Story time, kids!

Now, I'm sure that most of you have gone to this magical place full of wondrous goods and devices. They call this place Wal-Mart. Sometimes there's a star between "Wal" and "Mart", but that's irrelevant. No one says "Let's go to Wal-Star-Mart" anyhow.

And I'm sure that at some point, you may have gotten in line behind someone who wasn't exactly paying attention to how fast the line was going, or perhaps they were half in the line, and half out. These can be tricky situations, and I'm sorry if you've ever had to deal with that. Really.

I'm also sure that you may have seen carts at different parts of the store loaded up with various and random items, seeming to have no correlation to each other whatsoever. These carts are usually for the Wal-Mart associates to take around and put back on the shelves, because the items were either placed in an incorrect place, or they were decided against at the last moment and given to the cashier to put in said cart.

Now, it was Tuesday evening, a little after 6:30, and Alaina and I were in the process of finding an aisle that looked somewhat vacant, so that we might not have to spend a long time in line. Lucky for us, one of those carts filled to the brim with odds and ends was parked at the mouth of an aisle, and only a few people further on, waiting to make their purchases.

We stepped into this aisle, and proceeded to wait patiently for about 5 minutes (perhaps longer), only having about 20 items or so ourselves, so we knew that once we got up to the counter, our transaction would be relatively short. It soon came the time for the man in front of us to start putting his items on the conveyor, and as he was, a raspy, hatred-rimmed voice boiled forth from behind us.

"So, you must've just gotten here, huh?" The large and seemingly upset woman ventured.

"There was no one at your cart." Alaina replied.

Oh. The cart. The Cart. That bastard lied to us, and pretended he was full of items for the associates to take back. But instead this impostor, this wolf in sheep's clothing, was nothing more than another customers fatted cart.

"I really hope you get something from this," the bulging ape of a woman continued, "I hope it was all worth it. And I also hope that this kind of shit happens to you. I hope someone does this exact thing to you. I wish that on you."

It is at this point that we both gave the woman (if you feel it necessary to call her that) our customary "Wha...?" stares, along with simple retorts of "Okay" and "That's nice". It is also at this point that we rewound our minds to when we first entered the aisle. Was she in the adjoining aisle? Was she several aisles away? Why was she gone so long, and why would she leave her cart there? She couldn't expect people to look at it and think "Oh, that must be someone's cart. They aren't around, but we'd better not go in front of it, because somehow, in the magical world they live in, their cart not only saves their spot, but represents them as a person." So she must have expected all the people in Wal-Mart to make an exception for her carelessness and laziness, so that she could wander off in whatever state she was in, and pick up more things for her already bloated cart, no matter how long she took or how many people the sight of her cart was supposed to drive away.

And finally, we were able to put our items on the conveyor and begin finishing our transaction. Alaina was even so civil as to put the little plastic dividing stick after our items so the seething demon behind us could set some of her items down. And wouldn't you know it, she had to do that in a childish manner as well. She managed to grab the heaviest items from her cart first, and slammed them down onto the conveyor, making as much noise as possible. I'm almost sure that she put on her biggest, whiniest "I didn't get what I want, I just pooped my pants" face that a 3-year old has down pat.

After a weird look from the cashier, a refreshing comment from the man in front of us - "You two have a good night", accompanied with a knowing wink - and the transaction of the money, we were on our way out. I suppose the woman just felt like she had to get one more snide remark in before letting the two people who wouldn't do things her way get loose, so she opted for "G'bye ladies." I thought that was interesting, and I couldn't help but beam a great big smile, and Alaina shot her a "Grow up." We were soon away from one of the meanest people we'd ever met, and it wasn't long before she turned to me and said "Those are the type of people you meet in Wal-Mart."


[I couldn't agree more.]