F--k It. I'm Throwing It Downfield.


Is that Berrian? I think he's triple-covered. You know
what? Fuck it. I'm throwing it downfield.

Yeah, I see Jones open on the flank. But fuck that.
Dumpoff passes are for faggots. I'm fucking Sexy Rexy
Grossman. I can get that ball in there. And, even if I
can't, I bet I'll be able to pull it off the next go
round. I like throwing the ball long. It makes my dick
hard.

What's that? I should throw a quick slant? Fuck that.
That's gay. Button hook? Gay. Flare out? Gay. Screen
pass? Kevin Spacey gay. This is fucking football. You
can't just expect wins to come to you. You can't
massage that shit. You gotta grab that game by the
throat and rape the ever-loving shit out of it. You
think a 5-yard out is gonna win you a game? You're a
pussy. This ain't John Shoop running this offense.
Sexy Rexy's got the arm. The dragon. You gotta unleash
the dragon.

Okay, I'm throwing it. Nice. Look how far it went. I
look good. I bet I made that Pats cheerleader wet her
panties with that throw. She fucking wants me. I bet
she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with
100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.

Oh shit. Looks like Samuel caught it. Again. Oh well.
It still felt fucking great to throw that shit. Tell
me that wasn't one of the prettiest passes you ever
saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long
the next time we hit the field. I'm gonna throw it
even longer. Harder. You see that kid in wheelchair
sitting in the end zone bleachers? I'm gonna nail him
right between the fucking eyes with a Sexy Rexy
fastball. Why? Because I can.

This is Rex Grossman we're talking about here. We're
talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I'm
not just a gunslinger. I'm a cumslinger. Throwing that
ball long tells all the Rexettes that I am fucking out
there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love
the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I'll tease
them with a pretty touch pass every now and again. But
then I'm gonna go right back to pumping that ball out
for all it's worth. It tells them I throw like I fuck.
That's how we do things in the sexy business.

Tell me you're not turned on right now. I am.