"By definition, all quotations are taken out of context anyw
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
"I'm not gonna lie.." implies you consistently lie othe
of 0 votes, 0% like it
|
...although a box of chocolates always comes with a map.
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
|
A stroke of genius! ... Illustrates terrible word choice.
of 16 votes, 13% like it
|
Absorbs fire, water, and earth damage. Lightning, not so much.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
Actually, blood does the body good.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Affix postage and send me on my way.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
All my friends are trees. Also, I live in the forest.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
Allow me to explain in Morse code .... . ....
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Are misconceptions like pregnancies gone wild?
of 0 votes, 0% like it
|
Are potholes the part of the road that just gave up?
of 41 votes, 15% like it
|
Ask me what I did last night. It may jog my memory...
of 16 votes, 6% like it
|
|
Baby on board. (printed mid-navel for women, bottom for men)
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
Bandages Get a Bad Wrap
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
Beavers love wood. Gay beavers even more so.
of 8 votes, 38% like it
|
|
Behind every man is a strong woman. Behind her is Chuck Norris.
of 53 votes, 21% like it
|
Best friends make worst enemies
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
Better safe than dead.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Birds fly due to hollow bones. I fly due to human ingenuity. HA.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
blackberry
strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, cherryberry?
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
But Officer, I Swear To Drunk I'm Not God!
of 19 votes, 32% like it
|
|
Can I get your name? Number? ...Date of Birth? Social Security #?
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
Cannibalism is so unfashionable these days..
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
Cause of Death: "Projectile Bottle Cap..." an unexpecte
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Cause of Death: "Projectile Bottle Caps..." an unexpect
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
Champion.
(Not the brand.)
of 21 votes, 14% like it
|
Chutney .. what a fruity word.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Chutney is such a fruity word.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
Chutney: such a fruity word.
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
COD: "Projectile Bottle Cap..." an unexpected twist.
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
|
Cold fusion occurs in my blender daily.
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
Collard greens are like preppy vegetables
of 9 votes, 0% like it
|
Condiments ® - America's no. 1 trusted brand! (Assorted flavo
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Condiments ® - Give 'em a squeeze! (Now in assorted flavors!)
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
Consider: Light bounces off the poop before it enters your eyes.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
Contains 0% juice. So, steroid free..?
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
|
cotton shell
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
cotton shirt: +1 defense
of 32 votes, 22% like it
|
Cupboard sounds prejudiced against plates and other dishware.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
|
Design has inspiration, but execution is still CAPITAL punishment
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
Easter Egg Hunter.
Level 99.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
Either, you have no superpowers, or this tee doesn't work.
of 0 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Emo hair cuts itself.
So does emo grass.
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
Employed....
Annoyed....
VOID.....
VOID VOID VOID.
Amused.
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
Epic Camouflage Fail
of 14 votes, 14% like it
|
|
Ever wonder what the best invention was prior to sliced bread...?
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
Everything looks cooler tie-dyed.
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
Eye candy tastes as bad as it sounds.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Eye candy tastes horrible.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
Fat is relative whereas cholesterol is a 2nd cousin twice removed
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
Forget bats .. I'm afraid of anything that's big and black!
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Given a choice ... is not really a choice, is it?
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
Go Green!
Soylent green that is...
of 19 votes, 11% like it
|
Help! I've fallen and I can't find my wings...
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Heroine...the female kind.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
Hit or miss, I still swing!
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
horny goat weed - ooh my favorite!
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
|
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. That was his first mistake.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
I am not a scene kid, despite what this shirt says.
of 53 votes, 13% like it
|
I believe everyone should have their own theme music.
of 54 votes, 30% like it
|
|
I believe in many things .. dragons and Journey topping the list.
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
I came.
I saw.
I concurred.
of 19 votes, 37% like it
|
I can spot personal bias from a mile away. And I'm always right.
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
I couldn't find x.
So I made this treasure map instead....
of 23 votes, 17% like it
|
I divided by zero and lived to prove it.
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
I feel the need - the need to seed.
of 0 votes, 0% like it
|
|
I fork my strip steaks. I fork 'em real good.
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
I forsake you, harmonica players.
of 54 votes, 19% like it
|
I get my swerve on. When I drive, of course.
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
|
I get stoned like witches in the 1600s
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
I HAVE A RARE FORM OF OCD. (OBSESSIVE CAPITALIZATION DISORDER)
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
I have many talents. Flight is not one of them.
of 28 votes, 14% like it
|
|
i is complex.
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
I just Iggy Pop'd .... all over your house.
of 47 votes, 9% like it
|
I left my heart in San Fransisco - therefore, I may be dead now.
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
I like to play the doctor..
of 19 votes, 21% like it
|
I live inside the box. In the alley.
of 42 votes, 14% like it
|
I play with words because playing with myself is frowned upon.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
|
I relish a good hotdog.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
I relish good hotdogs.
of 15 votes, 20% like it
|
I run with scissors - safety scissors.
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
|
I see you too.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
I sometimes wonder, is 'Puff the Magic Dragon' a euphemism?
of 26 votes, 15% like it
|
I speak Braille fluently.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
|
I speak sign language.
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
I speak to the masses; after all, everything is made of mass.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
I suppose Sneeze-Catcher isn't as marketable as Kleenex
of 12 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I tees.
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
I think about the box.
of 6 votes, 33% like it
|
i to pi: "Be rational!"
pi to i: "Get real."
of 11 votes, 0% like it
|
|
I voted for change - could you spare some?
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
I [hammer and sickle] communism.
of 53 votes, 25% like it
|
I'd put out like a candle in the wind.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
|
I'll have a 'Liberty'- hold the death. Freedom fries on the side.
of 11 votes, 18% like it
|
I'll have an order of liberty, hold the death. Thanks
of 51 votes, 14% like it
|
I'll have the liberty salad w/ a side of death.. & freedom fr
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
|
I'll have the liberty, hold the death. And no croutons, please.
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
I'm a condiment, so gimme a squeeze!
of 8 votes, 0% like it
|
I'm a frog robot .. RIVET!
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
I'm an astronaut because my teacher says I'm a real space cadet!
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
I'm an astronaut because my teacher says I'm a space cadet!
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
I'm impulsively cautious.
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
|
I'm like a magic 8-ball: I give terrible advice and stain carpets
of 24 votes, 33% like it
|
I'm not gonna lie implies you consistently lie otherwise...
of 18 votes, 28% like it
|
I'm over it.
The hurdle I just jumped, I mean.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
|
I'm telling you the truth!
X
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
I've divided by zero and lived to prove it.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
Icicles are Nature's frozen darts. And you're the target.
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
|
If God was one of us, He'd hate your music too.
of 45 votes, 16% like it
|
If hindsight is normally 20/20, what's it like with astigmatism?
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
If I could fly I'd go way too high...
and end up as a popsicle.
of 3 votes, 33% like it
|
|
If I gave you a ring, would you call me back?
of 14 votes, 21% like it
|
If I ruled the world...I'd be an ineffective leader.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
If I were imagining this, you would be naked.
of 8 votes, 0% like it
|
|
If it's called a Daily Double, why are there three of them?
of 8 votes, 38% like it
|
If it's not broke, marry it.
of 8 votes, 38% like it
|
If monkeys are my ancestor, is it wrong to be attracted to them?
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
|
If monkeys are my ancestors, is it wrong to be attracted to them?
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
If perjury is a crime, consider me not guilty.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
If pigs could fly, bird droppings would be much less annoying.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
If the Earth was flat I'd take up surfing.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
If the Earth were flat, I'd take up surfing.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
If water flows downhill, where were Jack and Jill going?
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
|
If wonders never cease, where are the fireworks and explosions?
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
If you can't beat 'em, find some friends and a bigger stick...
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
If you don't like me you might as well be a Communist. Dirty reds
of 52 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Illegal Immigration!? Wonder what the Native Americans called it.
of 4 votes, 50% like it
|
In my next life I hope I come back as twins.Oh,the possibilities!
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
In the next life, I hope I come back as twins.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Insider trading sounds like a good thing on a rainy day...
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Insider trading sounds like a good thing on rainy day...
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
Insults are a disservice.
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Interested doesn't even begin to describe me.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
Interested Party
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
Intoxicate me
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Its hip to be (the inverse of a half power)!
of 1 votes, 100% like it
|
Jinx. Double Jinx.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
Just follow your nose. Or a map.
of 24 votes, 21% like it
|
|
Lather. Rinse. Stand for a while...
Threepeat.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
Lather. Rinse. Stand for a while...
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Let's carelessly gossip about someone that's within earshot...
of 24 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Let's Integrate Our Parts
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
Lets integrate our parts.
of 1 votes, 100% like it
|
Life has its perks. But coffees are better.
of 13 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Like Kanye, I only understand the world through popular slogans.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
Looking for expert hider for nighttime adventures. Will seek.
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
Manners not standard
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Manners sold separately.
of 21 votes, 29% like it
|
master hampster dancer
of 16 votes, 0% like it
|
Math deals in absolutes, except for when it doesn't.
of 10 votes, 30% like it
|
|
Math makes everyone count!
of 14 votes, 29% like it
|
Math, by similiar logic, also leads to the dark side.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
Mathematicians get even about half of the time.
of 14 votes, 29% like it
|
|
Meet me at the caf´ - my tweet.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
Mind Pollution: Try Not Think About It
of 17 votes, 24% like it
|
Misconception: a pregnancy gone awry.
of 18 votes, 11% like it
|
|
Money...Cash... Money cache - for CEOs...
of 14 votes, 7% like it
|
Monocles Make Being Single lOok Sexy
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
Monocles Make Being Single Sexy
of 19 votes, 32% like it
|
|
mOnocles make wOrds cOol tOo!
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
My face is permanently stuck this way.
of 4 votes, 0% like it
|
My inner voice speaks Latin. I don't.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
My integral can find the area between your curves...
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
My integral can find the area between your thighs...
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
My queen just pwned your king.
of 52 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Never send a horse to do complicated medical procedures.
of 29 votes, 14% like it
|
Never send a porcupine to do complicated medical procedures.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
Not Gonna Lie implies that you consistently lie otherwise...
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Nothing says 'sophisticated' like a pink flamingos.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
Nothing says 'sophisticated' like pink flamingos.
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
Now all I need is a pARRot
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
Obscure videogame references are Awesome and Way Cool...
of 24 votes, 17% like it
|
Oh Mandelbrot, you're so fractalicious.
of 15 votes, 7% like it
|
Old videogame references are Awesome and Way Cool. Groovy, too.
of 23 votes, 22% like it
|
|
OldManHubbard had no food in the cupboard, so he made Scientology
of 54 votes, 19% like it
|
On your mark...
Get set...
Hold it....
Hooooold it....
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
Once I reach the heart of the matter ... I go for the kill.
of 19 votes, 5% like it
|
|
Pardon me, I'm oblivious today.
of 22 votes, 23% like it
|
Perspective.
Get some.
of 28 votes, 14% like it
|
Please hurry, I park illegally.
of 8 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Pogs and pogroms are nothing alike, but both are deadly fun!
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
Positively negative.
of 16 votes, 25% like it
|
rdaonm
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Recycling: Junk Science?
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
Research(er) in Motion
of 13 votes, 0% like it
|
Resistant to fire, water, and earth. No effect against lightning.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Ripped. My shirt that is.
of 8 votes, 0% like it
|
Sally can keep her seashells by the seashore. I don't buy crap.
of 49 votes, 12% like it
|
Sanitation Engineer sounds more sophisticated than garbage man
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
|
Sassy isn't classy.
of 7 votes, 29% like it
|
Secret secrets ... superfluous.
of 6 votes, 33% like it
|
Seeking: Expert hiders. Seen any?
of 19 votes, 26% like it
|
|
Since time and space are connected, I'm walking on the future.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
Slogan shogun, wordplay warrior
of 16 votes, 31% like it
|
Slogans are a dime a dozen; this one apparently cost a lot more.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
|
Slogans are a dime a dozen; this one, apparently, cost much more.
of 10 votes, 10% like it
|
So history has a stutter?
of 8 votes, 0% like it
|
Socrates is my homeboy but Plato is my putty.
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
|
Something you can do I can do better.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
Sometimes I feel like I'm nuts... sometimes I don't!
of 15 votes, 13% like it
|
Sometimes I mix chocolate and vanilla.
of 18 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Sometimes I wonder if anyone understands double meanings anymore.
of 13 votes, 38% like it
|
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I accelerated to 88 mph
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
Spandex is best used sparingly.
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
|
Squares probably see themselves as rectangle royalty
of 9 votes, 22% like it
|
Stalagmite, Stalactite,
First spike I see tonight...
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
Stalagmite, Stalactite, two spikes I've seen tonight...
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
|
Stop pollution, ere we err with the air of our heirs.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
Take good notes - withstanding the test of time sounds grueling.
of 20 votes, 10% like it
|
Tanks.
of 9 votes, 33% like it
|
|
Televangelists make great profits.
of 12 votes, 17% like it
|
Televangelists make great prophets.
of 7 votes, 14% like it
|
Televangelists make the best prophets.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
|
Testicular Fortitude: Ballsy.
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
The barrier between the zombies and us - about 6 feet. Down.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
The best movies are the ones I make.
of 9 votes, 33% like it
|
|
The following is true: the previous is false.
of 10 votes, 30% like it
|
The hardest part of a vegetable to eat? ...the wheelchair.
of 21 votes, 19% like it
|
The likelihood of aces up my sleeves has been greatly diminished.
of 21 votes, 10% like it
|
|
The likelihood of an ace up my sleeve has been greatly diminished
of 14 votes, 36% like it
|
The pen is mightier than the sword only if you have hands.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
The squirrels and I have an understanding
of 52 votes, 23% like it
|
|
The squirrels and I have an understanding.
of 9 votes, 33% like it
|
The war on drugs is like prohibition. Ineffective.
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
They say diversity will bring us together.
Wait, diversity?
of 13 votes, 15% like it
|
|
This is my laundry day shirt. Ignore the pit stains.
of 2 votes, 50% like it
|
THIS IS MY WHISPERING VOICE.
of 13 votes, 23% like it
|
THIS IS WHAT MY INNER DIALOGUE SOUNDS LIKE. ALSO, I'M WHISPERING.
of 3 votes, 0% like it
|
|
This isn't about cheating.. this is about winning!
of 22 votes, 18% like it
|
This shirt looks real, I know. It's painted on.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
Thread-count approaches 0 as originality approaches infinity.
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Thread-count approaches 0 as originality approaches infinity.
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
Three strikes means you're out ... or a dyslexic racist.
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
Tie-dye expresses my emotions. There's a lot of black though...
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Time flies yet never lands. How does it pee?
of 16 votes, 19% like it
|
Too loud? Too old
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
Trouble in paradise. Craps.
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Two girls, one cup. One girl, my sister.
of 10 votes, 20% like it
|
Unfortunately, math is also proven to lead to the dark side.
of 17 votes, 18% like it
|
Unlike you, I came into this world fully clothed.
of 25 votes, 16% like it
|
|
Videogames keep me off the streets stealing cars, ironically.
of 20 votes, 20% like it
|
Wait.. Where am I? And why am I wearing this shirt?
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
Waking up at the crack of dawn isn't the same as waking up in it.
of 8 votes, 0% like it
|
|
Water flows downhill. Jack and Jill were liars.
of 20 votes, 15% like it
|
What did one line say to the other? Nothing. Lines can't talk.
of 11 votes, 27% like it
|
What do this tee and a lamp have in common? .. I asked you first.
of 11 votes, 9% like it
|
|
What does "Not gonna lie" imply about every other time
of 3 votes, 67% like it
|
What happens at infinitely, stays at infinity.
of 0 votes, 0% like it
|
What happens at infinity, stays at infinity.
of 6 votes, 0% like it
|
|
What I CAN tell you .. is going to cost 99 cents per minute.
of 28 votes, 18% like it
|
Whatchu doin' over there?
of 6 votes, 17% like it
|
When I fly, sometimes I take people with me. Unexpectedly.
of 13 votes, 31% like it
|
|
When I say water, you say fire! ... WATER! ...
of 12 votes, 25% like it
|
When life gives you oranges, rhyme.
of 17 votes, 12% like it
|
When the going gets tough, the tough but on boots.
of 1 votes, 0% like it
|
|
When the going gets tough, the tough put on boots.
of 2 votes, 0% like it
|
Whenever I have a dilemma I wonder, What would Michael Phelps do?
of 5 votes, 0% like it
|
Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf!? Well, me for one.
of 52 votes, 13% like it
|
|
Who's afraid of the dark? Me.
of 17 votes, 6% like it
|
Who's this Captain Obvious guy, anyway?
of 8 votes, 25% like it
|
WoW. Just wow.
of 1 votes, 100% like it
|
|
Yes. You.
of 5 votes, 20% like it
|
You + Me = $Mouey
of 4 votes, 25% like it
|
You can't buy love, but you can sell hearts on the black market!
of 9 votes, 11% like it
|
|
You owe it to yourself to give me $5.
of 12 votes, 8% like it
|
you won't believe it: atheism!
of 19 votes, 16% like it
|
