Having been off work for a few days after twisting my neck (trip to the hospital, six painkilling injections and a fuckload of drugs) I just got back from a weekend visiting the 'in-laws'. In the 13 months my girlfriend and I have been together I've met her family (other than one of her sisters) only once, and only briefly.

She's asked me to go home with her a few times but I've usually declined - I get pretty nervous meeting groups of strangers anyway, and so wanted to wait until I was completely ready. But then I realised that wasn't really fair, so the plan was we'd go on Saturday evening, and have lunch at her sister's on Sunday.

My nervous disposition is a strange beast - I'm very sociable usually but some things really make me anxious - groups of strangers as aforementioned, but also dinner parties - I feel uncomfortable eating at a table with more than 4 or so people. My temperature rises, I get the sweats, visibly, and am then conscious that I'm nervous, and so get more nervous. So meeting and sitting down to lunch with a family consisting of my girlfriend, two sisters, one brother, her mother, her grandmother, her sister-in-law, her brother-in-law, and two nephews was not a prospect I relished, especially since my German is terrible and their English is, for the most part, not great. Having a huge window relentlessly throwing heat and sun on my back didn't help.

It may not sound like such a struggle to most, but for me it took some courage. I relaxed my way into it with minimal sweats. And then her sister wapped out a tit and began breastfeeding her son whilst talking to me. I know this is perfectly natural, and in other circumstances wouldn't have been worth a mention, but it gave me a blush, which was then added to by my girlfriend joking, "Stuart! Don't look!" Thanks for that.

Saturday evening came and we had the house to ourselves. I was in the study casually looking at various photos framed and mounted on the wall. One piece in particular caught my attention - a series of photos of the siblings posing with their partners, except for Vicky, who was on her own. I was about to make some wise arse comment about her being the odd one out and took a step forward for a closer look. Except there wasn't floor where I walked, but a short flight of treacherous stealth stairs. My foot didn't hit ground when and where expected, but a few feet below. I landed clumsily on my twisted foot and knee, flailing at air, beating the glass frame from the wall, which smashed on the floor next to me, jabbing its lethal corner into my cheek, literally millimetres away from my eye.

I spent the remainder of the evening with ice packs tied to various parts of my body, shivering with shock and embarrassment, and gently sobbing inside.

Here's my foot as it looks today:



I am the most injury prone person I know. In the last 3 months I've suffered a trapped nerve in my neck, a locked vertebrae in my spine, a broken toe, an infected finger from an embedded splinter, a twisted neck and shoulders and now a bruised and swollen knee, and a purple foot.

Check it out

for me to move to America, particularly around California, and find a job in a bar there?

Just askin'.

Right?

Recommend them please.

And it feels good

I've received about 10 sets recently and don't know who any are from. Own up and there might be a nice return of favour in it for you.

My girlfriend is amazing. Today she brought me this amazing advent calendar she'd made. Each of those dangling ribbons is numbered and has a gift tied to the end! Those black things are socks - it wouldn't be Christmas without socks right? But... there's another present inside each sock!

There's no ribbon for the 25th - on this day I get to unwrap a BIG present she also brought. So I don't have to wait until Christmas for present opening fun - I get one to open every day until then!

So far:

1 = A red wooden cylindrical block, about 2" in height and 3/4" in diameter. I'm told its mystery will be revealed as I open more presents.

2 = Cadbury's Dairy Milk. My favourite chocolate, brought over from her recent trip to London.

Weird stuff

I love food. I wish I'd been a chef. I consider myself relatively open-minded when it comes to food - I'll try most things and it is my ambition to taste every kind of meat - even the forbidden meat.

I don't like eating meat that still has eyes, and I won't eat shrimps and prawns that are still whole - partly because they look like insects (I'd never eat insects), and partly because I hate food that is a chore to prepare - all that deshelling, and head-ripping - that's the chef's job! I don't even like eating meat off the bone purely because I'd rather just shovel the stuff into my mouth rather than have the extra effort of separating meat from bone.

Most of the stuff on that page I'd eat. Live shrimp - not in a million years. Live anything for that matter.

I know I ordered 4 or 5, but I can't remember which ones. Which is nice because it means it'll be like receiving a surprise gift. From myself.