I'm gonna be another year older soon, and I really dread it.
What they say about the years just rolling by after the age of 21 is true.. and boy is it not funny.
I feel crap because career-wise, I'm not where my peers are. In fact, I'm not where I wished I would be.

I'm saying all that here 'cos none of my peers come in here.
And I feel safe.

Lately I've been looking through my options for insurance - both health and investment ones - and I can't help feeling swamped by all the numbers and statistics.

And it dawned onto me that with the amount of money I spent on the last batch of t-shirts I ordered from threadless, that could pay for 1/2 a year's worth of premium for a basic health policy.

That put things in perspective.

This time, when the Threadless sale came around, I didn't bother asking around who was interested to share the shipping cost. I just went right ahead and ordered my shirts. Hell, being miss nicey sure doesn't get me any of my fav tees!

Currently at a crossroad, career-wise. For all that time, energy, blood and tears I shed for work, I wanna see returns. And if I don't... then it might not be worth hangin' onto.

Life is precious. Some say life is wonderful, but many would debate on that. Whatever it is, life is unpredictable.

I went out with some of my ex secondary school (aka high school) friends yesterday, to witness the last event at the National Stadium before it was declared officially closed. It will be torn down soon.

We were talking abt some old school mates, and lo and behold, I found out that one more had committed suicide.

I use the word one 'more' as we already had 3 deaths (within our batch) to date.

That was until I discovered another person, this time from our own squad, had taken her own life a few years ago as well.

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Wang Wengsheng
1981 - 1995

Well-liked, head prefect who excelled in all academic subjects, was in one of the best classes, and had an exceptional talent for art. Thus it was a shock to all that he hung himself with his dad's shirt (or tie, but I think it's shirt) during the lunar seventh month. Rumours flew around like crazy when no one knew why he did what he did, especially since the Hungry Ghost Festival was during the lunar seventh month.

To those not familar with the chinese culture, the Hungry Ghost Festival is believed to be the time (around a month) when the gates of hell are opened and the spirits are free to roam earth before they have to go back to hell. There many instances of unnatural happenings during this time, so people are normally extra cautious to make sure they do not offend 'anything'.
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Cindy (not sure about her last name)
1981-1996

She lied about something to get attention, but when the truth was found out, she must have felt the pressure too much to take.

She took her own life shortly after by jumping down a block of flats. I'm not close to her so I don't know all the details. She was from the Symphonic Band.
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Chin Yaoping
1981-2002

He and a group of ex high school friends decided to go to Australia for a holiday. They took turns to drive, and on that fateful day, he and another guy switched shifts. He drove when it was supposed to be the other guy. He was also the only one who died when a truck / lorry rammed into the driver's side of the car.

The guy who was supposed to be driving, never became the same after that. I heard that to this day, he is still mentally ... different (I hesitate to use the word 'unstable'). Guilt does things to your mind.


Chen Huijing
1981 - 2002? 2003? Not sure

She was a tall girl even in secondary school. She was also the head of the competition team in our squad for the girls' division. Later on, she became Miss Photogenic in a Miss Chinatown pageant.

Unfortunately, she was also in and out of hospital for depression and suicide attempts. I guess she was so determined she wouldn't stop until she made it happen.


Lau Gek How
1981-2007

'Ishi Lau Gek How, a member of the hip-hop dance group SOUL who shot to fame in Channel U’s SuperBand, was found dead in a car yesterday afternoon outside the National Stadium. The actual cause of death is still unknown, although the rumour now is that the 25-year-old committed suicide.

Shinmin Daily reported that Ishi had a girlfriend. He was then reportedly pursued by another girl. He later broke up with his girlfriend and fell in love with the other girl. However, she had already found someone else by then.

A family friend told the newspaper that a day before he died, Ishi had sent an SMS to this girl, wishing her happiness.

Family friends told The New Paper that Ishi's body was cremated yesterday.

The police have classified it as unnatural death and are investigating.'
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I attended high school with all of these people. And they are no more.
How come so many from my batch took the easy way out? How come the cause of death is always so mysterious?

It's creepy.

I am so sick of this industry. I always knew it would be hard to survive in here, not just because of the nature of the work, but because of the nature of the industry and the way it functions. You have to put in lots of time, effort and have good people skills, lacking of which would put you in the danger zone, double time.

Office politics. Having misunderstandings with the wrong people can be deadly. Having people talking behind your back and giving you the cautious look can be a stumbling block in getting things done. Not knowing who you can trust can make you feel so alone. Feeling like you'll never be understood nor heard can be extremely frustrating.

It's becoming increasingly unpleasant. I used to like it here at first, but a change of teams and some office reshuffling has left me wondering how I can surive in this office without feeling like an outsider. Who I can trust, whose advice is worth heeding. I'm really starting to hate it here, where people are quick to judge, criticise and yet never in the mood to hear explanations.

This industry is so fake. Remember the movie 'The Devil Wears Prada'? The person I'm under is like that, but a male version. Except that, in real life, no one is able to excel THAT well like Anne Hathaway's character in the movie did. You either have really good contacts, or very lucky. In her case, she had both. Oh, and a well-scripted scenario, too.

I don't know if I should cut my losses or push on and persevere in achieving my goals. I don't want to back out prematurely, but neither do I want to bang my head against the wall. I don't want to lose my life, my friends and basically other things that keep me balanced.

I really don't want to lose sight of me, the uncorrupted one as it still is, but I also don't want to lose sight of what I want.


So I guess the question is, what do I want MORE?

... all because I was waiting for my colleagues to confirm their orders so we could all order together and save on freight charges.

DANG.

Next time, I'm not waitin' for nobodY!!!!

.... all 5 if them! They're great!!

I chanced upon this site when it was having its spring sale (even though I had no idea about the sale when I ordered) and bought 5 at a go. The wait was painfully long (I collected my shirts more than a month later -- today) and I didn't get the free gift, but hey, the price is really reasonable (even after conversion), even if the freight charges AREN'T! ;-p Still... LUUUUUURVE the shirts. Now I'm tempted to get more. Argh!!!

I just wish I can find more Singaporean Threadless addicts so we can pool all our orders together and get them at a better price. Interested parties please reply! ;-)

Will post pics of my buys soon.

Perhaps it's the loss of privacy in my previous blog.. or perhaps it's the alcohol I've had tonight.. but you know that feeling of being surrounded by people but still feeling like the loneliest person on earth?

...... I hate that feeling.

Some people are afraid of losing sight of themselves.

I'm afraid I'll never find myself.

I sincerely believe that the Japanese are 80% responsible for the diminishing numbers of wildlife in the ocean.

Can somebody tell these maderfiakers whales and dolphins are NOT meant to be eaten???? I really wish the UN or the bigger powers would do something about all the killing they're doing in their oceans and in oceans that are off limits to them.

The whole world does NOT belong to them, and what it has to offer AREN'T theirs to plunder.

How Japanese kill dolpins:
www.glumbert.com/media/dolphin


But But BUT. I want you to know that

IT IS NOT LATE TO SAVE THE DOLPHINS!!

Just visit the following link and sign for their protection

www.petitiononline.com/golfinho/


Al Gore, how about a movie about the atrocities of the Japanese, ranging from humans to friendly dolphins to the majestic whales? The oceans cover 70% of the earth's surface, and surely, all its disappearing wildlife would mean an imbalance to the environment somehow. Please please do. Or the only way people will remember Japan, is by that biased movie Letter to Iwo jibai or Memoirs of a Peisha. (spelling errors intentional)

I'm so gonna watch the Rape of Nanking when it finally comes out in cinemas. The book made me cry, I think I better bring a box of tissues to the cinema. Oh, and some tea bags for my puffy eyes the day after.

Sometimes I wonder where would I be if my grandmother was killed during the WW2.







She was from Nanking.