FRICKINAWESOME
FRICKINAWESOME aka Evan Ferstenfeld is a 30.82 year old boy, has been a member since May 5, 2006, has scored 30644 submissions, giving an average score of 1.68.
URL: http://www.threadless.com?streetteam=FRICKINAWESOM
Conjunctions Are a Major Pain in the As.
of 2 votes, 100% like it
Crickets Are the Only Ones Who Get The Punchlines Of My Jokes.
of 3 votes, 67% like it
Playing Cards Never Take Anything Seriously.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
Multi-Colored Ghosts Always Hunt in Pacs.
of 40 votes, 33% like it
Amnesia Is the Cheapest Way To Start a New Life For Yourself.
of 40 votes, 43% like it
Science: Taking All the Fun Out of Guessing Since 1600.
of 40 votes, 55% like it
The Voices In My Head Recently Joined A Local Choir Group.
of 41 votes, 37% like it
The Fall of the Roman Empire Happened Because Of a Banana Peel.
of 43 votes, 42% like it
Hurricanes: The Hotel-Trashing Rock Star Of Weather.
of 45 votes, 49% like it
I Have a Double Chin For Backup Purposes In Case I Lose One.
of 46 votes, 43% like it
WANTED: Death Metal Band in Need of Harpist & Ukelele Player.
of 60 votes, 45% like it
Failure Is Not An Option. It Comes Standard With Most Humans.
of 80 votes, 50% like it
I Waste Food So I Can Recycle the Can It Was In.
of 78 votes, 45% like it
Two Things You Should Know About Me: I'm Not Good At Counting.
of 125 votes, 57% like it
I'm Not Over-Anxious, You're Just Under-Worried.
of 116 votes, 48% like it
Today's Forecast Calls For a 100 Percent Chance of Reading.
of 112 votes, 43% like it
The Meaning of Life Was On the Shirt I Wore Yesterday.
of 132 votes, 59% like it
The Pogo Stick Market Has Its Constant Ups and Downs.
of 115 votes, 41% like it
I'd Say I'm Lazy, But I'd Rather Have My Shirt Do the Work For Me
of 125 votes, 46% like it
Pianos Always Sound Best When Crushing Cartoon Characters.
of 128 votes, 46% like it
I Only Solve Mazes That Have David Bowie In Them.
of 134 votes, 54% like it
Trap Doors Would Instantly Make Any Sport More Exciting.
of 191 votes, 61% like it
Due To Budget Cuts, Infinity Is Worth One Less Than It Used To.
of 163 votes, 45% like it
The First Rule of Anarchy: You Just Screwed Up Being an Anarchist
of 201 votes, 55% like it
Making a Bad Analogy is Like Watching Stick Figures Breakdance.
of 196 votes, 51% like it
Dogs Wearing Diamonds Are Everyone's Best Friend.
of 204 votes, 55% like it
Coloring Outside the Lines: Banned For Illegally Crossing Borders
of 188 votes, 51% like it
I've Been a Time Traveler Since Before I Was Born.
of 201 votes, 54% like it
Hangman Is a Promoter of Vigilante Grammatical Violence.
of 199 votes, 55% like it
Ask Me About My Hatred For Answering Questions.
of 201 votes, 48% like it
Standing Out in a Crowd is Easier Once Everyone Else is Seated.
of 185 votes, 50% like it
Greater Than > Less Than
of 181 votes, 40% like it
I'm Much More Confident After Having My Nervous System Removed.
of 186 votes, 41% like it
Doing My Part To Combat Global Warming By Making Earth Cooler.
of 190 votes, 46% like it
Heroes Are Too Busy Playing Guitar To Save Lives Nowadays.
of 268 votes, 67% like it
Did You Just Say Bling Bling? We Can't Be Friends Anymore.
of 235 votes, 41% like it
I Can Walk on Water. Well, Others Call It Ice Skating.
of 251 votes, 46% like it
I Can't Dance, But I'm Really Good At Flailing Around.
of 287 votes, 57% like it
Sometimes I Don't Even Get My Own Jokes Until Days Later.
of 269 votes, 51% like it
If You Must Throw Your Life Away, Please Recycle It.
of 300 votes, 60% like it
Drinking Coffee Is Not My Cup of Tea.
of 279 votes, 53% like it
I Know the Final Digit of Pi.
of 343 votes, 58% like it
Curiosity Museums Are Like Kitten Death Traps.
of 270 votes, 48% like it
Freudian Slips Can Injure Your Back.
of 252 votes, 37% like it
I'm Currently Modeling My Parent's Genes.
of 281 votes, 46% like it
(front) Anagrams Are Awesome! (back) Arrows Ease, Sane Magma!
of 265 votes, 42% like it
I'd Take a Leap of Faith, But the Hurdles of Logic Are Too High!
of 257 votes, 40% like it
Forget Past & Future, I Like The Ghost of Christmas Presents.
of 280 votes, 39% like it
Plagiarists Are Just Doing Their Part to Recycle Old Ideas.
of 284 votes, 51% like it
I Bet I Can Get You To Stare At My Chest For Three Seconds.
of 291 votes, 48% like it
Exclamation Points Make Every Sentence Have a Happy Ending!
of 305 votes, 56% like it
The Universe Constantly Expanding Explains My Weight Gain.
of 262 votes, 33% like it
Live Every Day Like You Died the Day Before.
of 275 votes, 41% like it
(in glow ink) I'm Glow-in-the-Dork.
of 321 votes, 48% like it
In An Alternate Dimension, I'm Reading Your Shirt Right Now.
of 293 votes, 47% like it
Global Warming is Really the Titanic Getting Revenge on Icebergs.
of 363 votes, 60% like it
I Fight Crime By Being So Broke That Nobody Wants to Mug Me.
of 310 votes, 45% like it
I'm No Artist, But I'm Very Good at Drawing a Blank.
of 315 votes, 39% like it
Land: It's Like the Ocean Floor, But Less Watered-Down.
of 319 votes, 45% like it
The Internet Was Closed So I Thought I'd Come Outside Today.
of 402 votes, 66% like it
You Look Exactly Like I Pictured You From My Binoculars.
of 342 votes, 52% like it
Ten Foot Poles Don't Like Touching Gross Stuff Either.
of 452 votes, 74% like it
A.A.A.A.A. (Artists Against Abhorent Alliteration Assocation)
of 332 votes, 36% like it
If You Can Read This, I'm Not a Very Good Ninja.
of 486 votes, 64% like it
I Used To Wear Suspenders, But I'm Overall That Now.
of 368 votes, 41% like it
'People Shall Finally Remember My Name Forever' -Anonymous
of 455 votes, 62% like it
I Lift Huge Dictionaries To Give Myself More Definition.
of 411 votes, 57% like it
(for babies): I'm Having a Party Over at My Crib Tonight.
of 361 votes, 47% like it
Turning a Frown Upside Down Would Seriously Damage Your Lips.
of 366 votes, 42% like it
Street Beggars Do Not Fear Change.
of 400 votes, 49% like it
Scientology: The Religion With the Best Laser Battles.
of 440 votes, 56% like it
I Really Hate Reverse Psychology. Or Do I?
of 549 votes, 68% like it
Every Year, 500 People Drown Doing the Wave At Sporting Events.
of 409 votes, 44% like it
Thankfully I Lost That Mob of Screaming Fans.
of 396 votes, 43% like it
Rise Above Your Enemies. Then Throw Things Down On Their Heads.
of 443 votes, 52% like it
Did a Lightbulb Appear Over Edison's Head When He Invented It?
of 445 votes, 49% like it
Crime Doesn't Pay. It Just Takes Without Asking.
of 443 votes, 51% like it
Conservatives Find the Ninja Turtles To Be Too Radical.
of 465 votes, 48% like it
To Meaure a Person's True Worth, Ask For Ransom.
of 426 votes, 40% like it
Swedes Don't Have Strange Names, They Were Just Bjorn That Way.
of 558 votes, 54% like it
The Meaning of Life is in Every Dictionary. What's the Confusion?
of 503 votes, 43% like it
Children Are Not the Future, Because By Then They'll Be Adults.
of 532 votes, 54% like it
I Come From the Future To Tell You...We Still Wear Clever Shirts.
of 486 votes, 39% like it
If You Can Read This, My Invisibility Cloak Isn't Doing Its Job.
of 598 votes, 61% like it
In Theory, I'm a Brilliant Theoretical Scientist.
of 480 votes, 44% like it
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? Oh, These Words. Carry On.
of 512 votes, 40% like it
Looney Toons Taught Me You Can Run on Air Until You Look Down.
of 576 votes, 57% like it
I Know I'm A Stranger, But I'm a Really Cool Stranger.
of 577 votes, 51% like it
Be a Non-Conformist. Everybody's Doin' It!
of 568 votes, 46% like it
That Reminds Me of a Boring Story I Take Forever To Tell.
of 726 votes, 67% like it
The Art of Conversation is, Like, Kinda Dead and Stuff.
of 604 votes, 57% like it
Seeing Me Dance is Like Watching a Crime Scene Re-Enactment.
of 494 votes, 34% like it
Complaining Loudly is Much More Fun Than Suffering in Silence.
of 520 votes, 47% like it
Santaclaustrophobia: The Fear of Jolly Fat Men in Tight Spaces.
of 479 votes, 35% like it
Tennis: The Only Sport Where Having Zero Gives You the Most Love.
of 496 votes, 38% like it
Jehovah's Witnesses Do Not Tell Each Other Knock-Knock Jokes.
of 520 votes, 37% like it
I Hear There's an 80% Chance of Small Talk About the Weather.
of 514 votes, 43% like it
My Love For Oxymorons is Bittersweet.
of 632 votes, 60% like it
I Listen To Bands That Don't Even Exist Yet.
of 718 votes, 67% like it
Screenwriters Are Always Plotting Something.
of 571 votes, 45% like it
Almost Everyone Who Insults Your Mom Doesn't Know Her. Relax.
of 610 votes, 49% like it
The Future Isn't What It Used To Be.
of 760 votes, 69% like it
Thinking Outside the Box is Hard When You're Trapped in a Cubicle
of 548 votes, 44% like it
Math Nerds Rarely Get Hurt Because There's Safety in Numbers.
of 543 votes, 42% like it
Nerds Dance To the Beat of Algorithms.
of 521 votes, 34% like it
Identity Theft is the Sincerest Form of Flattery
of 553 votes, 45% like it
When Fantasy & Nightmares Collide, Zombie Unicorns Are Born
of 576 votes, 45% like it
Mimes, Ninjas and Cholesterol: The Silent Killers
of 744 votes, 67% like it
A Good Friend Is Someone Who Eats All the Black Jellybeans.
of 605 votes, 48% like it
The Thesaurus Was the Most Meaning Full of All Dinosaurs
of 614 votes, 43% like it
An Innocent Game of Tic-Tac-Toe Sometimes Ends in XXX
of 599 votes, 40% like it
You Can't Spell "SARCASM" Without "LETTERS"
of 679 votes, 54% like it
Everything Was So Much Cooler Back In The Ice Age.
of 638 votes, 46% like it
I Listen to Christian Death Metal Just to Confuse the Devil
of 672 votes, 50% like it
(on back) If This is Getting Easier to Read, I Am Moonwalking
of 680 votes, 51% like it
I've Tried to Cut Down on My Exaggerating a Million Times!
of 670 votes, 39% like it
I Know My Left and Right Ventricles By Heart.
of 657 votes, 38% like it
Today, I Think I'll Turn My Life into a Five-Part Musical.
of 709 votes, 37% like it
Straight Tetris Piece, You Complete Me.
of 728 votes, 45% like it
Leap Years: Proof That Science Sometimes Cheats
of 813 votes, 57% like it
Penguins in Our Living Rooms: The One Upside to Global Warming
of 699 votes, 39% like it
Knowing is Half the Battle. The Other Half is Killing People.
of 804 votes, 48% like it
I Don't Know What to Think of Indecisive People
of 787 votes, 48% like it
Forget Terrorists, Why Haven't We Captured Carmen Sandiego Yet?
of 1085 votes, 70% like it
I Invented a Time Machine, But Only Use It To Piss Off Historians
of 716 votes, 38% like it
I Sneak My Inner Child Into "R" Rated Movies
of 779 votes, 38% like it
Sometimes I Wish I Could Shoot Turtle Shells Out of my Car
of 736 votes, 37% like it
My Life is Loosely Based on a True Story.
of 784 votes, 46% like it
Chess is Checkers Made Unnecessarily Hard
of 770 votes, 45% like it
Slogans that have been deleted or that have been dropped from the contest
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm In An Exclamatory Mood Today !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
of 41 votes, 24% like it
"Something Clever, Someone Once Said." -A Dead Guy
of 31 votes, 3% like it
#1 Overall Pick During the Natural Selection Draft.
of 41 votes, 20% like it
#1 Overall Pick Of The Natural Selection Draft.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
"Don't Quote Me on This!" - Me
of 45 votes, 22% like it
"Excuse Me While I Slip Onto Someone More Comfortable."
of 44 votes, 16% like it
"What if We ARE in the Matrix!?!" Said the Stoned Teen
of 36 votes, 11% like it
"X" Marks the Wrong Test Answer.
of 46 votes, 17% like it
'For A Limited Time' on TV Really Means 'Until the End of Time'.
of 44 votes, 9% like it
'I' 'Survived' 'the' 'Apostrophe' 'Catastrophe.'
of 49 votes, 24% like it
'Only the Good Die Young' Is Far From the Truth in Videogames.
of 42 votes, 19% like it
(4 Kids) My Parents Raise Me Well, and In Turn I Raise Hell!
of 41 votes, 24% like it
(baby) Of Course I Cry. I See What's Up People's Noses All Day.
of 35 votes, 9% like it
(For Babies) I Saw It With My Own Eyes: My Daddy is Santa Claus!
of 4 votes, 25% like it
(For Babies) Is My Hair Gonna Grow, Or Am I Already Going Bald?
of 31 votes, 23% like it
(For Babies) Why Are Adults More Amused By Cartoons Than I Am?
of 29 votes, 14% like it
(front) Should Be on the Back. (back) Should Be on the Front.
of 31 votes, 16% like it
(Front) +3 Magic Armor ; (Back) -52 Popularity Magnet
of 42 votes, 10% like it
(front) My Good Cop Profile / (back) My Bad Cop Profile
of 38 votes, 11% like it
(In An MPAA box) THIS LIFE IS NOT YET RATED.
of 44 votes, 9% like it
(in big type) WORD. (in small) and here's a few more words too.
of 23 votes, 4% like it
(in Braille w/english translation below) Please Don't Touch!
of 45 votes, 22% like it
(in brown text) Noser.
of 44 votes, 7% like it
(in cut-out-letter typeface) I LOVE WRITING RANSOM NOTES
of 38 votes, 18% like it
(in gold foil) Shiny Things Distract Me Too!
of 50 votes, 30% like it
(in gold print): I HATE ATTENTION SEEKERS!!!
of 33 votes, 15% like it
(like a store sign) My Mind: Yes, We're Open!
of 11 votes, 9% like it
(Note On Back of Shirt): Gone On Banana Pilgrimage / -Monkey
of 33 votes, 9% like it
(on a red shirt) This Shirt is Really Yellow in Disguise.
of 101 votes, 9% like it
(on a road sign) FINGER CROSSING
of 32 votes, 13% like it
(on a wifebeater) This Shirt In No Way Supports Spousal Abuse.
of 79 votes, 25% like it
(on front) Sometimes My Reactions Are a Bit... (on back) Delayed.
of 48 votes, 21% like it
(on green) Wearing This Color is Actually Pretty Damned Easy.
of 38 votes, 18% like it
(on red) Boy, Is My Face and Shirt Read.
of 40 votes, 18% like it
(on red) I'm Extremely Well-Red.
of 39 votes, 21% like it
(on yellow) This is My Camouflage To Blend in With Yellow Snow.
of 30 votes, 7% like it
(w/a drawing of eyeglasses) Does My Slogan Seem More Intelligent?
of 33 votes, 12% like it
(with a paint brush and splashes) Who Arted?
of 33 votes, 24% like it
(WITH GLOSSY INK) Shiny Stuff Distracts Me Too.
of 32 votes, 16% like it
+H!$ $H!R+ !$ M@/) $YMB0/_ ! <
of 48 votes, 6% like it
100 People Were Surveyed and the #1 Answer Was "You".
of 47 votes, 13% like it
18 Out of 23 People Agree That This is a Strange Number to Sample
of 44 votes, 25% like it
2 Things About Me: I'm the Best Thing Ever & Incredibly Humbl
of 2 votes, 0% like it
2 Things About Me: I'm the Best Thing Ever and Incredibly Humble.
of 34 votes, 21% like it
2nd Grade: A Golden Age For the "Rubber/Glue" Comeback
of 35 votes, 14% like it
4 Out of 5 Doctors Agree That Doctors Agreeing Means Nothing
of 48 votes, 17% like it
4 Out of 5 Doctors Agree That You Do Not Exist.
of 53 votes, 23% like it
4 Out of 5 People Agree That the Most Popular Answer Is Right.
of 47 votes, 30% like it
4 Out of 5 People Prefer Actual Cake to Urinal Cakes.
of 37 votes, 24% like it
5 Out of 5 Dead People Agree That Silence is Golden.
of 35 votes, 17% like it
5 Out of 5 Zombies Agree: BRAIIIIIIINS!!!!
of 34 votes, 18% like it
A Can Play Two Double-Guitars At Once.
of 23 votes, 9% like it
A Chainsaw Beats Rocks, Paper, Scissors.
of 312 votes, 29% like it
A Dollar Coin is Money That Hasn't Yet Evolved.
of 38 votes, 18% like it
A Friend of My Cousin's Sister Created All the Urban Legends
of 46 votes, 24% like it
A Hitman Comedian Slays His Audience Every Night
of 39 votes, 13% like it
A Homosapien Is Just a Link on the Chain Towards Floating Brains
of 46 votes, 11% like it
A Key Grip's Real Job is Murdering People For the Director.
of 29 votes, 14% like it
A Lifetime of Wrongs Don't Make a Last Rite.
of 34 votes, 18% like it
A Mirror Is Never the Same After Its First Break-Up.
of 37 votes, 27% like it
A Once-in-a-Lifetime Miracle Just Happened Behind You.
of 212 votes, 32% like it
A Person Who Can Do Almost Everything Can Actually Do Nothing.
of 37 votes, 16% like it
A Pinky Swear Is Still Considered Cursing.
of 26 votes, 12% like it
A Rap Star's Part-Time Job is Throwing Money At Cameras.
of 27 votes, 11% like it
A RONDAM T-SRIHT PORGARM CMAE UP WTIH TIHS SLOAGN.
of 42 votes, 5% like it
A Satanist's Worse Fear is Going to Heaven.
of 26 votes, 23% like it
A Smiling Flamethrower is Not a Good Example of Friendly Fire.
of 41 votes, 10% like it
A Ton of Falling Bricks Are Really Good at Flattery.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
A Vomitorium is NOT What It Sounds Like.
of 44 votes, 5% like it
A Vulcan Serial Killer is Psycho Logical.
of 33 votes, 9% like it
A Waffle Iron Makes Your Shirt All Sticky.
of 41 votes, 20% like it
A Wrinkle in Time Needs to Be Ironed Properly.
of 38 votes, 34% like it
ABRACADABRA!: The Ultimate Curse Word.
of 31 votes, 13% like it
Achieving Immortality Is A Cause Worth Dying For
of 106 votes, 17% like it
ACHIEVING IMMORTALITY: Finally, A Cause Worth Dying For.
of 40 votes, 13% like it
Acrobats Do Cartwheels in Their Graves Instead of Spinning.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
Act 1: U Read Shirt Act 2: U Are Confused Act 3: U Get the Joke!
of 27 votes, 15% like it
Action Movies Speak Louder Than Critic's Blurbs.
of 45 votes, 9% like it
ADD. It's as Easy as One, Two, Trees.
of 28 votes, 14% like it
Adorable, Fluffy Kittens Wanted For Useless & Painful Experiments
of 66 votes, 21% like it
Adventurous Musicians Love to Bar Hop.
of 41 votes, 7% like it
After Building a Middle School, Some Assemblies Are Required.
of 48 votes, 25% like it
After Exercising, I Can Open Up My Own Sweat Shop.
of 39 votes, 15% like it
After Much Soul Searching, I Remembered It Was Under the Car Seat
of 47 votes, 36% like it
After Reading This, Whatever I Say Has GOT To Be More Clever.
of 46 votes, 13% like it
against all odds, my heart remains as open as a child's eyes.
of 21 votes, 5% like it
Air Ducts are Quite Good at Venting Their Frustrations
of 39 votes, 10% like it
Air Has a Monopoly on the Entire Breathing Marketplace.
of 38 votes, 26% like it
Aliens Are So Xenophobic.
of 51 votes, 14% like it
Aliens Eat Their Dinners on Saucers
of 88 votes, 14% like it
All Atlantis Needed Was a Really Good Plumber
of 202 votes, 34% like it
All I Got From the Boston Tee Party Was This Lousy Shirt.
of 36 votes, 14% like it
All I Hear Are Charlie Brown's Trombone Parents When You Talk
of 28 votes, 4% like it
All Stereotypes Have Stupid Looking Letters
of 52 votes, 6% like it
All the People Who Speak in Absolutes Make Me Sick.
of 24 votes, 17% like it
All the Personalities In My Head Use Their Inside Voices
of 36 votes, 19% like it
All This Pointless Violence in Life Makes Me Wanna Break Things.
of 42 votes, 17% like it
All Those Stolen Glances At Me Could Wind You Up in the Slammer.
of 48 votes, 15% like it
Always Trust Ur Instincts, Unless They Tell You To Punch a Zebra.
of 85 votes, 34% like it
Always Trust Your Instincts, Unless They Tell U To Punch a Zebra
of 123 votes, 16% like it
Am I Going Insane, Or is That Just a Bunch of Crazy Talk?
of 54 votes, 15% like it
Am I the ONLY One Still Using Friendster?!?!?!
of 21 votes, 0% like it
Am I the ONLY One Still Using Kazaa?!?!?!?
of 21 votes, 5% like it
Americans and Mexicans Agree: 'No' Means 'No'!
of 39 votes, 21% like it
An Apple a Day Keeps Adam and Eve in Eternal Sin.
of 42 votes, 29% like it
An Avalanche is Really Mountain Dandruff
of 38 votes, 13% like it
Ancient Rome is Totally Ruined.
of 44 votes, 20% like it
And that's how fireworks are made.
of 30 votes, 7% like it
Anecdote Me.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
Angry Sentences Make Cross Words.
of 36 votes, 22% like it
Annoyed at the hardcore penetration of sexual innuendo on shirts
of 26 votes, 8% like it
Anti-Pasta Salads Are Biased Against Rigatoni.
of 53 votes, 9% like it
Any Car Can Be a Compact If You Hit Enough Trees.
of 48 votes, 33% like it
Apathetic People, Wave Ur Hands in the Air Like U Just Don't Care
of 46 votes, 20% like it
Architects Construct Ideas; Philosophers Deconstruct Ideas.
of 38 votes, 21% like it
Are "Fun Size" Candy Portions Trying To Be Ironic?
of 17 votes, 18% like it
Are the Men With Nets From the Booby Hatch Gone Yet?
of 25 votes, 4% like it
Are You Hearing Voices In Your Head While Reading This?
of 39 votes, 18% like it
Aren't Rhetorical Questions Awesome?
of 50 votes, 12% like it
Arm Bands Never Break a Sweat While They Rock Out.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
Art is the Alternative Energy Power Source I Thrive On.
of 32 votes, 22% like it
Artists Are Always Broke From Overdrawing Their Bank Accounts.
of 35 votes, 20% like it
Artists Are So Broke Because Their Bank Accounts Are Overdrawn.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
Artists Build Their Homes Out of Construction Paper.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
As Opposed to Men, the Earth Gets Bigger the Colder it Becomes.
of 41 votes, 17% like it
As Time Has Shown Us, Flava Flav Was Obviously the Talented One.
of 47 votes, 17% like it
Ask Me About My Love For Answering Questions
of 42 votes, 24% like it
Ask Me For Directions to the Secret Warp Door.
of 23 votes, 13% like it
Aspiring Clergymen Who Climb Up the Ranks Wear Cross-Trainers.
of 34 votes, 15% like it
Aspiring Priests Like to Jog in Cross-Trainers
of 53 votes, 19% like it
Astronauts Are Only In It For the Free Parachute Ride.
of 53 votes, 32% like it
Astronomers Are Only Watching Stars Undress From Their Telescopes
of 46 votes, 20% like it
Astronomers Are the Peeping Toms of the Galaxy
of 37 votes, 24% like it
At Least Look Me in the Eye While You're Reading My Shirt.
of 45 votes, 24% like it
At Least My Emotional Baggage Has Really Cute Love Handles.
of 38 votes, 34% like it
At This Stage of My Life, I'm Only a Mildly Perturbed Scientist.
of 44 votes, 30% like it
At Times, My Grandfather Clock Forgets Where To Put His Hands.
of 39 votes, 21% like it
At Times, My Grandfather Clock Forgets Where To Put Its Hands.
of 38 votes, 16% like it
Atari E.T. Record Holder For Most Time Spent Stuck in a Hole
of 24 votes, 4% like it
Athlete's Foot Is Not As Bad As Missle Toe.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
Athlete's Foot Is Not Nearly As Painful As Missle Toe.
of 34 votes, 29% like it
Awesome Chase Sequence Needed For a Future Film About My Life
of 145 votes, 17% like it
Babble-On Was the Ancient City of Talk Show Hosts.
of 38 votes, 24% like it
Babies: Give Them a Little Time, and They'll Grow on You.
of 50 votes, 24% like it
Baby Astronauts Sometimes Need Boosters For Their Rocket Seats.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
Baby Birds Looking Through Windows from Treetops Are Peeping.
of 34 votes, 6% like it
Baby Cameras Love to Play With Dollies.
of 40 votes, 5% like it
Baby Talk is a Universal Language.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
Back in My Day, Slogans Were Only Made For Billboards!
of 29 votes, 21% like it
Badminton Pros Love To Skillfully Finesse Their Shuttlecock
of 39 votes, 13% like it
Banding Together & Attacking Humans is For 'The Birds'.
of 38 votes, 21% like it
Banks Are Such Loaners.
of 28 votes, 29% like it
Banks With Only One Branch Are Such Loaners.
of 46 votes, 20% like it
Bathrooms Celebrate Birthdays With Urinal Cakes.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
Be A Non-Conformist. Don't Listen to What Simon Says.
of 37 votes, 22% like it
Be Like a Meteor Shower and Make Daily Impacts.
of 48 votes, 13% like it
Be Like Mic & Amplify Your Voice.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
Beck is a Scientologist. Now I'm Scared.
of 48 votes, 6% like it
Becoming a Zombie Gives You a Second Chance at Life.
of 137 votes, 34% like it
Beggars Want the Most Change All Over the World.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
Being a Sinner Gets You Front Row Tickets to the Armageddon Show.
of 53 votes, 15% like it
Being Clinically Insane Means Never Having to Say "I'm Sorry
of 39 votes, 15% like it
Being Faster Than a Speeding Bullet Sucks When You Need To Rest.
of 39 votes, 10% like it
Being Green With Envy Does Not Help Out the Environment.
of 52 votes, 33% like it
Being Irony-Deficient is the Number One Killer of Good Jokes
of 39 votes, 18% like it
Being Sleep Deprived is Like Going to a Funhouse For Free.
of 13 votes, 8% like it
Believing in Scientology is Like Praying to a Hyperspace Drive
of 79 votes, 16% like it
Bet You Can't Make a New Word That Isn't Already in the Alphabet
of 37 votes, 5% like it
Betsy Ross Made a 'Blinged-Out' Version of the Flag As Well.
of 18 votes, 11% like it
Betsy Ross Recieved Plenty of Gold Stars From Her Teachers.
of 21 votes, 14% like it
Big Fires in Winter Can Give You 3rd Degree Freezer Burns.
of 16 votes, 6% like it
Bike Salesmen Pedal Their Wares All Over the Place.
of 45 votes, 13% like it
Bill Gates's Home is Quietly Plotting to Take Over the World
of 50 votes, 8% like it
Bill Gates's House = Intellectual Property
of 44 votes, 2% like it
Birds That Go Skydiving Aren't As Extreme As It Sounds.
of 46 votes, 22% like it
Bo Knows How to Disappear From the Spotlight
of 3 votes, 0% like it
Bo Knows No Longer.
of 18 votes, 6% like it
Board Games Have Made Me Expect Money Around Parking Spaces.
of 37 votes, 19% like it
Bogeymen Enjoy the Nightlife.
of 34 votes, 18% like it
Boobs: The Best Proof Against the World Not Being Flat.
of 33 votes, 18% like it
Booby Hatch Escapee
of 41 votes, 0% like it
Bookmarks Are Like Prisoners Kept Inside a Paper Jail Cell.
of 1 votes, 100% like it
Bookmarks Are Like Prisoners Kept Inside Paper Jail Cells.
of 40 votes, 28% like it
Bookworms Read Too Much Into Things.
of 46 votes, 37% like it
Boomerang Throwing Stars Cut the Number of Ninjas in Half.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
Boomerang Throwing Stars Never Caught On in the Ninja Community.
of 42 votes, 29% like it
Boomerang Throwing Stars Was The Ninja Class Clown's Downfall.
of 29 votes, 24% like it
Bosses Perfect Their Downsizing Skills At Firing Ranges.
of 53 votes, 11% like it
Bow-Chicka-Wow!
of 35 votes, 9% like it
Brains: The Thinking Person's Organ of Choice.
of 31 votes, 19% like it
Breast Reductions Can Lead To Long-Term Mammary Loss.
of 42 votes, 24% like it
Broken Mirrors Aren't All They're Cracked Up To Be.
of 35 votes, 20% like it
Building a Highway So My Ideas Don't Hurt As They Go Over Ur Head
of 38 votes, 11% like it
By Chuckling At This Tee, My Laughing Stock Goes Up in Value.
of 27 votes, 15% like it
By My Calculations, You Should Be Done Reading This Slogan...NOW.
of 34 votes, 29% like it
By Reading This Shirt You Have Consented To Do My Laundry
of 104 votes, 17% like it
By Reading This You Are Now a Member of My Fan Club.
of 38 votes, 24% like it
Cache Moves Everything Around Me.
of 32 votes, 13% like it
Can We Bring Metaphors Back to Rap Music PLEASE?
of 21 votes, 5% like it
Can We Just Round Up to 3.15 And Be Done With It?
of 52 votes, 15% like it
Cannibals Are Just Really Dedicated Members of PETA.
of 55 votes, 29% like it
Cannibals Can't Get Enough of Knuckle Sandwiches.
of 38 votes, 29% like it
Cannibals Can't Get Enough of Knuckle Snadwiches.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
Capitalism is an All-Consuming Way of Life.
of 39 votes, 18% like it
Capitalism: So, How Much is Dignity & Self-Respect Gonna Cost
of 1 votes, 100% like it
Capitalistic Lifestyles Are All-Consuming.
of 38 votes, 11% like it
Care To Conspire On a Theory With Me?
of 31 votes, 19% like it
Careful of Theoretical Debris When Near a Deconstruction Site.
of 46 votes, 22% like it
Careless Artists Overdraw Their Bank Accounts.
of 30 votes, 27% like it
Carmen Sandiego Funds Terrorism
of 31 votes, 10% like it
Castles Invented Moats To Keep Out People Like Me.
of 40 votes, 13% like it
Cats Create Things From Scratch.
of 50 votes, 26% like it
Cats Who Love Videogames Have Eight 1Ups.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
CEO & Chairman of the Bored
of 44 votes, 16% like it
Chain Wallets Demand Their Freedom From Your Pants NOW!
of 40 votes, 15% like it
Charming Zombies Are Such Man-Eaters.
of 30 votes, 17% like it
Chinese Pillow Fight Torture: Not as Painful as the Alternative.
of 47 votes, 11% like it
Choose Clarinets Not Bayonets
of 272 votes, 19% like it
ChristmaHanuKwanzica Sounds Like A Scientologist Holiday
of 41 votes, 10% like it
Civil War Reenactments Are Like a Lazy Man's Time Travel.
of 55 votes, 29% like it
Clark Kent Gets All His Fast Food Super-Sized.
of 34 votes, 18% like it
Cliffs Diving: The Extreme Sport That Skips to the Good Parts.
of 37 votes, 5% like it
Clocks Have Too Much Time on Their Hands.
of 45 votes, 33% like it
Cloning Makes It Way More Fun to Play With Myself.
of 59 votes, 32% like it
Cloning Someone Doesn't Take Much Originality.
of 50 votes, 26% like it
Clown College is No Laughing Matter.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
Clumsy DJ's Drop Mad Beats.
of 26 votes, 8% like it
Cobra Hates Us For Our Freedom.
of 62 votes, 24% like it
Colors That Run Live Longer Than Those That Don't.
of 45 votes, 29% like it
Coming Next Olympics: The Short & Long Distance Relationship
of 57 votes, 33% like it
Commercials Are Just Super-Sexy Mind Control.
of 36 votes, 33% like it
Computer Minesweeper is a Secret Army Recruitment Tool!
of 47 votes, 15% like it
Computer Nerds Like To Be Paid in Cache.
of 39 votes, 23% like it
Computer Nerds Like You To Pay Them in Cache.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
Confucius Say Wisdom Sounds Better After a Belly Full of Wontons.
of 23 votes, 9% like it
Conjunctions Are Such a Pain in the As.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
CONTENTS: 99% Sarcasm, 1% Twinkies
of 53 votes, 17% like it
Continually Fielding Questions For My Imaginary Press Conference
of 40 votes, 13% like it
Cooperation Means Others Working Together To Do Exactly As I Say.
of 42 votes, 21% like it
Cows Pass Dairy Air
of 17 votes, 0% like it