I do.

Your icon cracks me up.. I don't know why but it does.

And no, I dont have a friend like that.

my friends have told me i was that guy.

being that friend sucks hardcore

i never thought i was that guy
but friends have said
'dude, i ask you questions bc you shoot straight' or something to that effect.
so, i guess it doesn't really suck hardcore for me?
i mean, i'm not being mean, just honest.

chelly,
I totally agree ( but it's still worth it )

shirtflirt,
Sounds like you have some mature friends. It sucks hardcore
when your friend's immaturity moves them to instantly reject
you instead of evaluating what was said that "wounded" them.

The Chad,
I hope you find one. They can save you so much grief.
I remember dating this one girl that all my friends
thought was more of an anchor than a blessing.
NONE of them had the balls to shoot straight with
me. I had to find out the hard way and later all of
them were like, "Spencer, we knew she wasn't good
for you." I asked them right there, "Why didn't y'all
say something?"

i suppose i do. then again, i don't really associate with too many people where i feel the need to 'walk on eggshells' when i'm around them. if i can't be myself around a person, or they can't be themselves around me, there's no hanging out time to become better friends.

shirtflirt, true true true

Family situations bring in more factors that make it harder.
That's what I'm experiencing right now.

One of my best friends really keeps me grounded, but she never once hurt my feelings because I'm just thankful she's being truly honest with me. When it's anyone else saying those things to me, it can be a hell of a lot tougher to swallow.

I can be that person too. But only to friends I'm really close with.

gotcha helo. yeah, that's an entirely new situation with all kinds of different factors.

good luck

I actually was that person once when I was in my senior year. I basically told a really good friend of mine that she had morphed into someone that I could barely recognise, and I wasn't referring to appearances. There's more to life than great grades.

She took it pretty hard, and balled her eyes out, and told me never to do that to her again. I was left comforting her. So there you go...the truth can really hurt sometimes. It hurt both of us in a way.

We took a sabbatical from each other for about 2-3 years for a variety of reasons, which turned out to be a good thing for me and now we're chums again.

She has admitted she regrets some of the things she did and didn't do back then, and I've admitted things will never be the same, but it doesn't mean we can't be better friends now than we used to be. Its just different now.

The truth is, now I probably wouldn't say what I said then, mainly because I can let go, or maybe I just don't feel as strongly about friendships as I used to. Sad but true.

I'm still honest with my friends, but we're all grown up, and we're all pretty responsible people, and I don't feel a need to tell them how it is, any more. If they want my opinion they could always ask me, and I'd tell them, but I won't usually initiate it. I agree with 'Momentarily', this sort of thing really only happens with friends you're really really close with.

I don't know if I would actually like a friend who is so honest to me that it would hurt my feelings. I think the world's hard enough on people that we don't need friends that'll be harsh on us.

bhoomika on Sep 07 '07 at 7:56pm
I don't know if I would actually like a friend who is so honest to me that it would hurt my feelings. I think the world's hard enough on people that we don't need friends that'll be harsh on us.


But wouldn't you rather have a friend tell you that you're making a mistake or acting in a bad manner instead of going on without any idea? That way you can make amends and fix everything before situations spin out of control.

I love have a friend there who I know will always be honest with me, and I try to do the same for my friends too. Sure it's tough but I think it's worth it.

Momentarily,
Your friend is a treasure worth more than all the gold in the universe - the whole universe - all the planets made of solid
gold put together and then some.

fairybread,
There's definitely wisdom in knowing the right time to tell
someone something - or discerning if the topic is worth even
telling them at all. I'm just wound up right now over people
reacting to something I exposed ( and they agree with the
point I made ) but they hate the fact that it makes them look
bad - so instead of looking at what makes them look bad they
attack the messenger (me).

Years ago a friend had a candid conversation about my
avoiding paying income tax. He set me straight and
saved me from a LOT of financial pain by just shooting
straight with me. Instead of getting mad at the guy I
turned myself around and later I went out of my way
to find him and I thanked him.

I'm just hoping this blog with stir people to seek out the
"straight shooters" in their life and let them know how
much they appreciate their courage to say what they do.
I feel it's a disservice to others to just watch them fall into
a variety of pits throughout life without fair warnings.

fairybread on Sep 07 '07 at 7:27pm
The truth is, now I probably wouldn't say what I said then, mainly because I can let go, or maybe I just don't feel as strongly about friendships as I used to. Sad but true.

Maybe in hindsight you see that your friend wouldn't take
to heart what you pointed out no matter what you would
have said so it seems futile to have said it. If I'm right, you
can always look back and know that you really cared about
her enough to tell her the truth. She can never come back
to you and fault you for just watching her wallow in being
less than the kind of person she could be.

i'd like to thank a friend for telling me i had body odor. i was embarrassed, but i appreciated it. :P

It's better to have friends than cheerleaders.

I don't keep many people around, for that reason.

bhoomika,
I think the delivery is just as important as the content
you're sharing with your friends when you're "wounding"
them. Being harsh is terrible. Being calm and kind while
talking with a friend about a very sensitive topic for their
benefit is what I support. And by the way I make no claims
I accomplish this every time.

I don't. Don't really have a lot of friends honestly.

But I know how difficult it is to be straight with people sometimes, friends or not. Especially here in Canada, there's lots of people who tiptoe around, try not to offend, to be modest and polite all the time (with the exception it would seem of J-Ray), so it's good to find that rare person who will tell you what's on their mind.

Yes, we all need friends like that. I think I tend to be like that myself...

that's what I'm talking about, blogs.

I was in some very informal business situations and I kept
referring to the owner as "my Mom" since she is my Mom.
Someone took me aside and corrected me pretty quickly to
get me to stop referring to her that way. I definitely appreciated
the correction.

Polyester Jones,
They're rare. I hope you find one. I didn't know that about Canada.
I know that's the way it is in China.

It's the same in Sweden, apparently. If you ran me over with a car I would probably apologize.

My personality is fine with having only a few friends, but I
crave the kind that will die for me and vice versa.

Polyester Jones on Sep 07 '07 at 8:36pm
It's the same in Sweden, apparently. If you ran me over with a car I would probably apologize.
ha ah aha haahaha aha

valorandvellum on Sep 07 '07 at 8:24pm
Yes, we all need friends like that. I think I tend to be like that myself...

I agree with you. You don't seem to hold back. Good for you.

---
The biggest part of "wounding" or getting "wounded" so that
there are positive results, I believe, is the willingness to discuss
anything - - including one's willingness to discuss anything.
( This said with the assumption that both parties are really
looking out for the best of the other party )

couldn't help but think of this song

The first line to that song = ouch !
"I could have treated you better but you couldn't have treated me worse"
* said to his friends *

Thanks for your comments helo.

People should try not to shoot the messenger, that's wrong on so many levels. I hope things work out for you.

My friend did take what I said to heart, which is why she cried her eyes out. She also punched me in the arm, and hugged me so hard while crying on me, that I ended up comforting her, and telling her that everything would work out in the end, and reassuring her that I still wanted to be friends.

You know you're right about one thing, I really did care an awful lot about my friend. I still do, just not quite the same way. I can honestly say I cared enough about her wellbeing at the time to have sacraficed my own wellbeing, and our friendship. Now, is another matter like I said.

I am more vary about whether its worth saying certain things now, like you said.

I hope people do stay honest, like you said, its good to have people look out for you.

Being honest and looking out for my friends was something I used to do often, and I just ended up feeling unappreciated by a lot of my friends for years, because of some adverse reactions. And yeah the example I gave was just the one that ended up hurting me the most.

I have some friends who look out for me, and vice versa, emotionally though, I can't see myself getting too involved like I used to. Its just wasn't healthy for me, getting upset over matters I had no control over. Still I admire your stance, and I hope your friend will come to realise how lucky they are to have a friend that cares enough to look out for them.

Frankly it broke my heart to see my friend cry like that she was one of my bestest pals ever, and it really hurt when we both went our separate ways for those 2-3 years. But I got over it, and so did she, and as she says, we're blessed to be where we are, and still be friends.

We talk about it some days, mainly because we never talked about it at the time, we just rushed forward with our lives. And when she does, I hope she sees in my eyes, what I see in hers. The truth - that I'd never want to hurt her and it was never my intention, and I don't think she meant to hurt me in the first place. She recently said to me, she feels like we got a second chance to do things right, maybe she's right. Like they say time heals all wounds.

I don't think I have anyone in my life like that. I wish I did. If I trusted the person, I think it would be pretty positive...

And I wish I were strong enough to be that person. I'm not. I'm bad at telling people things that might hurt them, and I'm terrible about having people get mad at me. I can think of a couple of things that really DO need to be said to a couple of my friends, but I really don't think I'll ever be able to do that, which is, I suppose, a shame.

but maybe I just never get close enough to people to do that. Which makes me really sad.

nice song

Wow Helo you are really touching on some deep stuff, this is no fluff blog!

i feel i've recently lost a good friend because i spoke things to them that i felt they needed to hear, but they felt insulted. one unfortunate thing that happens in relationships, which can tend to eventually blow them apart, is when one or both people hold back from being honest for a long time...and by the time things get out on the table sometimes they come out really badly, because of all the built up resentments on one or both sides. i think it's better to communicate early, and not let it build. if you care about the friendship/relationship, then be honest and communicative...foresee what's down the road if you aren't honest, so that the relationship will be saved.

as for my friend i've probably lost, i can only hope that in time there will be some type of reconciliation possible. i am feeling very sad over it.

i do and they make me go through rollercoasters all the time. One of them is my mom so you sorta cant run away from things EVER...sometimes you just wish for a break lol

fairybread,
The fact you and your friend can talk about the good and
the bad concerning what you have gone through together
is a massive, strong foundation for any needed healing.
I'm hoping the best for you, and thank you for your
comments about my situation.

margolove,
Sometimes you can be anonymous when trying to help
others. example : if a foreign student is at your school, but
she has massive armpit hair growth that others are reacting
negatively to behind her back, then an anonymous note might
be very helpful.

With one of my friends we both gave each other permission
to poke around in any area of our lives to keep each other
accountable. That made it much easier to say things and
to receive things - and to ask & receive some hard questions.

Momentarily on Sep 07 '07 at 9:13pm

I can't always rely on friends to make changes in myself though, sometimes you have to step outside yourself and figure out if you like what you see.

Amen
I agree with not relying on your friends, but it's refreshing
to hear them take the time and see them build up the courage
to tell you the stuff others are too scared to say to you. Too
bad it takes us years sometimes before we appreciate it - like
when we finally appreciate things our parents "wounded" us with.
I hate thinking about parents that are so scared of offending their
own kids.

NatySpaghetti, If your "wounds" from your Mom were from
sincere motives to help you, then hopefully you're taking the time to
let her know how thankful you are for those times she's helped you.
She needs to know you appreciate her.

I dont really think I have a friend like that. My mum is like that. But I always feel my friends say things to make me feel good about myself. I guess I dont believe/trust what they say

heyheyitsme,
I feel for you. I really hope things go for you like they're going for fairybread.

Your point about not holding things in for a long time is
hitting home with me. The specific situation that motivated
me to make this blog has been going on since May and the
overall situation has been going on for years. I just wasn't
mature/equipped enough to deal with it way back. So I
definitely waited too long because even though I wasn't
mature enough, I still could go searching for someone who
was mature enough to know how to address the situation.
And even if I screwed up on my first choice, then I could
have kept going and going until I found someone who could
help us all handle the situation.

Has anyone been part of an intervention ?

Jebbieon Sep 07 '07 at 11:02pm
I dont really think I have a friend like that. My mum is like that...

Well then your Mum really cares for you and has your
best interests closer to her heart than all your friends do.
That's better than any Christmas or Birthday present
you'll ever get.

yeah...unfortunately i "intervened" with my mom too many times over the years...she was severely bipolor/possible schizophrenic...in and out of state hospital...believe me, it was a thankless job...

on a brighter note though, people intervene in all types of situations and i'm sure there are many that do indeed turn out for the good. for me, because it was my mom, and because she absolutely NEVER EVER thought she had a problem or wanted help (indeed, everyone else, especially me, had the "problem")...there was a horrible dynamic that existed. but maybe, if it were two sincere friends (rather than a child playing the parent...) and the communication of love and caring was genuine and repeatedly reinforced, AND the person could see/acknowledge their problem and be willing to accept help...then MAYBE...who knows??!!! I think there is always hope. Your friend is fortunate that you care enough to consider intervening in whatever...i think you should get other appropriate people involved (especially if they are suicidal or something like that), don't go it alone. not just for their sake, but for yours:)

heyheyitsme,
Thank you for the excellent advice. My situation isn't as bad
as you experienced, but your point about bringing others that
my friend respects is applicable so I need to take that step.

Your use of the capital " MAYBE " made me chuckle because
that is so true. After all that can be done in sincerity and
with much care ...then MAYBE... it could go one way or the
other -- because nothing is certain.
so true

that's for sure, nothing is ever certain:) i hope things go well for you and your friend's situation...

I take a certain pride in being blunt and truthful to good friends because socitey can be a a LOT worse. I feel long as you do it in away that you show that you care for that person. Even if they get upset at first they will understand in the long run. I know I respect people that are that way to me.

I told a close friend that he was going to marry the physical embodiment of evil - he married her anyway and since then we never talk -


she now has little evil babies

Hi my name is,
Preach it brutha!

ISABOA,
I did something similar to a friend who told me exactly
what he was looking for in a wife and yet he was planning
on marrying someone so different. So I reminded him of
what he said he was looking for and how she didn't match
up to his own qualifications. He didn't want to hear any of it.
Right then his manlihood shriveled up and a breeze took it
away. I imagine his wife dressed like a cave woman dragging
him around by the hair.

Hopefully those guys will look back and have at least a
drop of appreciation that someone was yelling at them
not to jump down the well head first.

i don't have too many of those friends.

theartfreak,
Even if you have only one friend who shoots straight with you,
then the purpose of this blog is to encourage you to thank
them for taking the time and courage to say what needed
to be said in whatever situation you were in. Hopefully you've
been blessed with at least one those friends.

I am that friend... friend. It's time for a haircut buddy. Then give the locks so I can have a wicked rattail in the back. :)

ha ha ha ha ha - yeah I needed a haircut when that pic was taken

I did finally get my hair cut. And I took the hair and
weaved it into a little coat for a totally bald hamster :P