My name's Jack Noel, and my story's best told via the mik topped medium that is cereal.

I started off on the soft stuff. Coco Pops mainly, bowls of sweets covered in semi-skimmed to compensate. I ate own brand versions of Lucky Charms on a Saturday, and could still feel my teeth buzz on the Tuesday.

As I matured I started to get serious. Frosted Flakes to plain Flakes to brown Flakes. I had a couple of years on Weetabix, becoming a man, testing my limits. I mixed it up with bowls, sugar, fruit and spoon variations.

Muesli's good for learning with because it's a spectrum. There's alpen, it's just dust really, and then there's the stuff you have to leave to soak for a week before you attempt it. Eventually you're eating it after one night, but you have to be patient, it's a gradual process. The Brazil nuts never really soften though- you have to harden.

Currently I'm in a porridge phase. It's best prepared in a saucepan, of course, but to my shame I often use a microwave. Generally I go for raisins and muscovado, but have tried salt and coffee. I guess you'll never know if your ready for that kind of shit unless you try it. I wasn't, but one day I will be. One day.