Don't put words in my mouth unless they're covered in chocolate
of 29 votes, 69% like it
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My car runs on power ballads
of 23 votes, 57% like it
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I've got a black belt but it doesn't go with this outfit
of 36 votes, 67% like it
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I am a riddle, wrapped up in bacon, inside an omelette
of 38 votes, 29% like it
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I broke my arm throwing caution to the wind
of 43 votes, 42% like it
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There's no "i" in "misspelled"
of 33 votes, 24% like it
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If chickens only knew how good their wings taste...
of 29 votes, 45% like it
|
Save a bald eagle, buy a toupee
of 32 votes, 25% like it
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Crime pays but the hours suck
of 49 votes, 65% like it
|
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My life is an endless series of pop culture references
of 56 votes, 50% like it
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My life is just a series of pop culture references
of 44 votes, 30% like it
|
Fact: The ice age was caused by vampire groundhogs
of 47 votes, 32% like it
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Turkeys give thanks for vegetarians
of 62 votes, 61% like it
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Cannibals are attracted to my good taste
of 61 votes, 44% like it
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I'm so tough, I make onions cry
of 50 votes, 32% like it
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I've got a chip on my shoulder but I'm all out of dip
of 52 votes, 29% like it
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I've got a chip on my shoulder but I'm all out of salsa
of 54 votes, 31% like it
|
Brain Power: The Ultimate Source of Clean Energy
of 51 votes, 41% like it
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Brain Power: The Ultimate in Clean Energy
of 41 votes, 24% like it
|
The monsters under my bed are too lazy to clean my room for me
of 59 votes, 46% like it
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I always have to get the last word in. Seriously, I do. For real.
of 58 votes, 28% like it
|
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Guitar players give great feedback
of 62 votes, 42% like it
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When it comes to failing, I'm very successful
of 80 votes, 59% like it
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Walking a mile in a clown's shoes isn't as fun as it looks
of 76 votes, 49% like it
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Multiple choice questions are:
a) Stupid
b) Okay
c) Awesome
of 69 votes, 46% like it
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Umbrellas are useless when it's raining cats and dogs
of 72 votes, 54% like it
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Robots are cool but they can't go retro
of 70 votes, 39% like it
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I Was Voted ''Most Likely To Wear A Shirt With Words On It''
of 75 votes, 55% like it
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My birthday suit is at the dry cleaners
of 83 votes, 49% like it
|
I don't like to go running unless I'm being chased by zombies
of 64 votes, 47% like it
|
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There are no words to express how I feel about silence.
of 80 votes, 57% like it
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Professional Sound Wave Surfer
of 62 votes, 37% like it
|
Fractions Stand Divided
of 78 votes, 60% like it
|
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I Can Keep a Secret. Just Ask the Sasquatch Living in My Attic.
of 86 votes, 63% like it
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I'm training to be a professional mathlete
of 60 votes, 37% like it
|
Boomerangs: They're Making A Comeback
of 85 votes, 78% like it
|
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Tennis taught me how to love
of 72 votes, 38% like it
|
Never bring a pen to a sword fight
of 72 votes, 63% like it
|
If there's a light bulb above my head, then I've got a great idea
of 78 votes, 27% like it
|
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I'm not really a bad ass, but I act like one on the internet
of 72 votes, 44% like it
|
Artists are drawn to sketchy characters
of 73 votes, 62% like it
|
The definition of suspense is...
of 95 votes, 72% like it
|
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Gold Medal Spectator
(printed in gold foil)
of 56 votes, 38% like it
|
Good artists copy, great artists blog about being misunderstood
of 65 votes, 46% like it
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My dreams are so sweet, I wake up with a toothache
of 76 votes, 55% like it
|
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Printers have the best jam sessions
of 69 votes, 46% like it
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I'd call your bluff, but I forgot the number
of 62 votes, 44% like it
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I passed the back seat driver's test with flying colors
of 62 votes, 39% like it
|
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When it comes to music, the devil's got it backwards
of 61 votes, 36% like it
|
You know what I hate about unanswered questions?
of 90 votes, 67% like it
|
I get it, you love ice cream. Now stop screaming.
of 64 votes, 38% like it
|
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If time is money, becoming a vampire is a smart career choice
of 57 votes, 40% like it
|
I'd give you my heart but it's on the sleeve of another shirt
of 53 votes, 38% like it
|
Football: The real reason why God rested on Sunday
of 57 votes, 44% like it
|
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I auditioned for a barbershop quartet, but I didn't make the cut
of 72 votes, 47% like it
|
You can trust me. I'm not a meteorologist or politician.
of 80 votes, 59% like it
|
Don't make me turn this phrase around!
of 78 votes, 35% like it
|
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Being stranded on a desserted island sounds delicious
of 80 votes, 60% like it
|
Mathematicians know all the angles
of 61 votes, 36% like it
|
All aboard my train of thought! Next stop: la la land!
of 62 votes, 32% like it
|
|
An apple a day gets boring after a while
of 72 votes, 60% like it
|
I march to the beat of a different drum machine
of 75 votes, 57% like it
|
Eggheads always crack under pressure
of 74 votes, 28% like it
|
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Poor mimes are proof that silence isn't golden
of 57 votes, 35% like it
|
Ninjas love to spell with silent letters
of 62 votes, 37% like it
|
Life is like a buffet and I'm going back for seconds!
of 53 votes, 40% like it
|
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Don't rock the boat. That's the ocean's job.
of 58 votes, 34% like it
|
Seeing the world is easy when you've got your head in the clouds
of 58 votes, 34% like it
|
My razor sharp wit is registered as a deadly weapon.
of 71 votes, 61% like it
|
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I need to get something off my chest but this shirt is hiding it
of 64 votes, 41% like it
|
Wearing your underwear on the outside gives you super powers
of 95 votes, 67% like it
|
Magic eight ball says: Stop asking so many questions!
of 58 votes, 36% like it
|
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I give it a 110% whenever I feel like it
of 58 votes, 33% like it
|
Friends don't let friends use clichés
of 71 votes, 35% like it
|
Will wake for coffee
of 59 votes, 29% like it
|
|
I'm not an egomaniac, I'm just totally awesome at everything
of 75 votes, 48% like it
|
The Moon: Pulling All-Nighters Since the Beginning of Time
of 80 votes, 59% like it
|
Owls know how to throw a good old fashioned hootenanny!
of 60 votes, 42% like it
|
|
Monkey business is bananas!
of 54 votes, 33% like it
|
I'd like to climb the corporate ladder but I'm afraid of heights
of 54 votes, 43% like it
|
The skeletons in my closet put this outfit together
of 73 votes, 63% like it
|
|
Yes, I ate the last slice of pizza.
No, I'm not sorry about it.
of 61 votes, 36% like it
|
Exclamation points make everything more exciting!
of 64 votes, 38% like it
|
You can pick your friend's nose. It's just not very hygienic.
of 52 votes, 38% like it
|
|
We came.
We saw.
We LOL'd.
of 66 votes, 27% like it
|
Give me a second, I'm trying to think of something clever to say
of 69 votes, 28% like it
|
I got no beef with vegetarians
of 84 votes, 58% like it
|
|
The greatest nation in the world is imagination
of 62 votes, 40% like it
|
Angular momentum makes the world go round
of 57 votes, 40% like it
|
Some days you're the dog, and other days, you're the fire hydrant
of 64 votes, 39% like it
|
|
Taco is Spanish for awesomely delicious blessing from above
of 78 votes, 27% like it
|
I know I'm not dreaming but I want you to pinch me anyway
of 74 votes, 24% like it
|
All who seek fortune in cookies would be wise to look elsewhere
of 85 votes, 61% like it
|
|
Warning! Cautious Living Breeds Boredom
of 70 votes, 17% like it
|
In the future, light bulbs will change themselves
of 70 votes, 20% like it
|
Pirates need their booty sleep
of 71 votes, 44% like it
|
|
Deep sea divers are down for anything
of 69 votes, 26% like it
|
I'm nuts about squirrels!
of 70 votes, 23% like it
|
I was stood up on my date with destiny
of 60 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Trees are so shady
of 74 votes, 43% like it
|
Invert your syntax, sound wise you will
of 75 votes, 36% like it
|
I'm psychic and yes, you can buy me a drink.
of 72 votes, 35% like it
|
|
Extra! Extra! The Internet Killed The Newspaper!
of 66 votes, 26% like it
|
Nothing is certain but death, taxes and clichés
of 67 votes, 40% like it
|
The keys to the future are locked inside my time machine
of 83 votes, 48% like it
|
|
Polar bears used to be cool.
of 80 votes, 51% like it
|
Kangaroos drink beer just for the hops
of 69 votes, 35% like it
|
I tend to go off on tangents, so can I borrow your car?
of 62 votes, 31% like it
|
|
I think I pulled a muscle while I was patting myself on the back
of 65 votes, 43% like it
|
Without us, there is no music
of 65 votes, 29% like it
|
Brain Food - The Favorite Snack of Zombie Nerds
of 64 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Hungry zombies love brain food
of 65 votes, 34% like it
|
If rules were made to be broken, they should come with crazy glue
of 67 votes, 34% like it
|
1 out of 5 dentists recommend not giving into peer pressure
of 70 votes, 39% like it
|
|
Revenge is a dish best served without utensils
of 70 votes, 39% like it
|
Life is shor
of 95 votes, 27% like it
|
Electricians do it with the lights on
of 166 votes, 44% like it
|
|
I Come Equipped With The Kung-Fu Grip
of 159 votes, 39% like it
|
Whiskey is proof that Satan loves us
of 163 votes, 37% like it
|
I Only Smoke When I'm On Fire
of 183 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Rock The Cashbar
of 154 votes, 26% like it
|
That's my party hat you're sitting on
of 154 votes, 26% like it
|
Anthropomorphism is degrading to humans
of 144 votes, 30% like it
|
|
my kaleidoscope is on fire
of 151 votes, 26% like it
|
