hmmm... the comic didn't post


hopefully that works

it wasn't exactly a date, but I brought roses.. then some vomiting followed. Talk about timing

nevermind... here's the link

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Sombody+put+shit+in+my+pants+FULL+This+is+the_8acd86_375729.jpg

when i was dating my now ex-gf, we went to the gas station to get gas. she told me she's never pumped gas before so i told her to come out and do it. she did, but unfortunately she never let go of the trigger on the nozzle so when she pulled it out of the car, she showered me completely in gasoline.

that shit stunk so badly. i had a change of shirt but it was all over my jeans. so when we went to starbucks shortly after, it stunk up the place so bad that the people at starbucks kept running around back and forth thinking there was some sort of gas leak. it was just me.

I see them all^

oh, and we ended up running into a bunch of our friends who were also there to experience this. good times.

weird.. it's not showing up for me at all! Oh well...

jeffreyg - that's amazing. I'm glad she wasn't a smoker and didn't burn you alive

Man, that's like $3.50 all over your clothes.

This one time I went on a blind date. I talked to the girl on the phone a bunch before hand and she sounded hot so...why not?
Then I got to her place. The door opens and out comes this wildebeest creature. Seriously this girl was ugly. I know that sounds shallow but we are talking really ugly here. I was a little bit insulted actually because she had a pic of me and somehow thought it would work. I didn't have the nerve to scream and run to my car, so we went out. Not to the nice place(s) I had planned, but to Chili's. All I remember is her getting the chicken tenders and chowing down on that corn cob. *shudder*

mine involved drinking tequila like it was water, then lots of vomiting, then my date had to practically carry me to my door. then i spent the next couple days in bed.

jeff's date reminds me of that scene from Zoolander...

i went to pick up this girl i met at hardees between school and the football game that night. it was saturday and my buddy billy was hiding in the way back of my parents oldsmobile bravada. when i got to her house, before i could even get to the door she flies out, tears flying off her face as she sprinted past me. we get in the truck and we sit for a second as she's crying/balling/sniffling. after a few moments i get her to calm down and explain what happened
"i hate my dad."
pretty reasonable. we were both like 16 so it was normal to have these blow ups.
"he's such a dick. i hate him"
ok, i thought, it's ok to leave now. she seems ok and cool.

so we start backing up out of her driveway and in the rearview i can see billy stealthly making his way up the row of seats. im telling him, with angry eyes, that the plan is off. but he doesn't see me/ ignores me. now he's right behind her seat.

"i'm so glad you came to get me. means a lot"

and just then billy swings his arms around the chair and she screamed so loud. So loud i swear to god that i lost some hearing in my right ear. instinctively, her left elbow swung up and caught billy right in his nose and sent him backwards to the bench seat.
i hit the brakes to tell her that we're just messing around but she was out the passenger door so fast i'm surprised she was able to get her seatbelt off.

last time i ever saw her.

i do recall that he did NOT take advantage of my condition that night. probably because of my puke breath.

I went on a double date with this girl I really liked, but her friend were total dipshits. We met up with them at a bar on campus. They were deep in a conversation where they tried to figure out what animals are on a farm, and then what sounds those animals make. She got miffed that I didn't want to participate in that convo. It was total insanity. I was waiting for a camera crew to pop up to tell me I was being punked.

jeffreyg on Oct 04 '11 at 12:09pm
when i was dating my now ex-gf, we went to the gas station to get gas. she told me she's never pumped gas before so i told her to come out and do it. she did, but unfortunately she never let go of the trigger on the nozzle so when she pulled it out of the car, she showered me completely in gasoline.

that shit stunk so badly. i had a change of shirt but it was all over my jeans. so when we went to starbucks shortly after, it stunk up the place so bad that the people at starbucks kept running around back and forth thinking there was some sort of gas leak. it was just me.

TL;DR: Jeff's date pulled out and got him all wet and smelly

Here's one of mine

This one was me: I couldn't find this chicks place for the life of me. She lived out in bumblef*ck IL. Total middle of nowhere. So in my defense the street sign to her road was knocked down. In the meantime I was 2 hours late, and was getting direction from her, and then her dad. I did finally find her, we ended up just going straight to a movie. Needless to say we didn't connect because of my inability to find her place and my two hour tardiness. Never went on another date.

in 11th grade i went on my first date with my then-girlfriend. we saw rush hour 2. partway through the movie my nose started bleeding like crazy and i had to stay in the bathroom for about 20 minutes or so.

I tried craigslist once a while back (yeah, i know), and it was awful. I exchanged emails for a bit with this girl, exchanged pics (she seemed cute), and spoke on the phone a few times. Eventually we decided to hang out. I suggested we get a coffee or something, but she tells me I should just come to her place. She still lived with her parents (which, ok fine whatever), and told me they were going to be gone all day. I was a tad wary of the invitation, but whatevs, I'll give it a whirl. I get there, she comes out, and dude... hunchback. Seriously. It's hard not to be shallow when... hunchback. To make matters more exciting, her parents are there. I get greeted by her mom who goes on to tell me how she loves my art. So craigslist girl told her parents all about me, and her mom was genuinely excited to meet me. This was my cue to run, and I didnt. So we go in, and then I get roped into chatting with her younger sister. Her sister really liked my jeans. So eventually we stop talking to her sister, and hunchy's all "Let's hangout in my sisters room, cause my room's a mess". So we go in her sister's room and it's so awkward. I just kinda stared at the wall trying to think of some excuse to leave (cause for whatever reason, I'm too polite to be like "Fuck this" and leave). Silence is occasionally broken by awkward conversation. It's then decided we're going to get some food (again, what is wrong with me?). The restaurant of choice is Subway (lol), and as we're leaving her mom hands me money to pay for our food. WUT. So we eat... more awkward X30, and then finally I say I have to go. Weird hug. Run to my car. Shake my fist at the sky.

So I guess the moral of the story is, never craigslist. Sure, you might get a free meal out of it, but that meal also comes with a hunchback.

one time I didn't bring enough chloroform and the girl woke up

I was at home, scrubbing my super-bitchy stepmother's marble floor. Just another typical Saturday, when all of a sudden, this tiny little old lady appears, seemingly out of nowhere, and claims to be my "fairy godmother!" WTF???

She tapped me with a small black stick, which she claimed to be her "magic wand" and wow, my tattered clothes turned into this super awesome dress. Dayum, I looked *HOT*

She shoo'd me off to the big dance that was taking place at the richest kid in school's house. When I walked in through the front door, he instantly fell for me (*duh*) and we danced to all of our favorite songs including "Who Let the Dogs Out" and "Funky Cold Medina."

I noticed it was getting late and the old bag had mentioned something about my dress turning back to rags at midnight so I thought I'd better jet. Rich kid (his name is Race Fantistico) was being uber chatty, though, and I lost track of time while he was yammering on about his football scholarship.

His clock radio changed to 12:00 and my awesome dress changed back into the frumpy last season's Forever 21 outfit I had been wearing earlier. OMG soooooo embarrasing!!!!!

@twiggyhall: shenanigans.

@nick: tomfoolery

^that's too funny!

poor steve lol :(

Dude, hunchy is probably reading that right now, Steve.

The worst thing that ever happened to me on a date was my first date with my now husband. We'd been best friends for a couple years but had finally dumped our worthless significant others to date each other. We went to Arby's before seeing a movie and I spilled my little cheese sauce cup (for the fries) on his new white tennis shoes.

I think I'm now insanely grateful for that being the worst experience; some of what y'all have been through is bananas.

Oh man, the hunchers story is too funny!

My most embarrassing is too embarrassing to tell.

My already dumb post is even dumber coming after Steve's funny one, loltears

A few years ago, I went on a date with a girl I also met from Craigslist. We went out on St. Patrick's day, she was pretty normal from the e-mails and aim convos we had. Everything was cool, we got along pretty well. So through dinner we started telling random stories about ourselves, and our weird interests and whatnot. Then she tells me she writes erotic fanfiction, and I was like "a second ago, we were talking about our favorite types of cheese, how did we get here" in my head. Even though that totally weirded me out, I was like "who am I to judge?" so I humored her. Then things got weird, she was telling me about her stories and I was listening and trying to divert my awkward feelingness by injecting jokes here and there. Things did not get any less awkward, because information kept on being too much.

A lot of the writers that I now follow/follow me are erotic romance authors.

steve wins

I went on a date with a guy who wouldn't stop talking about his ex. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that he mentioned her name in EVERY SENTENCE. He had no opinions or thoughts of his own on anything, and couldn't think of anything to say about himself that didn't somehow involve her. At first, I thought, 'That bitch really did a number on him to mess him up like this', but it became clear that she jumped that sinking ship to save herself, and she quickly became my hero. By the end of the tedious meal, I ran off and wished I never got out of bed that morning.

spacesick on Oct 04 '11 at 1:13pm one time I didn't bring enough chloroform and the girl woke up

LOL

My worst date ever was way back in my last year of elementary school, there was this girl that I liked but she agreed to go out with me so her brother could go on a date with my sister ( double date ) so we go out to the local park and my sister is sitting near by talking with this guy while the girl I liked just kept on informing me how much she disliked me and the many reason why she wouldn't go out with me if it wasn't becasue of her brother's crush on my sister. I just sat there like an idiot until my sister ( who was close enough to hear all this shit ) gets up , comes over to where I was, grabs my hand and tells me to get the fuck out of there. So we start walking but then my sister stops and goes back to where this girl was and tells her she was acting like a fucking bitch.
Lost the girl but things were really OK between me and my sister for a long while.

hunchy haunts my dreams

she haunches my dreams

I applaud your sister!!

Also, I think I saw that same thing happen on Family Ties once

There was this one time I got real slicked up. I mean, I looked GOOD. Polished my shoes, pressed my suit (I got the thing at goodwill, but it fit me like a lanky, three piece glove), and even bought a brand new tie.

Then I took off my pants, sat on my couch, and watched Dr. Who till the wee hours of the morning. Because I was alone.

September 30, 2011. Worst date of my life.

I was in a job interview back in April/May of 2000 at a sign shop. The manager gets a phone call and steps out of the office. In steps this woman who works there. She's not unattractive but certainly not attractive. She asks me on a date...

Okay, sure.

She writes her # on a Post-it. Manager comes back in, we finish the interview. When I call the crazy chick later she says we're going to Wholly Guacamole tomorrow night and to pick her up at work...

Okay, sure.

We get there and the hostess asks "Just the two of you?" and in the middle of me saying yes the loon interrupts me and tells her we're meeting some people...

Wait, what?

It turns out the people we're meeting is everyone from her work. After a very uncomfortable dinner and odd looks from all of her co-workers i turn down a second date and ask if she can get a ride from someone else because "I live in the other direction".

I didn't get the job.

What if the whole date is embarrassing? Steve's was pretty good but I have one.
So I too tried CL once... I'll never make that mistake again.

Here's how the prior communication to the date went down:
•She said she was 19 (I was 21 at the time)
•I told her we should hang out with her friend(s) so we'd both be more comfortable than just hanging out with complete internet stranger one on one...

So I pick her up, as we're driving to her friend's house... she points a a building and says "there's my school"...It was a highschool

I ask..."You said you were 19...I thought you were in college"

She said..."I'm 17, I must have mistyped that"

Me being too polite, instead of turning the car around, I was like...ok fine, things will just be mildly awkward, and I'll treat her as a little sister, and not give her any of the wrong messages

We get to her friend's house to pick her up and go to the mall for a movie... her friend I find is not only grounded and can't leave her house... but is also 15 years old. *gulp*

So she invites us in and says we can hang out there. Her parents are home and doing the laundry etc. We go and chill on a couch in her room, her door remains wide open, as she's grounded, and there's now a boy over.

30 minutes of watching some terrible show on TV, and some 17 year old boy shows up. He and the 15 year old start going at it on the same couch on which we are all now sitting. Mind you, her door is still open, parents still home.

I am getting creeped out at this point and want to leave, but I'm also hungry, so... I offer to go get food, and they all want to come along as the restaurants are only 2 minutes down the road.

Her parents give her permission to go to taco bell, and we do, get food, and return. At this point I wish to leave badly, but not wanting to be rude, I wait for 8pm to roll around. (it is 7pm at this time)

The 15 year old proceeds to get a weird pyramid shaped device out of her closet and fill a bag with air. I had no clue what a vaporizer was, but they started smoking out of the bag... They offered it to me, but I was not about to try any of that... (HER PARENTS WERE STILL HOME AND AWAKE!!!)

I left. I was embarrassed by the whole thing. Such a terrible first date.

well done, Rolf

curse our politeness!

These are so great.

I guess I'm fortunate to say I've never been on a bad date. Granted, you could count the dates I've been on on one hand, but still: a few great dates are better than a few great dates and a REALLY BAD ONE.

HUNCHY FOREVER.

A year ago, I went on a date with a guy I had known for a few weeks and in the middle of lunch, my period decides to come early and completely soaked my pants in blood. I ran to the bathroom in horror and while trying to clean up, I leaned over and cut my back on a randomly sharp part of a metal trash bin that was attached to the bathroom stall.

It looked like a ghastly homicide in the bathroom and I got blood all over the guy's car ):

That's not embarassing... that's gross

So that's what a period is like...

fuckinlol

wait. what happened here

If I was doing a handstand, I'd be a human volcano.

meaning you'll eventually return to the sea?

Naw, the sea is a jerk. ):