I have the strength of over 100 babies
of 36 votes, 19% like it
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The advantage of me exercising every day is that I die healthier
of 34 votes, 21% like it
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Marriage is a very expensive way to get your laundry done
of 30 votes, 23% like it
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No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck
of 29 votes, 10% like it
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Death - The #1 killer
of 31 votes, 23% like it
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Out of my mind, back in five minutes
of 35 votes, 14% like it
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I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering
of 34 votes, 18% like it
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Because I'm worth another drink
of 34 votes, 21% like it
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In space, no one can see you dance.
of 37 votes, 14% like it
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In space, no one can hear you sing.
of 38 votes, 11% like it
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Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
of 33 votes, 27% like it
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Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date
of 33 votes, 15% like it
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Don’t be humble, you’re not that great
of 36 votes, 17% like it
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Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, scratch where it itches
of 35 votes, 11% like it
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Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
of 36 votes, 22% like it
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Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass
of 36 votes, 19% like it
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I am not single, I’m romantically challenged
of 36 votes, 17% like it
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I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out
of 36 votes, 19% like it
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With a rubber duck, you’re never alone
of 35 votes, 14% like it
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War does not determine who is right - only who is left
of 37 votes, 30% like it
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Think much, Speak little, Write less.
of 35 votes, 9% like it
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43% of all statistics are worthless
of 35 votes, 14% like it
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better draw a footprint on your butt, cuz i'm gonna fill it!
of 35 votes, 6% like it
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I'm swimming in a sea of virgins.
of 41 votes, 10% like it
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You must be jealous of my shirt
of 62 votes, 10% like it
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I'm sweating with style
of 62 votes, 10% like it
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I'm user friendly!
of 45 votes, 13% like it
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I'm not anti-social, I'm just not user friendly...
of 45 votes, 20% like it
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1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d !
of 46 votes, 28% like it
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I'm up for whatever
of 59 votes, 12% like it
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Dont be a douche
of 54 votes, 11% like it
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If you can read this, you need a new hobby.
of 56 votes, 14% like it
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Never under estimate the importance of listening.
of 54 votes, 15% like it
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