Mark Twain smells of moustache.
of 58 votes, 10% like it
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I could go for a grilled cheese right now.
of 56 votes, 20% like it
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Now that we have a German Pope, do we say "Heil Mary"?
of 56 votes, 21% like it
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Political parties suck. They don't even have DJs.
of 52 votes, 33% like it
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I thought The Exorcist was funny.
of 51 votes, 20% like it
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Fuck beauty contests.
of 50 votes, 18% like it
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I can totally play that in Guitar Hero.
of 50 votes, 28% like it
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Webmaster, Dungeon Master... same thing.
of 51 votes, 12% like it
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Your own private Idaho is my own personal Hell.
of 51 votes, 12% like it
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If crack kills, then plumbers are mass murderers.
of 51 votes, 14% like it
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If going postal is bad, then what is going DMV like?
of 50 votes, 14% like it
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I was a nerd before it was condsidered cool.
of 50 votes, 24% like it
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What happened to Michael Jackson's old noses?
of 51 votes, 20% like it
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The internet: giving idiots a soapbox since 1991
of 50 votes, 16% like it
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I liked Eminem better when it was just candy.
of 50 votes, 18% like it
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Remind me again, why is Paris Hilton famous?
of 51 votes, 20% like it
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Money can't buy happiness... unless you're buying puppies.
of 50 votes, 32% like it
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Thank you, Captain Obvious!
of 52 votes, 13% like it
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Support free spelling lessons for rap stars.
of 52 votes, 33% like it
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Donate vowels to Czechoslovakia.
of 52 votes, 42% like it
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The Clinton Library has an awesome Playboy section!
of 51 votes, 20% like it
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You make me "bye"-curious.
of 52 votes, 8% like it
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God bless the snooze button.
of 51 votes, 20% like it
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Cancel my subscription to your issues.
of 51 votes, 39% like it
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You're creepier than a sex dream about Winston Churchill.
of 52 votes, 19% like it
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Where did all the pogs go?
of 51 votes, 14% like it
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You don't need to see our identification.
of 52 votes, 10% like it
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Vote Palpatine for Senate!
of 52 votes, 10% like it
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Will this affect my grade?
of 53 votes, 19% like it
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Congratulations! You are pre-approved for our Platinum Debt Card!
of 56 votes, 9% like it
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the future : where we will spend the rest of our lives
of 57 votes, 25% like it
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You kind of remind me of the babe.
of 58 votes, 7% like it
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Why don't I get you a spoon so you can eat my ass?
of 58 votes, 14% like it
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I scream, you scream, we all scream for no apparent reason.
of 59 votes, 34% like it
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Why did the Freudian cross my mother... I mean road?
of 59 votes, 15% like it
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It's tough to be cursed with the heart of a champion.
of 58 votes, 12% like it
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Objects + beer are less attractive than they appear.
of 63 votes, 10% like it
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(statements are more clever in parentheses)
of 64 votes, 20% like it
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Vacuuming sucks.
of 64 votes, 20% like it
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O Tannenbaum, o tannenbaum! (that's Christmas tree in German)
of 60 votes, 8% like it
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9 out of 10 housewives agree that housewife #10 sucks!
of 63 votes, 17% like it
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I'd give my right hand to be ambidextrous!
of 62 votes, 19% like it
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Assemble the giant robot!
of 60 votes, 8% like it
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