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squintygirl
aka Michelle Chow is a 33.81 year old girl, has been a member since June 22, 2006, has scored 66324 submissions, giving an average score of 2.24.
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Comedians have such a hard knock-knock life.
of 24 votes, 25% like it
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I hold grudges. They're a lot lighter than you think.
of 27 votes, 56% like it
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I gave a hoot, and got fined for noise pollution.
of 23 votes, 43% like it
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I chose the Dork Side, instead. They have better wi-fi.
of 30 votes, 50% like it
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I'm really in my element when I'm using my periodic table.
of 27 votes, 41% like it
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Actually, your whining killed the dinosaurs.
of 21 votes, 43% like it
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I practice black magic because it makes me look slimmer.
of 30 votes, 60% like it
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If you hate what you hear on the grapevine, don't talk to produce
of 35 votes, 60% like it
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The Dark Side relies too much on mood lighting.
of 32 votes, 53% like it
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Impractical jokes are more funny, but less useful.
of 40 votes, 50% like it
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I prefer my jokes to be more impractical.
of 30 votes, 30% like it
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A survey of all mums who are my mum agree that I'm pretty great.
of 34 votes, 53% like it
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Good thing the universe is expanding, I need room for my stuff.
of 47 votes, 64% like it
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My jazz hands made street dance-fighting illegal.
of 38 votes, 58% like it
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I wanted to geld my stallion, but he ix-neighed the idea.
of 30 votes, 40% like it
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My exercise regimine consists mainly of training montages.
of 47 votes, 51% like it
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I'll scratch Wolervine's back, but pass on my share of the favor.
of 33 votes, 45% like it
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Shaking out your hair in slow motion makes hat head so worth it.
of 37 votes, 41% like it
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Apparently, dancing in the street is still considered jaywalking.
of 43 votes, 53% like it
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No rest for the wicked, but the overtime pay is phenomenal.
of 37 votes, 57% like it
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I still wait for the chimes to tell me when to turn the page.
of 46 votes, 33% like it
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If history repeats itself, I hope we reconsider parachute pants.
of 51 votes, 67% like it
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Gimme a boost, I need to get back up on my high horse.
of 42 votes, 57% like it
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I blame global warming on disco inferno.
of 35 votes, 43% like it
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I tried to defy gravity, and got grounded instead.
of 43 votes, 58% like it
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Being a ninja is just an excuse to wear footie pyjamas all day.
of 42 votes, 62% like it
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Pretend we're in a sitcom and start a hilarious misunderstanding.
of 50 votes, 72% like it
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If this were a musical, I'd be lecturing you in song by now.
of 38 votes, 53% like it
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Peg leg sales increase when everybody cuts footloose.
of 30 votes, 37% like it
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I busted a move back in the day, and I still can't fix it.
of 41 votes, 41% like it
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Art often imitates Life. How childish.
of 46 votes, 59% like it
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A black hole is formed everytime someone gives 110%.
of 40 votes, 53% like it
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Don't let my combed hair fool you, I'm actually a mad scientist.
of 41 votes, 59% like it
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It just isn't a car chase until it smashes through a fruit stand.
of 35 votes, 46% like it
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If it was really that important, it would've been on Degrassi.
of 29 votes, 31% like it
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Maybe you'll understand better if I sing a song about it.
of 30 votes, 37% like it
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Closed captions provided by this shirt.
of 27 votes, 37% like it
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Song-and-dance numbers: when a simple explanation just won't do.
of 34 votes, 71% like it
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Kleptomaniacs can take a hint.
of 38 votes, 32% like it
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Superhero monks have altar egos.
of 39 votes, 36% like it
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Musical teens with bad complexions always break out in song.
of 25 votes, 32% like it
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I often break into song because I keep forgetting the keys.
of 31 votes, 42% like it
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My Optimus Prime rate mortgage transformed me into homeless.
of 32 votes, 50% like it
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If it's the thought that counts, I need a new calculator.
of 22 votes, 41% like it
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I'm huge in Munchkinland.
of 41 votes, 46% like it
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I only jump on bandwagons made out of bouncy castles.
of 35 votes, 26% like it
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Kleptomaniac actors are natural scene-stealers.
of 25 votes, 28% like it
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Against musical advice, I'm still a little afraid of the reaper.
of 41 votes, 37% like it
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I learned the hard way that Broadway lied about dance gangfights.
of 34 votes, 38% like it
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Wave shake shimmy shimmy means 'hi' in interpretive dance.
of 25 votes, 32% like it
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...and when I snap my fingers, you'll forget what just happened.
of 37 votes, 49% like it
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If you can read this, then I'm taking a break from cartwheels.
of 35 votes, 29% like it
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My preferred method of transportation is leapfrog.
of 33 votes, 30% like it
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Hey, I caught your eye! It's in my pocket for safekeeping.
of 28 votes, 29% like it
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Thanks to New Math, I can now add insult to injury!
of 34 votes, 38% like it
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Disco was right: our time probably would be better spent dancing.
of 34 votes, 41% like it
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Go on, steal candy from a baby. It shouldn't have candy anyway.
of 39 votes, 54% like it
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If Degrassi hasn't explained it, it isn't worth explaining.
of 32 votes, 31% like it
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Let's shoot the breeze. I'm really angry at it.
of 37 votes, 49% like it
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Angry letters are best written in cursive.
of 30 votes, 33% like it
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Surprisingly, 'Fame' didn't prepare me for high school at all.
of 27 votes, 33% like it
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Sometimes I let the cat out of the bag, but only if it behaves.
of 33 votes, 36% like it
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When the music starts, that's my cue to explain it all in song.
of 33 votes, 33% like it
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The movies lied: no one ever joins my big song-and-dance numbers.
of 41 votes, 46% like it
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The nerdier explanation is superior, but the short answer is yes.
of 34 votes, 32% like it
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Despite being opposable, Fonzie's thumbs were always up for it.
of 35 votes, 29% like it
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Letting the cat out of the bag: bad for secrets, great for cats.
of 54 votes, 70% like it
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Wax-on-wax-off didn't help my karate, but my car looks fantastic!
of 41 votes, 49% like it
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If it didn't happen in a John Hughes film, it didn't happen.
of 36 votes, 28% like it
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Rose-colored glasses are nice, but they clash with my satire.
of 44 votes, 55% like it
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If I take off my glasses, I'm about to deliver some bad news.
of 36 votes, 53% like it
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In case of emergency, stop reading my shirt and call for help!
of 40 votes, 38% like it
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Asking 'What's the worst that can happen?' is asking to find out.
of 41 votes, 37% like it
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...and that's how you can effectively avoid eye contact!
of 49 votes, 59% like it
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History'd be much cooler if the Pilgrims landed at Fraggle Rock.
of 48 votes, 56% like it
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I usually go for broke, but I need to stop for some change.
of 35 votes, 37% like it
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I give people props, but the drama club always needs them back.
of 49 votes, 61% like it
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Off-the-cuff remarks work best with sleeveless shirts.
of 39 votes, 38% like it
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As a matter of fact, wild horses could drag you away very easily.
of 38 votes, 29% like it
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The winds of change keep messing up my hair.
of 48 votes, 71% like it
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I'm a sucker for con artists.
of 36 votes, 33% like it
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Kleptomaniacs Anonymous can only help those who help themselves.
of 100 votes, 28% like it
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I'm looking to upgrade my jamboree to a hootenanny.
of 155 votes, 55% like it
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Never met you officially, but I understand you're not bad at all.
of 121 votes, 34% like it
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No, no, go ahead, finish reading this. I can wait.
of 158 votes, 59% like it
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Brunch is my favourite fictional meal.
of 151 votes, 54% like it
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Now, say it with jazz hands!
of 132 votes, 37% like it
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The Safety Dance is actually quite deadly.
of 148 votes, 53% like it
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This shirt is made from 100% recycled pop culture references!
of 125 votes, 34% like it
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As a matter of fact, 10,000 Barry Manilow fans can be wrong.
of 136 votes, 40% like it
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The good news is, Soylent Green is only homeless people.
of 126 votes, 37% like it
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My opposable thumbs are always contradicting what I say.
of 122 votes, 32% like it
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I never wanted to take the bank's pen until they chained it down.
of 183 votes, 73% like it
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Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme. Not this one.
of 123 votes, 39% like it
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The truth? You actually don't need algebra in the real world.
of 140 votes, 56% like it
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If dreams were horses, I'd never run out of glue.
of 114 votes, 32% like it
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My boobs say to mind your own business.
of 116 votes, 27% like it
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Slogans that have been deleted or that have been dropped from the contest
...and when I snap my fingers, you'll only remember reading this.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
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Come any closer and you'll get hit by my invisible Hula Hoop.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
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Come to think of it, wild horses really could drag me away.
of 104 votes, 25% like it
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Doubt everything. Or not.
of 126 votes, 33% like it
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Everyone needs a good catchphrase, that's what everyone says.
of 88 votes, 15% like it
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Flattery is just bitter envy in a nice dress. Hey, nice dress!
of 117 votes, 38% like it
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Go ahead. Put all your eggs in one basket.
of 117 votes, 35% like it
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Good things come to those who hold out for better snacks.
of 14 votes, 14% like it
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I never practice white magic after Labor Day.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
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I only need the medicine because of that darn spoonful of sugar.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
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I require amusement. Dance, puny human, dance!
of 93 votes, 20% like it
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I'll donate my organs, but my guitars are for keeps.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
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I'm such a rebel, I even defy gravity.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
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If it hasn't been explained on Degrassi, it simply doesn't exist.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
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It's okay, my dog will still have respect for your leg tomorrow.
of 100 votes, 27% like it
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Kerplunk ain't for sissies, son.
of 111 votes, 24% like it
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Kleptomaniacs are accomplished advice-takers.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
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Movies prove that the only real solution is to put on a show.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
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Movies were right: drag racing can solve all of life's problems.
of 30 votes, 20% like it
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My punch packs a wallop, but seems to always lose its luggage.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
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My quest for the naked truth results in angry curtain-closing.
of 45 votes, 29% like it
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No opinion really matters. Except this one.
of 95 votes, 19% like it
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Owls just love a good hootenanny.
of 68 votes, 25% like it
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Plinko is a fickle mistress.
of 115 votes, 28% like it
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Roses are red, violets are blue, all my base are belong to you.
of 106 votes, 25% like it
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Since the death of dance-fighting, I leave my jazz hands at home.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
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Teachers know how to stay classy.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
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The mackeral: pope of the fishes.
of 64 votes, 19% like it
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Thumb wrestling is much more aggressive with opposable thumbs.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
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To duck a question, just goose the asker.
of 29 votes, 28% like it
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Tourette's sufferers can't help but write in cursive.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
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What happens in Vegas, no one else really cares about.
of 102 votes, 29% like it
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You know, that Satan sounds like a real ass.
of 114 votes, 39% like it
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You may as well surrender. My Care Bear Stare will break you.
of 116 votes, 30% like it
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http://threadless.com/profile/311224/squintygirl
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Pudding Fund
Thanks, chelly!
Thanks, Tora!
Thanks, littlem!
Thanks, taz-pie!
Thanks, Corey!
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(now on Facebook!)
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My Long and Boring Back Story
When I was a young lass, I had the most incredible eyesight. I could read small typed pages from across the room and identify licence plates from a staggering distance. It was really cool. For a while there, I was invincible. INVINCIBLE!
Life, however, always has a funny way of crash-landing you back to reality, and over the course of a few years, my eyesight went from fantastic to average to poor to complete crap. I would sit in class and squint at the blackboard all day and have absolutely no idea what I was looking at. In Grade Five, I became an expert note-taker by just writing down EVERYTHING my teacher said (which, incidentally, became a very handy skill none of my board-copying schoolmates had mastered when we all needed it in university) and spent my nights begging my mother for glasses. She didn't believe me. Also, she thought they would make me look nerdy.
I walked around half-blind for almost three years until the fateful day my mom caved in and took me to the eye doctor, hurray! But what was it that finally convinced dear Mum?
Was it the fact that I kept tripping on things I couldn't see in the street? No.
Was it the fact that three of my teachers and the school nurse told my mother that I needed glasses, IMMEDIATELY? No.
Was it the fact that I had to hold a book a centimetre from my face to actually make out the words? No.
What convinced my mom to take me to the eye doctor was my squinting and how much she hated it.
'You look like you're smelling boiled cabbage all the time, stop making that face!'
'You're going to have terrible wrinkles when you get older, stop making that face!'
'It's going to freeze like that forever, you know, stop making that face!'
And 'squintygirl' was born. It was, however, the same day I finally got glasses (the ugliest glasses you could ever possibly imagine, natch), so I never had to squint again. Nevertheless, I felt such an affinity for and alliance with squintygirl, that she stayed with me through successively uglier pairs of glasses as the years passed.
Today, I have less ugly glasses and still don't squint, but I continue to salute that industrious little girl. Incidentally, my face never did freeze that way, but I am worried about wrinkles, now that I'm a member of Threadless' Old Farts Club. I guess Mom was right about something. (She was also right about the nerdy thing, too.)
The Fighting Cacti, by Gina
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