I am a weenie.
I could (and sometimes do) submit slogans every day, but most of them would be awful. I see one bomb and I compulsively have to delete it. So I'm going to try and skew an extra little piece of effort from quantity to quality for this, my weenified attempt to join martian's challenge: 52 new, permanent slogans by the end of the year, all with scores I consider high enough to fight off erasure. The ones that at least make it through the first 25 votes will end up in this blog. Some weeks may have more hopefuls than others, and some slogans may have an unfortunately delayed demise and get crossed off the blog list. Can I do it? Probably not; I'm pretty lazy and get discouraged easily. Do you care? Probably not; you're most likely being distracted by the latest fine episode of Chuck. Still, let's get started. Help out with the voting wherever you feel morally obligated to do so! Week 45 By day, I'm a mild-mannered reporter. By night, I'm asleep. The big bad wolf was framed. It's all little pig propaganda. Probably daydreaming. Do not disturb. I grew up only because there was no other alternative. Week 44 I deserve a chance. Or, at the very least, a community chest. Revenge is a dish best thrown violently across the room. Week 43 I offer you the gift of indecisiveness. Take it or leave it. I hate generalizations. Every single one. Two out of every three little pigs live in unsafe homes. Week 42 When the going gets tough, complaining makes me feel better. Behind every successful person is me. Watching. Waiting. All you need is love. And water. And food. And oxygen. Shirt advertising space for rent. Now accepting applications. Week 41 This human specimen is made from 100% recycled genetic materials. Sticks and stones don't hurt as much as a heavy encyclopedia. Philosophers search for meaning, while I just use a dictionary. All people are not created equal. That's why we have shirt sizes. There's a time for talk and a time for professional wrestling. Week 40 A funhouse on fire is all smoke and mirrors. This air guitar I'm holding once belonged to one of the Beatles. I liked water before it went mainstream. Week 39 Treehuggers discriminate against cacti. Week 38 My last fortune cookie predicted I would eat it. We are what we eat, so I ate a happy person this morning. My best ideas happen underneath light bulbs. Week 37 Why walk when you can run in slow motion? Hitting rock bottom is the most sedimentary form of spanking. At last, this holographic projection of myself has been perfected. Try not to blink. My moments of excellence are short and rare. Bermuda: the only place basic geometry can kill you. When the moon hits your eye like a big anything, that's death. Week 36 Grapes don't strike me as a notoriously wrathful fruit. am·ne·sia [am-nee-zhuh] -noun: 1. (entry blank) Stay off my shadow. I just had it cleaned. Believe in yourself. And while you're at it, believe in vampires. Life without a thesaurus is redundant, redundant and redundant. Just pretend I'm not here. Eavesdropping works best that way. Clowns: because the world isn't scary enough on its own. Weeks MIA (See Week 6. A lot.) Week 35 I feel like I'm being watched. And read. Daer cereal, plaese birng bcak deocder rigns. Giving a time machine to a ghost will come back to haunt you. Don't worry, I don't understand me, either. Blink if you love symmetry. Week 34 Always remember the 3 Rs: reading, riting, and r-tistic license. Slow and steady wins the Worst Race Strategy Ever award. My grammatical anxiety is way past tense. Repetition is as easy as 1, 1, 1. We all have faults, but mine keep causing earthquakes. Week 33 Today is a race. The first person to get to tomorrow wins. Walking is considered a dance move on the moon. Math creates all kinds of problems. My imagination is limitless, like a super cool limitless thing. Echoes always get the last laugh. Week 32 I can't even kill one bird with a stone. If we all scream at once, ice cream should appear. Anatomically speaking, we're all self-centered. Week 31 My pet peeves died after I forgot to feed them. Look on the bright side, but don't underestimate the dark side. If you'd like to see my profile, walk around to my side. When an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, film it. Talk to me and you can have a cameo in my autobiography. Paranoia has no known cure. Be very afraid. I have Attention Surplus Disorder, and you have 487 eyelashes. If I'd been in charge, Rome would've been built in a day. Week 30 I can stop a bullet, I just can't stop the subsequent bleeding. Some people are spoiled. Don't eat those. Nihilism hasn't taught me a thing. Losing your mind is the easiest way to drop a few pounds. Always wear a helmet when throwing caution to the wind. Stay alert, there's a ninja in my shadow. The only reason I'm here is because I'm lost. I brake for negative acceleration. I fight wars with my thumbs. Week 29 Violence has to be the answer to at least one thing around here. Confusion says: what? I'm not a bad egg, but I may be a little scrambled. I'm always on top of the world. If I were in it, I'd be dead. When the tables start to turn, I check for poltergeists. Week 28 Everybody was not kung fu fighting. Isaac Newton knew how to use the force. There's no such thing as a stupid question? We're not supposed to interact. I'm a part of your background. Expecting the unexpected gave me a headache I did not expect. Zeus stole my thunder. Anything's possible, especially during a hallucination. I am geek, hear me play roar.mp3 Talk is cheap, but shouting is more entertaining. I got lost on my way back to square one. Week 27 (On vacation. See Week 6.) Week 26 Ask me about my crippling shyness. Flying is as easy as not falling. I took the road less travelled by, and that's when I got mugged. Week 25 Tired of organizations? Join the club. I live vicariously through my imaginary friends. (eject button) (self-destruct button) Don't push my buttons. Crime was right up my alley until I moved to a nicer neighborhood To make a long story short, stop talking. A radioactive spider bit me but all I got was super itchy. According to the most recent lion polls, you are delicious. You are what you eat, and I just ate a book of cliches. X marks the 24th spot in the alphabet. I've got half a mind to rule the world. The other half wants pie. Week 24 Daydreaming, it frees up my nights. All the world's a stage, but I got stuck doing costume design. 4 of my 5 fingers agree. The thumb remains opposed. Puns make the world groan loud. If I spontaneously implode, tell everyone it was extremely cool. According to the dictionary, enough really is enough. You take the high road and I'll take the secret subway system. Ambition: talking about the things you're too lazy to do. I seized the day and now it's pressing charges. Week 23 The kid in me wants candy, but the werewolf in me wants the kid. I've killed time before and I'll do it again. A penny for my thoughts, ideas, and emotions. Everything must go. I started the bandwagon bandwagon. Watch out for ceiling fans when you reach for the stars. Week 22 I'm from five minutes into the future. Not much happens. The itsy bitsy spider eventually fatigued and drowned. I look forward to the future, because that's where it is. Sleeping in is my way of living the dream. Simon told me to tell you to hop on one foot. Sleeves are for the weak. Honesty is the least profitable policy. Inflation stopped being fun when it no longer applied to balloons If you're thinking what I'm thinking, neither of us is thinking. Hard work can only get you so far. A jetpack can get you farther. This town ain't big enough for two colliding, unstoppable forces. I have fantastic ideas until I say them out loud. Week 21 Reincarnation made me a better person. Then it made me a duck. Homonyms all sound the same to me. The people I know are stranger than strangers. The first step is admitting that my problem is your fault. If you can read this, then you can probably read this, too. There's an excuse for my behavior, but it was stolen by pirates. Copyright laws require that I rock you like a typhoon or cyclone. Bring me a dictionary. Then we'll see what's what. Wizards know the best curse words. Warning: you're being warned. Week 20 Every breath you take has a little bit of mine in it. Creepy. I'm not childish, YOU are. I don't run from problems. Driving is faster and easier. Join the pacifist revolution or die. Eventually. Of old age. Black holes suck at everything. Hard work and determination go against everything I sit for. I'm usually happy, but sometimes I'm one of the other six dwarfs. Pangaea brings everyone together. Ignorance is bliss, so you probably didn't want to know that. Thank you, Waldo, wherever you are. Living on the edge is what led to Humpty's downfall. Nice to meet you, unless we know each other. Then welcome back. Week 19 Danger will be my middle name once I complete the necessary forms. Infinity isn't so great. I've seen larger abstract concepts. Checkmate, gin, bingo, yahtzee, shotgun, and infinity + 1. I win. A rose by any other name is having an identity crisis. I see a reverse psychologist to keep my happiness in check. As an optimist, I believe pessimism has a lot of potential. My imagination tends to run away with itself and come back drunk. We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And lions. And ebola. Week 18 Life is short, but commercial breaks make it seem longer. (ink) I might be a vampire. (uv ink) Okay, I'm not a vampire. Knowing is half the battle. Remembering is the other half. Reality has outdated graphics. You don't look realistic at all. If the sky's the limit, the moon landing was faked. Violence is always the answer when you're holding a dodgeball. Condescension is an unfortunate side-effect of my superiority. There's a lot of subjectivity in my honest opinion. Kleptomania turns ordinary items into wicked swag. Week 17 I take absurdism very seriously. If I had a nickel for...whatever, just give me some nickels. I jump to denouements and just walk to conclusions from there. The dictionary gets 'exciting' in Chapter 5. Those who forget the past are doomed to lose at Trivial Pursuit. I get through each day with kinetic energy. a loop without beginning or end is (belt print) I dressed myself today. (printed inside tee, worn inside-out) Week 16 I'm pretty sure one of us is upside-down. (written upside-down) I'm trying to be inconspicuous, and you're not helping. You may be experiencing deja vu. (printed on front AND back) Urban myths should get out of the city more often. Every noun wants a piece of the action. I don't let cats out of bags. It's hard enough getting them in. Some people hit the ground running. I hit it falling. Ham radio does not make information delicious. Week 15 I'm too disorganized for crime. Read this. Now this. Don't read this part. Read this, though. I break laws. Perpetual motion, anti-gravity, that kind of thing. Whatever doesn't kill you probably hurts a whole lot. Week 14 Wow, this is a really vivid dream. Velcro will save us when gravity fails. Beware of cryptic warnings. Week 13 You say tomato, I play the word association game. Been here, done this. Measure the universe before you claim I'm not its center. Suspenseful pauses attract tumbleweed. What goes up must come down, which is why I'm afraid of the moon. The best things in life are probably stolen. Week 12 Patience is a virtue I can't wait to get. Week 11 This is what an ovation would be like without all the clapping. All hail caffeine, keeper of mornings, maker of all-nighters. Week 10 I can fly!...in a straight line, downward. Education taught me how to sleep in a chair. Stand back. I'm about to step forward. Light changes [uv ink] our perception [/uv] of reality. Week 9 This human host is a slave to my cottony softness. Week 8 Memory is a funny thing. I'm not quite sure why. Warning: reading may become more difficult asspacesdisappear. An accidental alliterated arrangement can appear almost anywhere. ***52 SLOGANS END HERE! WOOHOO!*** Opportunity knocked down my door and stole my TV. Arbitrary systems of evaluation have reached an all-time middle. Don't die: words to live by. Don't be silly. Be absolutely ridiculous. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I can throw them, too. I begin each day with a set of opening credits. I'd give up a dozen unicorns for a better grasp on reality. Week 7 No more talk. It's time to finish this...with sign language. You chose the worst possible direction to sneak up on me. I excel at mediocrity. [pi symbol]: irrational, infinite, and surrounded by flaky crust. The gravity of our current situation is 9.8 m/s² Try to act as if you aren't secretly being filmed. I'm at peace with my inner child; my outer adult is the problem. Am I here yet? I'm a distraction! Week 6  Week 5 A few seconds of your time has just been intentionally wasted. Now you have to consciously think about breathing. I conform in order to distinguish myself from nonconformists. Walking with scissors is a gateway habit. Let's get metaphysical. A joke without a punchline is like Reality needs more sword fights, super powers, and unicorns. Week 4 Winning isn't everything. There are also fantastic prizes. It's time to stop comparing modern technology to sliced bread. Invention is the illegitimate child of necessity and alcohol. Primary colors are full of themselves. I came, I saw, I slept, I got asked to leave, I argued, I stayed. (front) Everything (back) revolves (front) around (back) me. I fought off several random encounters just to get here. Ask me about initiating conversation with strangers. Dyslexia is hard enough to spell as it is. Week 3 Schrödinger both was and wasn't a cat person. Synonyms are often redundant, superfluous, avoidable, and wanton. If mathematicians can't give 110%, neither can I. Alarm clocks ruin my best adventures. I may be socially awkward, but you're mumble mumble. Democracy won't work properly until everyone agrees with me. Week 2 An excess of positive thinking may attract electron clouds. A T-rex ate both my homework and my list of believable excuses. Simon wants you to stop doing everything he says. Rhyming doesn't work all the timing. When life gives you limes, you're in a parallel universe. Sarcasm? Never heard of it. The last time somebody tried to divide by zero, we lost Atlantis. I once caught a fish that was tiny and required exaggeration. Week 1 Without the sun, ice cream sales would plummet. Also, we'd die. Teach the whales to save themselves. Skepticism rang my doorbell long before opportunity knocked. I'm afraid of heights, as well as lengths, widths, and volume. Most people have fantasies. I have science fictions. The main difference between you and me is the spelling. Support the other 365 Slogan Challenge peeps davidfromdallas Maltzmania Krokun Ivejustquitsmoking FRICKINAWESOME TimScribble lunchboxbrain jess4002 Bio_bot_9000 courtney_pie paniccia ofthecoast Krimson nathanwpyle toopersent Exner83
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I haven't submitted any photos. I guess I don't want free money.
    Thanks, Jess, for this awesome fake type tee. Addy: lawrencep99 at gmail MSN: same thing at hotmail I live in Vancouver. I have an affinity for ducks and thunderstorms. I am the world's largest biological repository of TV and movie references. I am probably lazier than you. If you give me STPs and want me to know, tell me in one of my blogs or some place I'll see it. I'm tired of making blogs trying to find out who was nice enough to throw the latest set my way, especially since most of them fail. For those of you who have never told (or will never tell) me, I do still thank you. You all get a coupon for one free oversized anonymous hug. Received STPs freely from (woo!): -lemonalle -outline -SheriB626 -AWorldApart (x2!) -whisper in water -Nodus -nintechno -a whole bunch of mystery people who are as awesome as they are annoyingly anonymous I'll pay you back one day, bolded people (unless there are no bolded people left in that list, and then I went ahead and transcended time). In the meantime, just wait patiently and be all boldy n' shit. Temporary update: I have currently paid everyone back! Woo! To get STPs: -be really awesome or -be a generous benefactor and use this link, and I will inevitably force myself to reciprocate through the Kindess Act of 1869 |
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Nov 26 '08 by
