A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in.

In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room."

In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again.

Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room."

Satan turns to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says.

He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. "But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.

"What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.

"He says you’re gonna die."

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?'

Why are oceans always grumpy?
Because they have crabs on their bottom!

why did hitler commit suicide???

....

wait no i cant finish that or i may be blogged to death!!!

but it is the funniest joke ever!

its hilarious when you tell me it on msn! how are you!

A guy has three little daughters:

The first one asks him, "Daddy, why was I named Rose?"
He says, "because when you where born, roses fell from the sky and adorned your precious head."

The second daughter asks him, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?"
He says, "because when you where born, daisies fell from the sky and adorned your precious head."

The third daughter comes in. Cinderblock says "nehnehmehbleh... Daaa?"

I know, I'm terrible. I have some good dead baby jokes, too... but those are so much worse.

same here with the dead baby joke, but my favortie two of all time:

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

because she was a WOMAN!
and: how do you make a tissue dance?

put a little boogie into it!

ewww... crabs on the bottom...

moose- ick to the 1st, yay to the second!

women's rights

jokes that are politically incorrect make me giggle

^^Women's rights^^

that's another one of my favorites

So two muffins are sitting in an oven, one muffin says to the other muffin "man, it's really hot in here" And then the other muffin says

"HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!"

Ahhh ... ha

I never did get that joke.
Mabey I'm thinking to far into it.
It's just not funny!

hey kell, did la-lene tell you this one:

"So two babies are sitting in an oven..."

i almost peed my pants at lunch

Yea she told me that one, she said it again in the car today, remember?

I

Nice...cheers.
I think some of those might get me a bit fired. Student politicians tend to jump on the politically incorrect. But then, I am leaving anyway..

oh yea, i was screaming so loud, i didn't know if anyone was listening. i figured you all stopped after my third request for a "gangsta" song

Q:
"what do you get when you throw a dead baby against the wall?"

A:
"An erection"

it's not so much that I'm politically correct.
you peeps are naughty naughty naughty.

speaking of naughty:
The doctor is about to give a man his new born baby to hold, but before he does, the doctor says, "You might not believe me when I tell you this, but you're baby can fly!"

The man says, "What?!"
And the doctor goes, "no, really really, you're baby can fly. Let me show you!"

The doctor lifts the baby up and lets it go. The baby smacks to the ground.
The man screams, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY! WHAT IS HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

The doctor looks at the baby and says, "no, really, it can fly. Let me show you again." And the doctor whisks the baby up and throws it at the wall. The baby smacks it and slides down slowly.

The man screams, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CHILD! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

The doctor picks up the baby and says,"Let's try it one more time," and throws it out the window.

The man is about to attack the doctor, but the doctor says, "No wait. It's all good. It was a stillborn."

Lol I was listening I just couldn't fucking hear you guys

I LOVE THAT ONE!!! thate the one i was going to say earlier but decided not to!

oh ok...man i was on something or something....

uhh, you know what i mean

Yeaa It's ok.

just share the crack next time, k?

:P

ha, alright. you syked about tomorrow?

YEA!no.

i haven't laughed in 108 years

*not a joke*

I feel sorry for you.

For realsies.

do you need another song?

i think you do!!

moose i am going to go hunt you down and murder you

that was a no*

com'mon! my song was NOT that bad!

I ate moose for supper

oh nose!

hehe, thats why my asian friend says (not you kel)

your suppose to capitalize that NOT not, moose

but when i say it in my head, the accent falls on the "not", and not "that" like it usually would. but for the most part, you are correct.

and it's "you're" not "you" and "supposeD" in order to be correct

i know that I'm correct

but lets NOT get into that

I*

I*?

wtf

you said "i know that I'm correct"

if you capitalize one I, then it is correct to capitalize the rest of them therefore "I*"

but what the fuck, why are we talking about this? do you really hate me that much?

stop correcting my GrAmmaR!