BROS, A FEW WEEKS AGO, I WENT OVER TO KENNY'S TO DRINK SOME PBRS. STANDARD PROCEDURE... WE DRINK A SIX PACK EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND THEN GO TO THE LOCAL BAR AFTER THAT FOR THE FUCKIN' WEDNESDAY NIGHT DRINK SPECIALS. IT'S WIN WIN.

ANYWAY, WHEN I WAS AT KENNY'S, I WENT TO CHUCK AN EMPTY CAN IN THE TRASH AND I NOTICED ALL THESE EMPTY MCDONALD'S FRIES THINGS IN THERE. I TURNED TO KENNY AND I WAS ALL, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, BRO? DON'T YOU PLAY THE MOTHERFUCKIN' MONOPOLY GAME? YOU WIN FREE PRIZES AND SHIT."

SEE, KENNY JUST EATS THE FUCKIN' FRIES AND DOESN'T PEEL OFF THE GAME PIECES. ANYWAY, THERE WERE THREE FRIES THINGS IN THERE SO I GRABBED 'EM ALL AND PULLED OFF THE PIECES. KENNY JUST SAT THERE DRINKIN' HIS PBR, BUT THEN I WALKED UP TO HIM AND I WAS ALL, "BRO, YOU JUST MADE THE BIGGEST FUCKIN' MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE." THEN I SHOWED HIM A WINNING GAME PIECE FOR A FREE FUCKIN' MEDIUM FRIES. KENNY SPIT HALF HIS BEER OUT WHEN HE SAW IT AND TRIED TO WRESTLE THE GAME PIECE FROM ME. HE WAS ALL, " THAT'S MINE, FIRESTORM!" AND I WAS ALL, " FUCK YOU, BRO! YOU THREW IT AWAY."

ANYWAY, A COUPLE DAYS LATER, I WENT TO MCDONALDS AFTER WORK. PARKED MY CAR AND WENT INSIDE. I SLAMMED THE GAME PIECE ON THE COUNTER AND I WAS ALL, "READ IT AND WEEP, BRO." THE DUDE BEHIND THE COUNTER LOOKED AT THE PIECE AND WAS ALL, "SORRY, SIR. THE MONOPOLY GAME IS OVER." I WAS ALL, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, BRO? I WON FREE FUCKIN' FRENCH FRIES." THEN HE WAS ALL, "YOUR GAME PIECE IS EXPIRED. NOW, IF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY MONOPOLY HERE AT MCDONALD'S YOU NEED TO PLAY BY THE RULES. SO YOU CAN EITHER PURCHASE THE MEDIUM FRIES, OR TAKE A RIDE ON THE READING."

THAT'S WHEN I LEAPED OVER THE COUNTER, GRABBED THE DUDE BY THE NECK AND MARCHED HIM OVER TO THE DEEP FRIER. I PUSHED HIS HEAD DOWN JUST INCHES AWAY FROM THE BOILING OIL AND I WAS ALL, "GIVE ME THE FUCKIN' FRIES, BRO." TWO WORKERS QUICKLY RAN OVER AND FILLED UP A BIG PAPER BAG WITH FRIES AND HANDED IT TO ME. THE WHOLE PLACE WAS SILENT. AS I LEAPED BACK OVER THE COUNTER, I STUFFED SOME FRIES IM MY MOUTH, POINTED AT THE PETRIFIED MANAGER AND I WAS ALL, "DO NOT PASS GO, BRO."

ON THE WAY OUT TO THE PARKING LOT, SOME CHICK WHO WORKED AT MCDONALD'S RAN OUT AFTER ME. SHE WAS ALL, "YOU WERE AMAZING IN THERE. MY MANAGER IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE." FLASH FORWARD FIVE MINUTES LATER AND I'M DRIVIN' MY TRANS-AM HOME, SHOVIN' FRENCH FRIES IN MY FACE AND GETTIN' A KNOBJOB AT THE SAME TIME. THE MONOPOLY GAME AT MCDONALD'S IS SOLID, BROS! SOLID.