratulations from us all.

Many of you scratch your heads in disbelief whenever a new Chow Hon Lam print is unveiled. “How does he do it?” you say to yourself. My friends, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. Allow me to elaborate.

You see, “Flying Mouse” is not Mr. Lam’s only account. In fact, Mr. Lam has been printed thrice under the name “Feishu." It is my belief that anyone printed using several different accounts must, in turn, be the phantom creation of an even larger account. They say that two wrongs don’t make a right, but in this case that is simply balderdash. Consider if you will, the following equation: Flying Mouse + Feishu = GLENNZ. Yes it is true. Chow Hon Lam is a fake persona created by the legendary GLENNZ.

It is no secret that GLENNZ is Threadless’ greatest designer and source of greatness. GLENNZ single handedly nurtured Threadless from a sickly, elephant embryo to the strapping, unstoppable MAMMOTH that it is today. It is because of GLENNZ, and GLENNZ alone, that Threadless has had the ability to stampede through the marketplace a winner, goring the competition with its mighty ivory tusks of success.

Make no mistake about it, there is an undeniable correlation between the decline of GLENNZ design submissions and the explosive rise of Flying Mouse/Feishu creations. That is why there is no question in my mind, that Mr. Lam is a clever fake account created by GLENNZ, allowing the master to dabble in different styles without becoming the victim of brand name blowback.

Whichever name he chooses, GLENNZ is Threadless Royalty, and his collective 32 prints deserves a hearty round of applause. GLENNZ's ability to play different roles and fool us all tickles my funny bone and makes me shake my head in wonder!

GLENNZ, in addition to being everybody’s favorite Design Timberwolf, you sir are a rascal! Kudos to that!

This is not the official sign up blog, but am t0ying with the idea of relaunching the FRETSEL CHALLENGE.

Right now, I am seeking the advice of the original Frestel Desciples. They will ultimately determine whether I put it all on the line and give LOVELY LADIES another go. I am also open to any suggestions.

ATTENTION THREADLESS STAFF: I believe that "THREADLESS LOVES LOVELY LADIES" would make a spectacular Loves contest.

Why can't women design?

I have raised this topic in previous blogs, and people jumped all over me. They said I wasn't being fair. I will admit that I
did generalize a bit. Unfortunately, I didn't provide, you the readers, any hard facts. For that I apologize.

Well, today I have randomly selected 6 designs from the Threadless archives. 3 from male designers, and 3 from female designers. The comparisons are startling, but don't take my word for it. Just have a look for yourselves...

3 MALE designs






3 FEMALE designs





Let's face it, folks... women have a long way to go in the design world.

You know who you are.

Everytime you blog about Threadless' competition, the good people at Threadless die a little inside. They may never admit this, but I know that they all feel this way. Why don't you just stick a pencil in Shimala's heart instead? In essence, that is what you are doing when you blog about DBH.

Stop giving attention to an inferior, upstart company who merely thrives off printing Threadless' table scraps.

Stop cheating on Threadless.

If a design isn't good enough to be printed at Threadless, it isn't good enough to be printed anywhere. End of story.

Greetings Threadless.

It’s your old pal, Lester Francis. Otherwise known as Fretsel. Many moons ago, after the Alumni cowered in fear from “LOVELY LADIES,” I swore never to return to these hallowed grounds again. I have always believed that any promise worth making, is a promise worth keeping. Yet today, I stand before you an unshackled man. My promise has been broken and I have effectively returned to the electronic, halcyon village known as the Threadless blogosphere. Why? Because whether you want to admit it or not, you need me here.

One of the reasons I have decided to return coincides with the announcement of the Threadless Bestee Awards. While I applauded the idea in the beginning, I am now boycotting them because I believe that one of the categories belittles the really important ones (i.e. Best Designer, Best Design, etc.) The category I speak of is the “Best Unprinted Designer Award.”

Do you mean to tell me that someone who simply straddled the print threshold once or twice, is now, all of a sudden, going to walk away with $5,000? This category also awards the artist with his or her first print, which ironically, cancels out the award itself. This being the case, shouldn’t the Bestee award immediately be taken away after being placed in the winner’s hands? That would be the only way to compensate for the paradoxal title. How can one be both the recipient of a print and be awarded for being unprinted?

Awarding somebody for the non-occurrence of an event is beyond ludicrous. That’s like handing someone a giant bowling trophy for “not bowling 300.” If this award is in fact given out, Threadless may be in danger of creating an irreversible rip in the space/time continuum which could ultimately put Design By Humans on top. Listen, the “best unprinted designer” should be rewarded the same way everybody else is. When someone creates a design that voters react overwhelmingly favorably to, they should be printed and walk away with the traditional $2,500 in cash and credit. GLENNZ never got $5,000 for his first print. Nor did he for his next seventeen winners. That’s not right.

In light of the “Best Unprinted Designer” award folly, I am hereby recommending that Threadless “save face” and scrap the “Bestees” altogether. I do believe, however, that some kind of Threadless awards are still in order. That is why I have cobbled together a quick, yet effective, award substitute. My friends, allow me to propose…

“THE GLENNZ AWARDZ FOR THREADLESS EXCELLENCE”

The GLENNZ AWARDZ would be substantially smaller in scale than the Bestees. Fewer awards given out would render the winners more weight, meaning and value. The categories? Also considerably different. Yet, more prestigious. Simply stated, the GLENNZ AWARDZ would be an annual celebration honoring GLENNZ and the best GLENNZ designs produced each year (which is all of them.)

In the ceremony, GLENNZ would be seated high atop a golden throne donned with a crown and scepter. Attractive young ladies draped in elegant gowns, would stand by GLENNZ’s side, fanning him with oversized fern leaves whilst he sips wine from a golden chalice. All the while, GLENNZ would be presented with award after award, and he would then describe the thought process that went into each particular GLENNZ masterpiece. To be fair, as Threadless is a community, awards wouldn’t be limited exclusively to GLENNZ. There would be a few honorary GLENNZ CHOICE AWARDZ where GLENNZ would designate his favorite non-GLENNZ designs as winners.

In my view, GLENNZ will always be the “Designer of the Year” and Threadless should honor him for this in a big way. This shouldn’t just be about 2007, but for all of GLENNZ’s previous years of Threadless design greatness. When Threadless was fledgling a few years ago, GLENNZ’s designs served as a virtual dinner bell for t-shirt enthusiasts. When Threadless posted a new GLENNZ print, people flocked to the site and hemorrhaged money. GLENNZ put Threadless on the map, and has proven time and time again, that he is the truly the greatest. People like Flying Mouse may be the flavor of the month, but rest assured, GLENNZ will always be number one. And… if GLENNZ and Flying Mouse were ever in a fight, GLENNZ would win.

I hope that you get behind me on this one, Threadless.

It’s good to be back.