Beards are like blankets for your face.
of 49 votes, 47% like it
|
I'm greater than less than.
of 52 votes, 25% like it
|
Don't take life too seriously. Life just wants attention.
of 51 votes, 33% like it
|
|
I fight sleep with insomnia.
of 48 votes, 31% like it
|
I don't like to run, except when I'm being chased.
of 46 votes, 26% like it
|
Mushrooms think I'm a fungi.
of 42 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Astronauts look down on the world.
of 75 votes, 32% like it
|
Rome wasn't built in a day, but Lego Rome was built in two.
of 51 votes, 37% like it
|
I tell short stories. The End.
of 63 votes, 41% like it
|
|
I played The Game of Life and died.
of 44 votes, 23% like it
|
I protect food with my stomach.
of 41 votes, 27% like it
|
I give astronauts their space.
of 49 votes, 39% like it
|
|
I ask my wisdom teeth for advice.
of 45 votes, 33% like it
|
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you weigh?
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
I'm a stormtrooper. I like to go outside when it rains.
of 50 votes, 22% like it
|
|
I love weather.
of 42 votes, 12% like it
|
Trees root for me.
of 56 votes, 32% like it
|
I don't trash talk, I recycle talk.
of 64 votes, 34% like it
|
|
Oranges can't rhyme, but they can concentrate.
of 47 votes, 49% like it
|
My thumbs gave me two thumbs up.
of 15 votes, 27% like it
|
If your name is Bread, you're toast.
of 51 votes, 39% like it
|
|
It's hard to be original, especially if you're a clone.
of 54 votes, 37% like it
|
Beethoven is a dog and a composer.
of 39 votes, 23% like it
|
My goal in life is to count to infinity or die trying.
of 35 votes, 23% like it
|
|
What do genies wish for?
of 55 votes, 24% like it
|
I found my calling in a phone booth.
of 57 votes, 30% like it
|
In the future, I'll be old.
of 59 votes, 41% like it
|
|
I don't talk to myself, I talk to my clone.
of 44 votes, 27% like it
|
My bed and I are sleeping together.
of 69 votes, 46% like it
|
Today in History: Something in the past happened.
of 56 votes, 34% like it
|
|
Mimes give me the silent treatment.
of 51 votes, 41% like it
|
Bare Feet: They're not just for bears anymore.
of 40 votes, 23% like it
|
The weather is taking the world by storm.
of 47 votes, 26% like it
|
|
I am Fe Man.
of 28 votes, 11% like it
|
Today in History: You read my shirt.
of 58 votes, 26% like it
|
Sleeping is the easiest way to time travel.
of 49 votes, 53% like it
|
|
lol stands for leg of lamb.
of 57 votes, 14% like it
|
I'm so hungary I could eat turkey.
of 67 votes, 24% like it
|
Small dogs are like barking cats.
of 41 votes, 27% like it
|
|
I lost a bet and now I can't find it.
of 66 votes, 18% like it
|
Google is searching for me.
of 71 votes, 38% like it
|
Counting. It's as easy as 1, 3, 7.
of 60 votes, 33% like it
|
|
When I get in bed, I go undercover.
of 49 votes, 27% like it
|
You know what's striking? Lightning.
of 41 votes, 20% like it
|
You know what shocks me? Electricity.
of 59 votes, 36% like it
|
|
Music is for treblemakers.
of 70 votes, 31% like it
|
Do black holes think they suck?
of 66 votes, 41% like it
|
My goal in life is to count to infinity or die trying.
of 49 votes, 31% like it
|
|
My camera won the Oscar for Best Picture.
of 52 votes, 21% like it
|
Doug is Funnie.
of 63 votes, 5% like it
|
Fires are addicted to smoking.
of 57 votes, 7% like it
|
|
In the time of chimpanzees, I was a Beck song.
of 68 votes, 13% like it
|
Oceans wave at me.
of 52 votes, 40% like it
|
I like pi. It tastes like 3.14.
of 53 votes, 15% like it
|
|
When I listen to music, I get hungry like the wolf.
of 64 votes, 16% like it
|
For some reason, the FBI wants me.
of 45 votes, 18% like it
|
Cloning helped me find myself.
of 70 votes, 44% like it
|
|
I read too much into things. Like books.
of 61 votes, 25% like it
|
Save the world. My name is World.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
I take showers in the rain.
of 62 votes, 21% like it
|
|
On the Road, I met Jack Kerouac.
of 39 votes, 15% like it
|
I'm a balloon, but I'm not up for it.
of 41 votes, 15% like it
|
I like ranch, but I'm not a rancher.
of 22 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Clones are not original.
of 27 votes, 22% like it
|
Know your roots, especially if you're a tree.
of 64 votes, 33% like it
|
Archaeology left me in ruins.
of 72 votes, 39% like it
|
|
A piano found my keys.
of 23 votes, 30% like it
|
I exercise by running out of ideas.
of 68 votes, 40% like it
|
Dear Gravity, I think I'm falling for you.
of 80 votes, 44% like it
|
|
Time travel really brings me back.
of 58 votes, 40% like it
|
Hot dogs bark.
of 56 votes, 9% like it
|
The wind blows my mind.
of 66 votes, 17% like it
|
|
At least the FBI wants me.
of 37 votes, 27% like it
|
Ears are good listeners.
of 51 votes, 27% like it
|
I wear asteroid belts.
of 39 votes, 26% like it
|
|
Synapses get on my nerves.
of 37 votes, 51% like it
|
My genes don't fit.
of 34 votes, 53% like it
|
I eat ice cream on Sundae.
of 27 votes, 41% like it
|
|
Email knows where it's @
of 28 votes, 57% like it
|
Sushi got the raw end of the deal.
of 49 votes, 55% like it
|
If you're drawing a blank, use a pencil.
of 37 votes, 51% like it
|
|
Bowling pins are on strike.
of 35 votes, 40% like it
|
Dracula likes to count.
of 40 votes, 43% like it
|
Pi tastes like 3.14
of 43 votes, 44% like it
|
|
Trees have no where to go but up.
of 51 votes, 45% like it
|
Martians often feel alienated.
of 43 votes, 37% like it
|
Geology knows how to rock.
of 45 votes, 51% like it
|
|
If the end draws near, draw something else.
of 40 votes, 53% like it
|
Board Games: The Number One Cause of Monopolies.
of 39 votes, 41% like it
|
And on the 7th day, God folded laundry.
of 49 votes, 41% like it
|
|
The metric system goes the extra kilometer.
of 36 votes, 44% like it
|
Don't waste time, recycle it.
of 36 votes, 64% like it
|
I replaced college with Wikipedia.
of 33 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Hamlet's do this.
of 32 votes, 22% like it
|
Big Brother is watching you read 1984.
of 42 votes, 43% like it
|
Fractions see the glass as 1/2 full.
of 47 votes, 43% like it
|
|
You can always count on numbers.
of 37 votes, 57% like it
|
I have one degree in Fahrenheit and the other in Celsius.
of 36 votes, 56% like it
|
The rulers I know are a foot tall.
of 31 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Sheep count humans at night.
of 37 votes, 46% like it
|
A tree stumped me.
of 39 votes, 49% like it
|
Antarctica: Where Cool Stuff Happens.
of 41 votes, 66% like it
|
|
I wish classical music would make a comebach.
of 47 votes, 55% like it
|
I have never made a misteak.
of 42 votes, 52% like it
|
Geometry helps me stay in shape.
of 42 votes, 43% like it
|
|
Oversleeping keeps the dream alive.
of 39 votes, 59% like it
|
If you think you can, you're aluminum.
of 41 votes, 56% like it
|
Frankly my dear, I like movie quotes.
of 43 votes, 58% like it
|
|
Dictionaries fill my life with meaning.
of 49 votes, 55% like it
|
A fortune cookie predicted we would meet here.
of 49 votes, 51% like it
|
Chess pieces sleep at knight.
of 49 votes, 43% like it
|
|
If the walls talked, I would be fluent in wall.
of 42 votes, 40% like it
|
Nature was born to be wild.
of 49 votes, 39% like it
|
I'm a fan, but not an oscillating one.
of 43 votes, 47% like it
|
|
Fingers make a point.
of 42 votes, 40% like it
|
I avoid diseases like the plague.
of 47 votes, 64% like it
|
Whales listen to Moby.
of 42 votes, 33% like it
|
|
I have been reincarnated as a slogan.
of 41 votes, 29% like it
|
True or False: This is a test question.
of 39 votes, 44% like it
|
Pangaea was split up for being a monopoly.
of 47 votes, 38% like it
|
|
Alfred Hitchcock gave me vertigo.
of 35 votes, 34% like it
|
Libraries do it by the book.
of 39 votes, 49% like it
|
I invest in Bonds, James Bonds.
of 39 votes, 49% like it
|
|
I get heroic in phone booths.
of 46 votes, 48% like it
|
My invisibility cloak is not working.
of 43 votes, 53% like it
|
Antonyms are celebrating opposite day.
of 36 votes, 44% like it
|
|
My train of thought is running on schedule.
of 43 votes, 42% like it
|
My alphabet soup tells me things.
of 48 votes, 58% like it
|
Music is nothing but treble.
of 46 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Dr. Frankenstein is a bodybuilder.
of 47 votes, 57% like it
|
Time travelers are ahead of their time.
of 46 votes, 57% like it
|
"No comet," said the flying space rock.
of 40 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Mathematicians know their limits.
of 41 votes, 54% like it
|
Artists win, lose, or draw.
of 35 votes, 51% like it
|
Evolution still hasn't given me mutant powers.
of 37 votes, 51% like it
|
|
In a plerfect world, I would spell things correctly.
of 38 votes, 50% like it
|
Sinatra is too frank.
of 41 votes, 41% like it
|
I'm in the middle of an inspirational montage sequence.
of 38 votes, 42% like it
|
|
With great brainpower, comes great eccentricity.
of 55 votes, 51% like it
|
Puzzles all want a piece of me.
of 47 votes, 51% like it
|
I've been moonlighting as a werewolf.
of 48 votes, 44% like it
|
|
I opened Pandora's Box and recycled it.
of 52 votes, 40% like it
|
Insomnia helps me stay up at night.
of 48 votes, 54% like it
|
"Cheerio," said my cereal.
of 42 votes, 45% like it
|
|
Negative people need a proton injection.
of 48 votes, 56% like it
|
Zombies speak a dead language.
of 44 votes, 57% like it
|
When hell freezes over, I'm making snow angels.
of 55 votes, 51% like it
|
|
I fight flies with chopsticks.
of 55 votes, 42% like it
|
If you like answering questions, raise your hand.
of 52 votes, 46% like it
|
I cloned myself to hug more people.
of 46 votes, 43% like it
|
|
After years of searching, Waldo found himself.
of 55 votes, 60% like it
|
Organic: Another word for expensive.
of 45 votes, 53% like it
|
It's hard to stay positive when there's so many electrons.
of 50 votes, 66% like it
|
|
If you're feeling blue, you might be a Smurf.
of 56 votes, 61% like it
|
Simon says listen to Garfunkel.
of 58 votes, 41% like it
|
Change is good, but I don't like pennies.
of 63 votes, 51% like it
|
|
Balloons are living it up.
of 72 votes, 46% like it
|
Pediatricians treat everyone like children.
of 53 votes, 64% like it
|
Scales are always getting in the weigh.
of 51 votes, 59% like it
|
|
Imagination is a good way to make things up.
of 53 votes, 58% like it
|
Frosting is usually the icing on the cake.
of 54 votes, 69% like it
|
"I don't believe in quotation marks."
of 51 votes, 41% like it
|
|
If you're feeling down, blame gravity.
of 47 votes, 49% like it
|
"Stop using telepathy," you thought.
of 44 votes, 57% like it
|
Play board games at your own Risk.
of 57 votes, 42% like it
|
|
I chronicled my trip to Narnia.
of 45 votes, 42% like it
|
Being immortal is getting really old.
of 61 votes, 56% like it
|
Elevators take me to the next level.
of 57 votes, 65% like it
|
|
If we draw straws, I'm using a pencil.
of 54 votes, 63% like it
|
Twitter keeps following me.
of 65 votes, 60% like it
|
Take it easy, but bring it back.
of 53 votes, 45% like it
|
|
Oceans wave at you.
of 55 votes, 56% like it
|
I was framed by a picture.
of 49 votes, 53% like it
|
When you need a date, grab a calendar.
of 53 votes, 53% like it
|
|
Falling asleep at the keyboard is like alsdkjfaldkjfd.
of 66 votes, 65% like it
|
Hugging trees is a contact sport.
of 35 votes, 34% like it
|
Grammar mistakes is stupid.
of 45 votes, 51% like it
|
|
If I join a movement, it will be symphonic.
of 43 votes, 47% like it
|
My gut reaction told me to eat it.
of 52 votes, 65% like it
|
I know a lot. I park my car there.
of 75 votes, 64% like it
|
|
Sleeping is how I time travel.
of 58 votes, 50% like it
|
Lincoln shoots and four scores!
of 57 votes, 47% like it
|
Lava lamps are domesticated volcanoes.
of 56 votes, 66% like it
|
|
I don't trust hurricanes. They have shifty eyes.
of 56 votes, 57% like it
|
Small dogs are like cats that bark.
of 32 votes, 53% like it
|
I bet you five dollars that I have a gambling addiction.
of 51 votes, 59% like it
|
|
Reading: What you're doing now.
of 51 votes, 53% like it
|
Bored? Do something dull and repetitive.
of 43 votes, 56% like it
|
I'm so hungry hungry I could eat a hippo.
of 53 votes, 62% like it
|
|
Triangle solos have three parts.
of 46 votes, 48% like it
|
The Mayans will release a new calendar in 2013.
of 59 votes, 56% like it
|
Nudists have trouble stripping.
of 55 votes, 53% like it
|
|
Interview vampires at your own risk.
of 48 votes, 48% like it
|
I watch the weather channel to relax.
of 34 votes, 44% like it
|
The galaxy is for hitchhikers.
of 47 votes, 38% like it
|
|
Cameras keep me focused.
of 59 votes, 66% like it
|
Zombies don't call shotgun.
of 46 votes, 59% like it
|
Swing sets allow people to fly short distances.
of 63 votes, 62% like it
|
|
Gogh Gogh gadget paintbrush.
of 67 votes, 64% like it
|
In the Future, mosquitoes will still suck.
of 78 votes, 65% like it
|
All of my peeps are marshmallows.
of 76 votes, 70% like it
|
|
Save the world with a memory card.
of 63 votes, 49% like it
|
Don't spread rumors, spread butter.
of 51 votes, 45% like it
|
Redundancy is dumb and stupid.
of 71 votes, 65% like it
|
|
You only live twice if you're James Bond.
of 50 votes, 48% like it
|
Fight the power, turn off your electricity.
of 78 votes, 63% like it
|
Keyboards help me Esc.
of 84 votes, 71% like it
|
|
I eat fortune cookies...in bed.
of 38 votes, 45% like it
|
My emperor is a penguin.
of 64 votes, 50% like it
|
Invisible people think I'm paranoid.
of 80 votes, 63% like it
|
|
Charles left me in charge.
of 62 votes, 50% like it
|
The late bird gets the other worm.
of 61 votes, 46% like it
|
Calculus derives me crazy.
of 79 votes, 62% like it
|
|
H.G. is not feeling Wells.
of 62 votes, 47% like it
|
I stole your thunder and sold it on ebay.
of 64 votes, 52% like it
|
My train of thought has passengers.
of 37 votes, 43% like it
|
|
Phobias are afraid of me.
of 75 votes, 64% like it
|
My political view has nice scenery.
of 70 votes, 50% like it
|
I lost my cape fighting crime [on back of shirt]
of 69 votes, 61% like it
|
|
My thoughts are cloudy with a chance of brainstorms.
of 71 votes, 61% like it
|
Curiosity killed my cat and I want revenge.
of 92 votes, 68% like it
|
My password is ******
of 79 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Math has serious problems.
of 71 votes, 69% like it
|
Cool things happen in Antarctica.
of 65 votes, 58% like it
|
I keep my vital organs in a rib cage.
of 46 votes, 43% like it
|
|
Model citizens carry glue guns.
of 76 votes, 51% like it
|
Immortality increased my lifespan.
of 62 votes, 53% like it
|
"Bonsai," said the tree.
of 57 votes, 44% like it
|
|
Bats can read my shirt [printed upside down]
of 70 votes, 50% like it
|
I don't fear change, I pocket it.
of 84 votes, 63% like it
|
There's something fishy about the ocean.
of 64 votes, 48% like it
|
|
My humor is too dark to see.
of 76 votes, 57% like it
|
I'm leaving dying to the last second.
of 66 votes, 56% like it
|
I'm allergic to food poisoning.
of 61 votes, 51% like it
|
|
Aliens need more space.
of 59 votes, 51% like it
|
Houston listens to all of my problems.
of 56 votes, 57% like it
|
Wisdom teeth fail at giving advice.
of 63 votes, 54% like it
|
|
I tell my problems to Houston.
of 70 votes, 61% like it
|
Joy can jump for herself.
of 71 votes, 58% like it
|
Due to shortages, life will no longer be handing out lemons.
of 66 votes, 65% like it
|
|
Opportunity knocked down my front door.
of 59 votes, 47% like it
|
I'll stop eating bacon when pigs fly.
of 67 votes, 54% like it
|
Instead of keeping the peace, give it away for free.
of 63 votes, 65% like it
|
|
The smart chicken flies a helicopter across the road.
of 54 votes, 52% like it
|
Fairy tales paint Grimm pictures.
of 61 votes, 54% like it
|
Tree branches are getting twiggy with it.
of 53 votes, 51% like it
|
|
I forgot my stroll down memory lane.
of 53 votes, 58% like it
|
I oppose the rule of thumb.
of 62 votes, 71% like it
|
Screenwriters are plotting against me.
of 56 votes, 55% like it
|
|
Tomorrow is like today, but in the future.
of 66 votes, 62% like it
|
Take a stand, but leave the lemonade for me.
of 57 votes, 60% like it
|
I plead the 5th symphony.
of 55 votes, 49% like it
|
|
I hunt playwrights with deadly shakespeares.
of 53 votes, 45% like it
|
The road less traveled is under construction.
of 71 votes, 58% like it
|
Jack and Jill should have used the faucet.
of 66 votes, 55% like it
|
|
I think magnets are particularly attractive.
of 59 votes, 64% like it
|
Click pens help cure sadness.
of 47 votes, 55% like it
|
Critics agree: everything sucks.
of 61 votes, 66% like it
|
|
Today's weather is perfect for world domination.
of 57 votes, 65% like it
|
Shhhhh...my foot's asleep.
of 52 votes, 54% like it
|
Broccoli: Trees for Little People.
of 58 votes, 60% like it
|
|
Geometry is fun for all shapes and sizes.
of 51 votes, 63% like it
|
Bingo does not like his name-o.
of 45 votes, 51% like it
|
Gravity really dropped the ball.
of 57 votes, 60% like it
|
|
I found Waldo with Ctrl+F.
of 68 votes, 63% like it
|
Math trees have square roots.
of 73 votes, 60% like it
|
Beavers are damming the nation.
of 51 votes, 65% like it
|
|
Pianos don't lose their keys.
of 80 votes, 66% like it
|
Iceland: Where Dreams are Bjorn.
of 70 votes, 59% like it
|
Disco fever wiped out a generation.
of 71 votes, 66% like it
|
|
I bought a vowel and returned it.
of 58 votes, 47% like it
|
I gave Heimlich the maneuver.
of 45 votes, 36% like it
|
I sent my computer to boot camp.
of 67 votes, 61% like it
|
|
I was fired today. From a cannon.
of 70 votes, 56% like it
|
Lunch is not allowed at the The Breakfast Club.
of 76 votes, 57% like it
|
It's not you, it's me. And the rest of mankind.
of 77 votes, 71% like it
|
|
Showers turn into soap operas.
of 61 votes, 46% like it
|
Air pollution takes my breath away.
of 78 votes, 65% like it
|
Genies encourage wishful thinking.
of 66 votes, 65% like it
|
|
All of my guilty pleasures were found innocent.
of 72 votes, 67% like it
|
Do you like my hair? I made it myself.
of 66 votes, 47% like it
|
I won't reveal my true identity until the season finale.
of 64 votes, 56% like it
|
|
Let math solve your problems.
of 71 votes, 63% like it
|
Shirts dye and fade away.
of 60 votes, 60% like it
|
Videogames teach the importance of saving lives.
of 72 votes, 72% like it
|
|
The future knows too much.
of 63 votes, 57% like it
|
My boxfort has cannons.
of 64 votes, 36% like it
|
If you can't win, lose.
of 62 votes, 55% like it
|
|
I subtracted and made a difference.
of 76 votes, 67% like it
|
The teacher's pet has fleas.
of 56 votes, 54% like it
|
I play Monopoly in Candy Land.
of 57 votes, 49% like it
|
|
Optimus numbers are prime.
of 66 votes, 55% like it
|
Misery loves company and bingo.
of 60 votes, 55% like it
|
Sherlock is my holme boy.
of 83 votes, 69% like it
|
|
Economics cost me a free lunch.
of 66 votes, 52% like it
|
Believe it or not, I am Ripley.
of 77 votes, 44% like it
|
History is right behind you.
of 81 votes, 53% like it
|
|
I dropped physics because of gravity.
of 89 votes, 56% like it
|
Red Rover is tired of your invitations.
of 111 votes, 62% like it
|
On casual Fridays,
I wear space suits.
of 50 votes, 36% like it
|
|
My pet raven quotes everything.
of 86 votes, 42% like it
|
Not all ranchers are jolly.
of 75 votes, 43% like it
|
Frozen pizzas are deadly frisbees in disguise.
of 89 votes, 47% like it
|
|
My cat has a Ph.D. in string theory.
of 90 votes, 57% like it
|
Photos can be so negative.
of 98 votes, 54% like it
|
Tetris taught me the fundamentals of architecture.
of 146 votes, 65% like it
|
|
Let's throw a revolutionary tea party.
of 134 votes, 52% like it
|
Hitchhikers gave me two thumbs up.
of 166 votes, 58% like it
|
In an alternate dimension, I just saved your life.
of 152 votes, 52% like it
|
|
My sleep cycle needs training wheels.
of 154 votes, 49% like it
|
I will defeat you in a choreographed fight scene.
of 198 votes, 60% like it
|
I feel more heroic in phone booths.
of 180 votes, 48% like it
|
|
I tend to fight fire with water.
of 151 votes, 62% like it
|
Chute, I forgot my ladder.
of 221 votes, 64% like it
|
Nothing ever develops at a writer's block party.
of 189 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Real bear hugs are often fatal.
of 250 votes, 66% like it
|
Bubble wrap is an inexpensive form of therapy.
of 202 votes, 55% like it
|
Origami experts fold under pressure.
of 245 votes, 61% like it
|
|
Getting lost is really just accidental sightseeing.
of 225 votes, 58% like it
|
Dear diary, I wrote today's entry on a shirt.
of 231 votes, 49% like it
|
Death sentences are grammatically incorrect.
of 232 votes, 50% like it
|
|
I fight crime with onomatopoeias. POW!
of 351 votes, 59% like it
|
Mathematicians find strength in numbers.
of 183 votes, 42% like it
|
Today is my favorite day of the week.
of 168 votes, 39% like it
|
|
Verbs are too tense.
of 229 votes, 45% like it
|
My darkest hours are always at night.
of 345 votes, 51% like it
|
Question marks suspect everything.
of 220 votes, 46% like it
|
|
Zombies mostly slow dance.
of 286 votes, 45% like it
|
My air guitar is very difficult to tune.
of 219 votes, 47% like it
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Made of 100% recycled genetic material.
of 203 votes, 43% like it
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I will rewrite history to make this moment less awkward.
of 285 votes, 46% like it
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Apostrophes are so possessive.
of 238 votes, 45% like it
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80% agree: 4 out of 5 works too.
of 294 votes, 45% like it
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Galaxies are solar powered.
of 194 votes, 43% like it
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Astronauts take meteor showers.
of 175 votes, 44% like it
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Geologists know how to rock!
of 169 votes, 45% like it
|
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I'm a body of water.
of 303 votes, 39% like it
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Stop blaming video games. They babysit your children for free.
of 371 votes, 47% like it
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Pencils aspire to be No. 2.
of 491 votes, 57% like it
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You may only correct me with a red pen.
of 438 votes, 45% like it
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Save your strength, there's a boss battle ahead.
of 373 votes, 43% like it
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Evens are against all odds.
of 390 votes, 42% like it
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Speed limits make time travel impossible.
of 488 votes, 45% like it
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