edit: reclassified this entry so the backstory will be easier to find :D


(there's a few other details not listed in this blog post, in the submission comments)

translation of the Japanese text:
I cannot use chopsticks.
Because of this, MY FACE BURNS WITH SHAME!!!*
...Can I please have a fork.


To my Japanese speaking friends, I do realize that the text is not exactly the most common/natural sounding, but I did it on purpose, as I wanted to make the reverse of Engrish... Japarese! (haha sorry, the name is sort of an inside joke with my cousin who, incidentally, DOES speak fluent Japanese and was the one who helped me get the phrasing right :D she said it sounds ridiculously polite and very unnatural ^_^)

It really seems that I'm in the minority here, being unable to use chopsticks, but sometimes I think maybe that's just because I live in Hawaii, a state that is 75% Asian people. haha but then I talk to other people on the mainland who have no problem using them, and think perhaps I'm right about being in the minority. Regardless, my friend Jay really enjoyed it, as he can totally relate :D hahah


Anyhoo, without further ado, here is a TRUE STORY OF STUPIDITY!!! :D

(to explain, this is an excerpt from one of those "100 random facts about me" lists. well, sorta. Anyway, that's what this is originally from.)

8. Keeping in mind that I'm asian, and love asian food: I can't use chopsticks (or hashi, as my Japarese brethren would say). At this point, I've just come to embrace my incompetency.


sigh. I've TRIED, and I've TRIED, and I've TRIED, but like I said, at this point, I've just come to embrace my incompetency. haha It's sad that whenever I go to Japanese restaurants with Billy (who is white), I'll be like "Could I have a fork please? ^_^" and when they come back, they'll THINK it's for whitey, when really, it's for Jappy. hahalkshdf;asd sigh. The worst time, was just recently, when I was TRYING to advance myself, and so I DIDN'T ask for a fork, and I ATTEMPTED to use the chopsticks. I thought I was doing pretty okay, as I was SORTA picking up SOME food little by little! :D.... but apparently, that was just in my dreamworld, because shortly after starting my meal, the sushi chef looked over at me, then held up these neon pieces of plastic; at first I wasn't sure what they were, but he made the motion of chopstick usage, and I then realized they were little thingies you place the chopsticks in, and they become like tweezers! (I call it my "hashi-helper"! ^_^, pictured at right) So I was like "oh okay!! Sure!! Thanks!.... *oh my god, apparently I looked THAT pitiful that he wanted to put me out of my misery, good fucking lord how lame can I get???*"

THEN! THENNN!!! If THAT wasn't enough, I trudged on with my new tweezer-like utensil, and about 20 minutes later, the waitress comes over with a FORK, and she's like "HERE. Just use this already!! Practice with [the chopsticks] and come back again later." At this point I'm like "kja;sdlkfja;lsdkhf;alsdhf;lakshdf" as I've now been acknowledged as "chopstick incapable" not once, but TWICE, and the second time being WITH the stupid gimpy helper thingy!!!!!!!! That's like using a fucking sippy cup and being handed a god damn BOTTLE. "Hi. We've noticed a good amount of beverage is still not making it to your mouth, despite the conveniently designed spout. Perhaps this nipple is more up your alley." Good freaking lord.

...also, I'm not really fond of chopsticks because I'm DEATHLY afraid of splinters x__x so I prefer the bamboo type, at least those do not splinter as much, or, if they do, they're big chunks that you could kill a man with.
(and yes, I am aware of the "rubbing method" which gets rid of most of the splinters... but I STILL FEAR, paranoid/neurotic jackass that I am.)


...So yes, now you know a little more of my stupidity, and I'm sure your lives are quite enriched from it :D