so i whip it out right in front of him and fill the cup till he's satisfied



What the FUCK kind of doctor do you go to?!

tracer,



it is a drug test... they try to monitor it as closely as possible. i hope they at least let him turn around. if not, I would have pissed on the doc's shoes

well, you can turn around, but then he just gets a better view since there is a big fucking mirror right there. so i sort of stood sideways.



then i slapped him with it.

Why did you tell the guy that you smoked recently?



I wouldve just bought a home test if I were you, tested myself before I went to the test, then told the guy that I've never smoked when I got there.

I know, but generally there are more private ways of monitoring. I actually just got a letter today saying I need to do a drug test for this place that offered me a job, and in the description of how the test will be administered, there's no mention of "The doctor will fiercely watch as you unzip your pants and fill the cup"

why are yo on probation.

well, i told him in hopes he wouldn't test me. it was my first time there, and if he knew that i had smoked less than a month ago, i could have failed. failing your first test doesn't really mean anything. it can, but it usually doesn't. so i was just honest and told him. he was a nice guy about it.



and there is a big difference between drug testing for a job, and drug testing because you're on probation.



i am on probation for possession. :( i'll tell the story again. so i get pulled over for my headlight, and the cop walks up and goes, sir, step out of the car. that's the only thing he says. so i'm like wtf bitch why? and he's all "just do it" so by now i'm a little scared. so i comply. he tells me he saw a bag of weed in my back seat, and i was like, ...no you didn't because there is no bag of weed in my back seat. so he opens the back door and pulls out this bag of weed from somewhere in the back seat that i've never seen before. it had like, nothing in it. he asks if i have anything else in my car, because he's going to search it anyway. i had a bowl with resin in it. so he takes that. (which was 80 dollars :( poor ocean swan..)



then i go to the court house, and on the police report, it says "saw a pipe in the back seat, searched car and found nothing else, but the pipe clearly had marijuana resin in it" or something along those lines. nothing about the bag of weed. motha fuckas.



but yeah, 6 months probation and like 500 dollars in fines altogether.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.







good luck, youngstah!

While you were asleep, we switched your ordinary urine with Non-caffeinated Columbian Instant Coffee Crystals.



Let's see if he notices.

thanks dude. i'm not expecting six months to be that hard. it's not like i was addicted to coke or anything. just smoked a little trizzle.

i dont understand how people get addicted.



the body is wieeeeerd.

i'm not even sure what to say to that.

whip it....whip it good

i was addicted to pepsi once

i've never ben arrested....or stopped by a cop. wonder how it feels.

what do girls do when they're getting drug tested....



we can't just "whip itout"

do we get a bathrooooooom?

you squat

here, i will show you, in words.



/driving

/cop lights turn on behind you

/you notice, and pull over immediately, careful not to piss anybody off or make it seem like you're running or something

/pulled over on the side of the road, cop sits in his car for about 12 minutes

"SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO? WAS I SPEEDING? IS MY HEADLIGHT OUT? DID I HIT SOMEBODY? SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT."

that's all in your head, by the way.

/cop walks up and asks for license and registration

/you comply

/he tells you what's wrong and gives you a ticket, or doesn't

/he drives away



in the end, you're left with less money in your pocket, almost a heart attack, and plenty of time wasted.

well, my ex is also on probation, and i'm not entirely sure how she does the deed, but you can bet your ass that the probation officer watches the girls too.



guys get a guy officer, girls get a girl one.

large female cops are scarier than large male cops

when I had to take a drug test for a job, they checked to make sure I didn't have anything on me and then sent me into their special lab bathroom

I tried to get a job designing at pepsi, but I tested positive for coke

yeah those possession charges are bogus man. I have a buddy that had the same thing happen, rolled through a stop sign, cop suspected something and found a pipe with resin.



but anyways to my point, he had to take a drug test to be rehired from his internship to the full-time pos. they were offering. They told him wednesday morning that he needed to take the test by fridday, after we had smoked tuesday night of course. After some freaking out we headed up to the head shop by my house and got one of those drinks that cleans your system... after vitamins and some of that crap he actually passed, i dont know if they just didnt care or if it really didnt show up but you should consider using it for your next text. 60$ down the drain maybe but hell you spend that on a good bag of ganj anyway

The substances that "clean" your system actually make themselves readily known to testers. So while you dont test positive for drugs, you do for the stuff that cleans your system, which can make them test you more often.

juliejeremiah on Sep 28 '07 at 12:39pm

While you were asleep, we switched your ordinary urine with Non-caffeinated Columbian Instant Coffee Crystals.



Let's see if he notices.



"Sir, did you know that you are not drinking urine, but Columbian Instant Coffee Crystals?"



*pause* "You LIED TO ME. YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU LIED TO ME!"



Love that sketch.

after the first blog i posted, the most common thing i was told to do was drink cranberry juice. so i went to the store and got two liters of 100% unsweetened cranberry juice. that shit was vile. it taste horrible, gave me a headache, and made me want to puke all at once. but somehow, within the time, i finished both. the cranberry juice has actually grown on me a little bit.



i can't say for sure if that's what made me pass, but i did pass, and i drank cranberry juice, so..

Ahahahah!



"You BASTARD!"



Ohh I miss Chris Farley.

You'll have plenty of time to drink Non-Caffeinated Columbian Instant Coffee Crystals when you're living in a van down by the river, watchin da Bears win da Super Bowl, and playing Japanese game shows.

well i dont know how that would be possible man... testing is done with very specific substances in mind, if they test for thc they arent just going to say hey, there is another substance that cleaned out his system here too, at least to my knowledge. i mean the main ingredient was dandelion



cranberry juice and water are great, so are vitamins but for christs sake do not take more than one or two a day, that will destroy your liver

who needs a liver these days?

actually ellsswhere they do blanket tests, they dont just test for thc, its a chemical breakdown. Certain drugs have to be specifically tested for, but many substances will show up in a normal drug test.

yay drugs!

drugs are NOT bad

word.

Shirt and I agree to disagree.

this blog should make for some good reading later



*watches*

Prohibition is worse than (most) drugs, unless you work in the prohibition industry. Which is why it ain't going away...morals, practicality, or common sense be damned.



J. Edgar Hoover was a complete scumbag but a sharp cookie nonetheless.

i don't really understand that quote, to tell you the truth.

When the US ended alcohol prohibition, the FBI had a vice shortage. So they found a new demon to chase after. Alcohol prohibition was contentious because too many "respectable" people wanted it. MJ, on the other hand, was used primarily by the underclass, and therefore was much easier to "eradicate".



Not that seven decades of obviously failed policy has brought about a reassessment, of course. Power is a stronger drug than crack.

I was one of the dudes that said drink the cranberry, glad it worked for you.



I'm also addicted to it now.