If you don't know Mike, you don't know Life, man.

He has the coolest dance moves this side of the Mississippi and knows exactly what you're thinking all of the time. His favorite color is the color of a sword going through a bad dude's heart. His favorite song is girls because he gets so many of them like whoa. He also happens to be one of my best friends so you can put that in your butt and smoke it.

It's weird when you meet someone who just kind of clicks with you and matches with every aspect of your character so well, but I'm not complaining. Mike is one of the funniest guys I know. He has a kind soul and is more talented in pretty much everything than he often gives himself credit for. He's modest and humble and fun to be around even if I can't tell if his eyes are open or not lololo.

I'm not sure why he doesn't have girls swarming around him to fellate every piece of skin on his body, but he should because he probably tastes like Kool-Aid and Bagel Bites and action movies starring Jackie Chang and when you look into his eyes, it's like the first time you watched Pokemon: The First Movie.

Happy birthday, Mike. I hope your day is filled with mad cute girls and pizza pancakes out the wazoo.