Hey kids! Way back in the early 80's through the mid 90's, there was a wondrous invention called an "arcade". Oh, the fun and excitement of entering that world of bleeps and bloops, the lines forming behind certain games going around the room at times just to get a crack at the guy who has been defeating his/her opponents and playing off the same twenty five cents for three days in a row, the banging of the basketball mini-hoop game in the corner and the inevitable fight that breaks out when someone's basketball takes a wild hop and melds with the back of someone else's head who was on the verge of a new high score. These were wild, unhinged, severely geeky and chaotic times, and I miss them more than anything when going to any mall bigger than three stores who used to have one.



An example of one of these ancient "arcades", where even the man with a three ton backup of machismo could control the fate of a yellow character with a bow in her head and not feel the need to puff out his chest or watch out for finger pointing laughter and roundhouse kicks to the face.

Arcade games were so beloved, they even made many many horrible fucking shows about them!






My idea of what heaven looks like as a child, minus the creepy old dude with his ass soiling the pride of Galaga and his paws all over the random arcade chicks who would hang out and party with the dudes, usually kicking our asses at the hardest games. Yup, equality was just a joystick joust away folks.

Having arcade quality visuals and beyond and blowing the brains off of cursing and heavily annoying fifteen year olds from the comfort of our ass grooves in our living room seats is cool, but there will always be a special place in my heart for the face-to-face competition of the digital public Roman lion fight that was real live arcades.

A sampling of my favs:



The most influential arcade game ever for me. It filled my imagination and my dreams with the thought of controlling the most bumbly, gawky and awkward knight in dorky armor on a quest to die a million comical and highly aggravating ways. It was like being put into cartoon form and slapped in a game!

Shooters :


Jurassic Park





House of the Dead and House of the Dead 2 (fuck the ones afterwards...fighting zombies with machine guns? How cheap.


Area 51. What a piece of shit shooter game, static graphics, hammy idea, but what a fun one in terms of interactive elements (you could pretty much shoot EVERYTHING) and trying to get 100 shots in a row was always a good time.


Operation Wolf


Virtua Cop

Pinball:


Theater of Magic. That magnetic multiplayer box in the center of the game = magic in ball whacking form.


Jurassic Park that movie and book made some REALLY good arcade games no matter what genre.


Stargate


Attack From Mars. Because who doesn't love little green aliens wiggling their four arms off at you during mini games?

Fighters:


Killer Instinct. C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-ombo Breaker-r-r-r-r-r!


Mortal Kombat II


Primal Rage. Kinda the best idea ever for a fighting game, especially when you could chomp down on the little Neanderthal peeps for points and energy.


Sorry, I wasn't much of a Street Fighter II fan until it came to the SNES, hence I just watched others dominate one another and slap buttons with the ferocity of untamed tigers.

Racers:


Outrun. Racing games didn't get much cooler than picking your synth tuney radio station and wrecking your Ferrari over and and over again with some hot chick's hair blowing in the wind, never leaving your side no matter how many times your power car rolls over.


Virtua Racing. I NEVER quote a video game magazine (until now), but as EGM once said, "Never before and never again will a bunch of uncolored polygons fascinate us as much as this." Besides Starfox, they're right.


Daytona USA. Day-tone-aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!


Power Drift. There's just something about the screen turning into batman sideways shot mode on a hairpin turn and your character turning around and giving you the thumbs up that i really enjoyed about this game. Let's face it, Sega made the best racing games.


Roadblasters. A driving AND shooting game wrapped into one kick-ass futuristic package!

Others:


Rampage.


The Simpsons. I STILL find and play the shit out of this game at movie theaters and etc. Four player perfection and probably my favorite movie/tv show arcade conversion (maybe Goldeneye but that's not arcade!).


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Four player games man...they rocked the aracde world in the early 90's.


Ms. Pac Man. Forget equality, Ms. Pacman told the MR. to stay at home while she does all the work sporting multiple mazes and way better challenges. Plus, who didn't think a female pizza pie with a piece missing was kinda hot? Anyone? Eh...Anyone???


Robotron.


Punch Out! BODY BLOW BODY BLOW!!!! There was nothing like being a green wired looking boxing champ!

Guilty Pleasure:

Whatever this arm wrestling game used to be.

Game I'm Most Likely To Beat Margo at in Some Future Tournament to the Death:

The Cyclone!


And so many more but i'm tired of doing this.

What were your favs of the long-gone but hopefully never forgotten era of stand-up video games?