Interview by Rachel Gottesman

Congrats on being the mastermind behind two rad Threadless prints! Where do you come up with your ideas?

THANKS, BRO! MOST OF THE TIME, I’LL BE OUT DRINKIN’ WITH MY BRO KENNY AND THAT'S WHEN IDEAS START POPPIN’ INTO MY HEAD. MY CONCEPTS USUALLY START OUT PRETTY SIMPLE, BUT THEN I THINK OF WAYS TO MAKE ‘EM ROCK HARDER. I’M ALL ABOUT TAKING ONE THING THAT’S TOTALLY BADASS AND COMBINING IT WITH SOMETHIN’ ELSE THAT’S EVEN MORE FUCKIN’ BADASS.

FOR EXAMPLE, I MIGHT START OUT WITH JUST WOLFS, RIGHT? WOLFS ARE TOTALLY FUCKIN’ AWESOME AND SHIT. YOU COULD MAKE A KILLER TEE WITH JUST WOLFS ON IT AND EVERYBODY WOULD BE HAPPY. BUT WHY STOP THERE, BRO? THROW SOME HOT ASIAN CHICKS ON TOP, AND ADD SOME FLAMES AND SHIT. NOW YOU GOT A DESIGN THAT’S GONNA SCORTCH THE INTERNET’S MOTHER TRUCKIN’ EYEBALLS OUT.



How do you choose the artists you collaborate with? Do you have a lot of artistic talent yourself or are you mostly the "brains" of the operation?

BRO, THE ARTISTS I CHOOSE TO COLLABORATE WITH ARE ONLY THE BEST OF THE BEST. I’M DICK FIRESTORM! I DON’T GOT TIME TO WASTE WITH
AMATEURS. YOU GOTTA HAVE KILLER TALENT AND BE READY TO GO FULL THROTTLE IF YOU’RE GONNA WORK WITH ME.

TO ANSWER THE SECOND PART OF YOUR QUESTION, I CAN DRAW GOOD ENOUGH THAT YOU CAN TELL WHAT I WAS TRYIN’ TO DRAW WITHOUT ME SAYIN’ WHAT I JUST DREW. BUT WITH THREADLESS DESIGNS, I BRING OUT THE BIG GUNS FOR THE ARTWORK. WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, MY IDEAS ARE NOTHIN’ WITHOUT A SOLID DESIGNER TO WORK WITH. SAM SCHUNA (OLIE!) AND ALED LEWIS (FATHEED) ARE THE REASONS THAT FIRESTORM T-SHIRTS EXIST TODAY. BOTH OF THESE DUDES DID KILLER JOBS MAKIN’ MY IDEAS COME TO LIFE. I’M HONORED THAT THEY WANTED TO FUCKIN' WORK WITH ME AND SHIT.

What do you do for a living besides making tees?

I LIVE IN MY MOM'S BASEMENT SO I DON'T PAY RENT AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT.



BUT, I STILL NEED CASH TO GO OUT AND DRINK BEERS WITH KENNY. I ALSO GOTTA KEEP MY TRANS AM AND MOTORCYCLE RUNNIN'. SO, I WAKE UP EVERYDAY AT THE ASSCRACK OF DAWN AND DELIVER BIGASS PACKAGES FOR THOSE DUMBASS ASSCLOWNS OVER AT UPS.

What are some of your favorite Threadless designs from other artists?

MOST OF MY FAVORITES AIN’T BEEN PRINTED YET. BUT CHECK IT OUT, RACHEL
RAYGUN BRO… YOU DID A DESIGN CALLED "BACKBITERS" THAT I THOUGHT WAS TOTALLY FUCKIN’ KILLER! WHY HASN’T THAT ONE PRINTED? THAT DRAGON WAS SOLID! I WOULD TOTALLY ROCK THAT, BRO!

Thanks, man. I think we went for your dragon instead!

Tell me your favorite crazy bar fight story.

BRO, IT AIN'T EASY TO PICK A FAVORITE, BUT CHECK IT OUT... I THINK IT WAS LIKE THREE YEARS AGO. I WAS PUTTIN' ON METALLICA SONGS ON THE LOCAL
HANGOUT JUKEBOX AND THERE WAS SOME DUDE BEHIND WAITIN' ME TO PUT ON SHITTY MUSIC. I WAS JUST TAKIN' MY TIME AND NURSIN' MY PBR. THE WHOLE TIME, I COULD HEAR THE DUDE BEHIND ME SIGHING LIKE HE WAS ANNOYED OR SOME SHIT. I JUST IGNORED IT. THEN, AS I STARTED PUTTING ALL THE SONGS FROM "RIDE THE LIGHTNING" ON, THE DUDE GRABS ME BY THE SHOULDER AND PULLS ME BACK SO I'M FORCED TO LOOK AT HIS DOUCHEBAG FACE.

HE WAS ALL, "DUDE, ARE YOU SERIOUS? HOW MANY METALLICA SONGS ARE YOU GONNA PUT ON?" I WAS ALL, "AS MANY AS I FUCKIN' FEEL LIKE, BRO."

THAT’S WHEN I REACHED INTO MY POCKET, PULLED OUT A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL AND THEN STRAIGHTENED OUT ALL THE CREASES IN FRONT OF HIS FACE. I STUCK THE BILL INTO THE MACHINE AND KEPT PROGRAMMIN' MORE METALLICA SONGS. BY THE TIME I WAS DONE, I HAD EVERY FUCKIN' METALLICA SONG EVER RECORDED IN THE SONG QUEUE.

SO LIKE, TEN MINUTES LATER, I'M BACK AT MY SEAT ENJOYIN' METALLICA,
DRINKIN' PBR AND TALKIN' TO THIS HOT CHICK NAMED VALERIE THAT I WAS INTO AT THE TIME. THINGS WERE SOLID. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE MUSIC STOPS. I TURN MY HEAD AND IT'S THE DUMBASS THAT WAS BEHIND ME AT THE JUKEBOX BEFORE AND HE'S STANDIN' OVER THERE WITH THE JUKEBOX POWER CORD IN HIS HAND.



I STOOD UP, POINTED AND YELLED OUT, "NOW YOU GONNA GET SCORTCH'D!" SO, AS I'M WALKIN' OVER THERE, THREE OF THE JUKEBOX DOUCHEBAG'S FRIENDS RUN OUT AND STAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. THEY WERE ALL WEARIN' BUTTON DOWN SHIRTS, KHAKIS AND THEY HAD DOUCHEBAG GEL IN THEIR HAIR. BRO, IT WAS AS IF THERE WAS A DOUCHEBAG MACHINE SOMEWHERE THAT WAS JUST CRANKIN’ OUT DOUCHEBAGS.

I STOOD THERE JUST LOOKIN' AT 'EM AND SHAKIN' MY HEAD. ALL THE WHILE, THE ORIGINAL DOUCHEBAG WAS PUNCHIN' IN NEW TRACKS ON THE JUKEBOX. THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, A JOHN MAYER SONG COMES ON. THAT'S WHEN I TOTALLY FUCKIN' LOST IT.

YOU KNOW THAT SCENE IN KING KONG WHERE KING KONG FIGHTS THREE T-REXES AT THE SAME TIME? THIS WAS JUST LIKE THAT, BRO. ONLY, IN THIS CASE, THE T-REXES WERE TOTAL FUCKIN' DOUCHEBAGS.

THE FIRST PUNCH I THREW KNOCKED ONE DUDE OUT COLD. WE'RE TALKIN' DOWN FOR THE COUNT. AFTER THAT, I ALTERNATED BEAT DOWNS WITH THE OTHER THREE DOUCHEBAGS' FACES. I BROKE ONE GUY'S NOSE PRETTY QUICK AND THAT ENDS A FIGHT EVERY TIME. BRO, THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD ON HIS SHIRT THAT IT LOOKED LIKE HE WAS WEARIN' A FUCKIN' JACKSON POLLOCK PAINTING.

ANYWAY, THERE WERE STILL TWO DOUCHEBAGS LEFT TO BEAT DOWN. JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO BASH IN THE ORIGINAL JUKEBOX DOUCHEBAG'S FACE, THE SECOND DUDE JUMPED ON MY BACK AND TRIED TO GET HIS ARM AROUND MY NECK. ALLS I DID WAS RUN BACKWARDS STRAIGHT INTO THE METAL COAT HOOKS ON THE WALL. IT KNOCKED THE FUCKIN’ WIND OUT OF HIM. HE WAS FINISHED.



SO FINALLY, IT WAS DOWN TO JUST ME AND THE DOUCHEBAG WHO STARTED IT ALL. HE WAS STANDIN’ THERE WITH A LOOK ON HIS FACE THAT SEEMED TO SAY, "DON’T SCORTCH ME, BRO." I STOOD THERE FOR A MINUTE JUST STARIN’ HIM DOWN. NEXT THING YOU KNOW, HIS DOUCHEBAG JOHN MAYER SONG BEGINS TO FADE OUT AND IN THE FEW QUIET MOMENTS IN BETWEEN SONGS, I FELT TOTALLY AT PEACE FOR ONCE. THEN, A DAVE MATTHEWS BAND TRACK STARTS PLAYIN’. I TURNED INTO A TOTAL FUCKIN’ ANIMAL AGAIN. BRO, I SLAMMED THAT DOUCHEBAG’S FACE INTO THE JUKEBOX SO HARD, THAT THE MACHINE RESET AND MY METALLICA SONGS KICKED BACK ON. RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT, EVERYBODY IN THE BAR BROKE INTO WILD APPLAUSE. IT WAS A FUN NIGHT, BRO.



You can hold your own against jerks at a bar but what would you do if you encountered a group of half-naked asian chicks in the woods riding wolves with their guns firing at you?

I WOULD GET THE FUCKIN' BONER OF THE CENTURY, BRO.

If there's anything else you'd like to say, go for it.

ANYONE WHO SCORED ANY OF MY DESIGNS A ZERO CAN KISS MY BALLS.

Thanks for chatting!


ANYTIME, BRO!

Interview by Rachel Gottesman

Read more interviews!