Watch: A sign of the times
of 55 votes, 9% like it
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I don't wanna go in detail 'coz the devil is in it
of 53 votes, 9% like it
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Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Who's from Earth?
of 60 votes, 23% like it
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If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, Earth is doomed.
of 49 votes, 33% like it
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If anything's possible, it's possible some things are impossible.
of 52 votes, 35% like it
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A real lone ranger doesn't have a Tonto
of 51 votes, 8% like it
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The last thing I want to do is die
of 65 votes, 25% like it
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Shovels: Groundbreaking
of 35 votes, 51% like it
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A good postman always pushes the envelope
of 28 votes, 43% like it
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Why put needles in haystacks in the first place?
of 27 votes, 48% like it
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Today's Menu: New, Open, Close, Save, Save As, Print, Exit.
of 15 votes, 47% like it
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Bow and arrow: The original point and shoot
of 17 votes, 41% like it
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Opportunity: What optimists see in an empty glass
of 22 votes, 50% like it
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I cannot tell a lie, but half-truths will do.
of 26 votes, 54% like it
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Let us pause for a moment to enter the cheat code.
of 14 votes, 36% like it
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Incremental excrements decrement waste.
of 13 votes, 38% like it
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Slammin'!
of 12 votes, 42% like it
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Mathematicians dream of imaginary numbers
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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It's taking me forever to be immortal
of 22 votes, 36% like it
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What do ants have in their pants?
of 22 votes, 50% like it
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This shirt contains scenes not suitable for very young audiences.
of 34 votes, 35% like it
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If you think about it, ALL numbers are imaginary.
of 28 votes, 39% like it
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Tissue Paper: The difference between mummies and zombies
of 29 votes, 48% like it
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Chopsticks: There is no spoon
of 24 votes, 38% like it
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F*CK Asterisks!
of 26 votes, 35% like it
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Is it still a rhetorical question if you answer it?
of 19 votes, 47% like it
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The apple made Newton understand the gravity of the situation.
of 17 votes, 41% like it
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TSA: Touching Sensitive Areas
of 22 votes, 45% like it
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My tree of knowledge is a bonsai
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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I can take a lot of punches. With ice.
of 13 votes, 62% like it
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No, you can't take any more leaves out of my book.
of 11 votes, 45% like it
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The dimmest bulb in the house lasts the longest.
of 20 votes, 45% like it
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A long time ago, cut and paste meant scissors, glue, and paper.
of 19 votes, 53% like it
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Nothing beats the real thing. Then came the internet.
of 15 votes, 40% like it
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Born when people still pushed shopping carts.
of 19 votes, 42% like it
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Desktops didn't have icons in my day.
of 18 votes, 44% like it
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Back in the 20th Century, laptops were either pets or babies.
of 17 votes, 35% like it
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Remember when notebooks were made of paper?
of 18 votes, 44% like it
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Chaos is just us not seeing the pattern yet.
of 18 votes, 44% like it
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I'm not paranoid; I'm just being careful.
of 17 votes, 47% like it
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Celts: Cross-dressing Since the Iron Age
of 15 votes, 33% like it
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Ovals think circles are perfect.
of 18 votes, 33% like it
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Horses kick ass
of 18 votes, 39% like it
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Santa: Breaking and entering repeat offender
of 19 votes, 47% like it
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Thank Xerox for CTRL+Z
of 17 votes, 35% like it
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The light saber is mightier than the sword.
of 34 votes, 38% like it
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Time heals all wounds, but I prefer antiseptic.
of 35 votes, 37% like it
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Peace is the missing piece.
of 14 votes, 36% like it
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When it rains cats, it purrs.
of 14 votes, 43% like it
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Needles are a pain in the ass.
of 21 votes, 33% like it
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I take euphemisms to ease the pain.
of 17 votes, 41% like it
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Matter: anything that occupies space and has mass appeal
of 18 votes, 39% like it
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SMS killed the spelling bee.
of 20 votes, 45% like it
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I can't blame the sun for thinking the world revolves around it.
of 39 votes, 36% like it
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Mathematically: It's how you play the game that counts.
of 24 votes, 33% like it
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If we take pictures to preserve memories, why do we edit them?
of 32 votes, 38% like it
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Old cameras are so negative.
of 27 votes, 33% like it
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Cameras have photographic memory.
of 27 votes, 33% like it
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Bulldozers level the playing field.
of 20 votes, 35% like it
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S. W. A. T. : Sorry We Aren't Trained
of 20 votes, 35% like it
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Optimists: Even If Life's A Joke, It's Still A Good One
of 28 votes, 36% like it
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Zombies hate no-brainers.
of 34 votes, 38% like it
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Phobophobia: Because there's nothing to fear but fear itself.
of 32 votes, 38% like it
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I drink alcohol to disinfect my wounded heart.
of 27 votes, 30% like it
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The polar ice caps melting is just the tip of the iceberg.
of 42 votes, 36% like it
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Cloning: That Makes Two Of Us!
of 38 votes, 50% like it
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Being heartless took a huge load off my chest.
of 31 votes, 35% like it
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There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I prefer girls on land.
of 31 votes, 52% like it
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Fossils: Caught Between A Rock And A Hard Place
of 29 votes, 52% like it
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We were winning until the DJ turned the table on us
of 35 votes, 34% like it
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Actors act like they're working.
of 36 votes, 44% like it
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Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but often wasted.
of 29 votes, 45% like it
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Spiders: The original web developers
of 27 votes, 41% like it
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Medusa Was One Drop Dead Gorgeous Gorgon
of 30 votes, 47% like it
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Do frogs croak when they die?
of 30 votes, 40% like it
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Badass Or Kickass, You're Still An Ass.
of 29 votes, 45% like it
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Death: The deadline nobody misses
of 25 votes, 44% like it
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The fabric of space and time has never been washed
of 28 votes, 39% like it
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Zombies: 100% Humanitarian
of 26 votes, 38% like it
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Pessimists are positive that the worst is yet to come
of 26 votes, 50% like it
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World Domination Begins At Home
of 28 votes, 39% like it
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1 out of 10 people who swallow their pride end up choking on it
of 26 votes, 35% like it
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NO: The free oral contraceptive
of 39 votes, 36% like it
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That broken watch already served its time.
of 37 votes, 38% like it
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The rainbow always passes a test with flying colors
of 31 votes, 45% like it
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Don't just do it. Do it well. And make sure everyone's looking.
of 30 votes, 53% like it
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Cannibals would love to have you over for dinner
of 24 votes, 33% like it
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Being totally free takes the fun out of breaking the rules
of 22 votes, 45% like it
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Forgiveness is just phase one of my grand master plan
of 27 votes, 44% like it
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Why take the road less traveled if the main road is much better?
of 25 votes, 48% like it
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The Jungle: Where The Wild Things Are
of 17 votes, 35% like it
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A misquote becomes a quote when it is quoted.
of 22 votes, 36% like it
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In The Beginning, Everything Was Voice-Activated.
of 26 votes, 54% like it
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Man: A fine argument that God should have taken two days off
of 23 votes, 52% like it
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Money can't buy happiness, but I'd like to see for myself
of 21 votes, 52% like it
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Iceberg: The rest is the same as the tip, only bigger.
of 17 votes, 35% like it
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Flattery: Not recommended for people with inflated egos
of 17 votes, 53% like it
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The Rolling Stones: Moss-free since 1962
of 21 votes, 48% like it
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Tigers and zebras spend their whole lives behind bars
of 17 votes, 35% like it
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I lost some sleep last night but found it today at the office
of 29 votes, 62% like it
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Revenge is a dish best served lots of times
of 20 votes, 35% like it
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Good designers copy, great designers steal, bad ones get caught
of 24 votes, 46% like it
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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. Am I better off stupid?
of 30 votes, 33% like it
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If you never had the opportunity, then it's time to make your own
of 31 votes, 39% like it
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Laws create lawbreakers
of 30 votes, 30% like it
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Knowledge is power, but I prefer electricity
of 30 votes, 40% like it
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I loved java back when it was just coffee
of 32 votes, 38% like it
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You're a joke and you don't even get it.
of 33 votes, 33% like it
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When it's raining cats and dogs, call your local animal shelter
of 32 votes, 41% like it
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Never bite the hand that feeds you, especially your own
of 28 votes, 43% like it
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That bit about you having a brain is all in your head
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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They say I like cliffhangers, but that's another story.
of 27 votes, 48% like it
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I went blind after keeping an eye on both of them
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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Watch repairmen always work against the clock
of 23 votes, 35% like it
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A time capsule a day keeps chronic disorders away
of 22 votes, 36% like it
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Paper jam: The green alternative to strawberry
of 26 votes, 42% like it
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Firefighters fight fire. I just play with it.
of 24 votes, 38% like it
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Life is the longest roller coaster ride I've ever been on.
of 25 votes, 36% like it
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I suck at Math 101 because I skipped the last 100
of 25 votes, 36% like it
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Love your neighbor, but keep it a secret.
of 29 votes, 38% like it
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Have faith in people, but keep your doors locked
of 30 votes, 50% like it
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An object in motion stays in motion until it gets tired
of 28 votes, 36% like it
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Cannibals are proof that we are what we eat.
of 30 votes, 47% like it
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The best way to a man's heart is through the rib cage
of 31 votes, 52% like it
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Never eat more than you can pay
of 27 votes, 30% like it
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Sleep: Death in small doses
of 27 votes, 30% like it
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Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a lot of other things
of 28 votes, 39% like it
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An idle mind is...zzzzzzzzzzz....
of 24 votes, 38% like it
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Women are like wine; they're intoxicating
of 24 votes, 42% like it
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It's nice to be loved and even nicer to be told so occasionally
of 20 votes, 40% like it
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Good things come to those who wait, but time waits for no man
of 23 votes, 39% like it
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Love makes the womb go round
of 24 votes, 33% like it
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Knowledge talks, gossips listen.
of 26 votes, 42% like it
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What do you call a great donkey? Kickass
of 36 votes, 42% like it
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How many gifted children go on to become gifted adults?
of 37 votes, 30% like it
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Sirloin: The knighted meat
of 42 votes, 38% like it
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My memory is getting a little foggy. It must be the weather.
of 42 votes, 36% like it
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Time Travel: Recycling Wasted Time
of 43 votes, 37% like it
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What doesn't kill you might try again.
of 39 votes, 56% like it
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If patience is a virtue, I'd like to choose another.
of 33 votes, 36% like it
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Laughter may be the best medicine, but it sure is contagious.
of 35 votes, 49% like it
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Dying? Don't worry, you got your whole afterlife ahead of you
of 33 votes, 33% like it
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Geniuses are crazy people with crazy ideas that normal people get
of 33 votes, 36% like it
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Great minds think alike. I think so, too.
of 38 votes, 34% like it
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If the alarm went off, then why can I still hear it?
of 37 votes, 35% like it
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Remove pants before debriefing
of 40 votes, 33% like it
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Safety first, accidents follow.
of 47 votes, 30% like it
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Is it just coincidence that liar and lawyer sounds alike?
of 46 votes, 30% like it
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There's an exception to every rule, including this one.
of 40 votes, 38% like it
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If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence that you tried
of 44 votes, 41% like it
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The more the merrier. Not applicable to pessimists.
of 45 votes, 47% like it
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If the good die young, does that mean old folks are bad?
of 40 votes, 40% like it
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Talk is cheap, but text is cheaper.
of 45 votes, 51% like it
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Oil and water don't mix. Ask BP.
of 46 votes, 48% like it
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Love will find a way. But isn't love blind?
of 39 votes, 36% like it
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You reap what you sow, unless someone got there first.
of 43 votes, 33% like it
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You know you're poor if you can't even afford to dream
of 49 votes, 33% like it
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If you took a day off, how do you put it back on?
of 42 votes, 36% like it
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