a problem starting sentences.
of 34 votes, 18% like it
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A shirt in hand is worth two in the wash.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
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All this time I thought risque was a French board game
of 48 votes, 31% like it
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An exclamation point is just an l on its period.
of 40 votes, 28% like it
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Blazes of glory are overrated. I prefer campfires.
of 31 votes, 29% like it
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Claustrophobia: The fear of generous fat men
of 27 votes, 11% like it
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Curiosity killed the cat, but the dog got hit by a truck.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
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Don't give monkeys any crap. They will throw it.
of 53 votes, 21% like it
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Don't hate The Game, hate 50 Cent.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Flash fires leave me breathless.
of 43 votes, 5% like it
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Flat-Earth Enthusiast
of 34 votes, 21% like it
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Gone daydreaming. Back in 10 minutes.
of 80 votes, 36% like it
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Guns don't kill people. Sharks kill people.
of 92 votes, 30% like it
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Hooray, it's the weekend! Oh, wait, I don't have a job.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
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I can predict the future. [on the back] Can too!
of 28 votes, 25% like it
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I didn't wear this yesterday, I just have two of these shirts.
of 51 votes, 20% like it
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I don't shake hands. I know where mine have been.
of 39 votes, 23% like it
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I don't take sex lightly. I do it for the kids.
of 11 votes, 18% like it
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I hate logic (no particular reason)
of 53 votes, 25% like it
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I have super bad vision. Everywhere I look, I see McLovin.
of 27 votes, 7% like it
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i just called to say i love you. oh, and feed the dog.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
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I'm down with penguins.
of 51 votes, 33% like it
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I'm hungry. Feed me or I'll bite you.
of 45 votes, 16% like it
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I'm so apathetic, I don't even know if I'm wearing this shirt
of 36 votes, 22% like it
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If God meant for us to fly, he would have given us more legroom.
of 158 votes, 48% like it
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If ignorance is bliss, why are you so angry?
of 25 votes, 20% like it
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It's not my fault I'm irresponsible
of 50 votes, 22% like it
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Kids are like goats.
of 38 votes, 18% like it
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Kiss me. I'm not Irish, but I'm a good kisser.
of 12 votes, 50% like it
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Let's not, say we did, then do it and say we didn't. Ow, my head.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
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Life is short. Build a robot.
of 28 votes, 43% like it
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Misery is a lumpy pillow.
of 31 votes, 10% like it
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My grandpa beat up your grandpa.
of 33 votes, 27% like it
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My parents would love you. Get away from me.
of 54 votes, 22% like it
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One time I got hit by a car. Now I'm someone else's shirt.
of 34 votes, 15% like it
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Opposite Day Enthusiast
of 46 votes, 15% like it
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Puddles. Because pugs and poodles should totally get together
of 58 votes, 34% like it
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RASPUTIN LIVES
of 12 votes, 25% like it
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Rules: Suggestions in disguise
of 40 votes, 15% like it
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Sorry. Sometimes I just lick things.
of 38 votes, 29% like it
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Spelling: The bane of my existennce.
of 39 votes, 18% like it
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Stare all you want. I'm getting this booger out.
of 32 votes, 25% like it
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Starvation: The world's oldest diet
of 2 votes, 50% like it
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The world is my canvas and ketchup is my paint.
of 29 votes, 21% like it
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This is my colon -> :
of 35 votes, 11% like it
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Usually I free birds. Other times I dump tap water into the ocean
of 26 votes, 19% like it
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Veni, vedi, viscus - I came, I saw, I failed Latin
of 101 votes, 49% like it
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WARNING: I kick cats.
of 45 votes, 16% like it
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Well, this shirt IS a napkin.
of 35 votes, 14% like it
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What Would Teddy Ruxpin Do?
of 39 votes, 5% like it
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When I was a kid, I styled my own hair. Then the syrup ran out.
of 30 votes, 23% like it
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Yay for sarcasm!
of 44 votes, 20% like it
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YELL MORE
of 40 votes, 10% like it
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Yoga: Relax your mind, it will.
of 43 votes, 9% like it
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You can't kid a kidder, but you can put sugar in his gas tank.
of 39 votes, 18% like it
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Your passport: Don't leave Rome without it
of 34 votes, 18% like it
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FRICKNAWESOME
shakethesheets
ofthecoast
