Hello all,

Here I am back in the great critiques section with a rough idea about a new design.

This is only a first work on this new idea, but I would like to have your advice early in the development of it.

So can you tell me your feelings about it, and ideas to make it look better?



Thanks a lot!

Hmmm, I like the concept alot. Edison said "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." I know he failed hundreds of times making the lightbulb. Can you put some crazyinvention in the thought bubble and call it Edison Failure # 127 or something like that. The candle doesn't work so much.



Can you look at my critique: And the Dish Ran Away.

I would put two people.

Bot have an idea.

By edison the idea is showed like a lightball.

by the other person it's a candle.



critique?

Well, the concept is that usually, you symbolize the fact of having an idea by putting a lightbulb above the characters head...since Edison invented the lightbulb, this can not be a lightbulb, but a candel...

I am not sure that was clear...

i think its great without the text- people will get it, especially if you have that as the title



really the candle is throwin me off- you should just draw it yourself

also it would be alot more clear if you just had it above his head. like the do in the cartoons- you could lose the thought bubble too

definately lose the text



its a great idea, but the placement of the candle is not quite right, needs to be above him



would appreciate your comments

Hi donlope01!

Nice design, but I´m agree with the candles comments.

Also the text could be more integrated in the draw..play with typos, it´s funny!

And put the point outside Edison as well and gives a retro-vintage looks.



well..it´s my point of view.

Thanks for comment my design tee.

That's a funny idea. I don't like the spot and the candle. Also the pattern/effect on the paint can be better.



If you want to critique mine: Polly on air

This is a second version of my idea.

I would like to have your critiques and advices on different points:

-I have the feeling I need to keep the text to explain the concept because if I just klet a man without even saying it's Edison, I don't think anybody will understand. But the question is: is my english correct on this text, do you think I should place it where it is or somewhere else? What do you think of the font? (Other font on v1)

-I changed the candel, but let it on a bubble, do you think I should change smthg on that?

-I have the feeling smthg is missing around the character because it ends a bit abruptly on the bottom end of it.

Thank you very much for your help!!

It's a fun idea. I would still say that you could lose the text and simply having a person from a distinctly different time period with a thought bubble that has a candle instead of a lightbulb clearly expresses the joke. The candle could use more detail but hand drawn is an improvement from the previous version.

The candle in V1 is better. I agree with Rhia that the text is not needed if the time period is evident.

I'm working on a different way to display the text if it's what's wrong.

In fact, I really want to keep it like that, because as fa as I'm concerned, I really want the character to be identified as Edison. I think it's more funny than to have any other character from ancient time.



As for the candle, well, I have two advices here, one better than v1 the other one, worst than v1, any other opinion? Should I get rid of the candlestick to keep only the candle??

Thank you for your critiques.

i agree bout the candle....V1 is better.

critique mine??

Well, I did not modify the candle yet, but will do so on next version.

This is just to submit the idea about the text in bulbs...what do you think of it?

I'm not really happy with placements and things like that, but couldn't say why so if you have any ideas, they are really welcome.

Do you think the idea is cool, or is it too much in the design??

someone mentioned this is the previous version and i'm just going to reiterate. I think you could lose the text and the lightbulbs completely

i think someone in old style dress - you could push what he's currently wearing that little further - with just a candle like you have now.

i think that as a concept is strong enough and all the additional stuff is just distracting from it



i could do with some comments on my pot and kettle if you would be so kind, thanks

Don't think the lightbulbs work as they take away from the candle. If you want text perhaps just give him a 'Thomas Edison' nametag and keep it subtle leaving the viewer to figure it out and not shoving it in their face.

Also reinstate the original candle without the halftone.

Candle shouldn't be in a thought bubble. Lightbulbs just appear sans bubble when we have thoughts. Also, instead of the text, perhaps have Edison drawing a rough sketch of a lightbulb when the candle appears above his head? This is a great idea, btw.

Well, I'm sorry, I read the comments on v3 after having finalised this one.

So it is once again a version with the Text...what do you think of it, could this work or should I definitively forget the text?

The thing is that i really want the character to be recognised as Edison. I could as someone suggested put a little tag only sauying this is Edison...maybe on his jacket??

I removed the candlestick, but did it on the v2 candel...So, with or without candelstick? With v1 or v2 candel?

Thanks a lot for your critiques :) even if I look like I'm narrow minded wanting to keep this text, I take them all into account and am just trying some different thing to keep it...before eventually get rid of it maybe :D

The concept gets lost in this version. The candle from V1 and the nametag are what I suggest.

Yes, I think you're definitively right.

Also, someone on the previous version suggested that the character is drawing a rough sketch of a bulb and I think this one could work for me....

I think I will work on this direction.

I finally got rid of the text and added a table with a sketch of a bulb.

I think it lacks something and elements seem to be separated...but I don't know how to change this. If you have any idea...and also, do you prefer this version?



PS: I kno I still have work to do on the candle...next version :D

I think you're moving in the right direction. Sketches on a blackboard is a good way to identify him as Edison without using text, but I'm not crazy about your execution. Why is the blackboard so small? And why is it chipped on the sides? I'd rather see him in front of a big classroom-style blackboard with scribbled notes, crossed-out sketches, etc. And the lightbulb doesn't look like a chalkboard drawing, it looks like a high-contrast photograph. I would definitely work on making it look more like what an inventor would sketch out.

I also think you should lose the thought bubble. I might be wrong about this, but usually in cartoons when someone gets an idea, just a lightbulb appears above their head, not a lightbulb inside a thought bubble.

It's a cool idea, though. And it's definitely getting there.

maybe the thought bubble can be like a picture equation, such as candle plus whatever equals light bulb, i love where this is going though

Including the lightbulb takes away from the candle which I think totally takes away from the concept. Get rid of the bulb and write 'Edison' on his lapel.

Even better, why not make the thought bubble in the shape of a lightbulb thereby negating the need to write Edison or have the blackboard!

so go, don' t stop... haha... you don't need Edison here... It's a CANDLE dreaming bulb... Edison was just a instrument in candles hands... :)

I like Smelynai's idea with the candle dreaming about becoming a light blub. As far as the style goes, it's a bit to computer generated for my taste, but still a good idea.

A new version, with lots of modifications.

I'm quite happy with it since it keeps with the original idea and looks better.

Please tell me your opinion and critiques.

Thank you very much!!!

I think the original idea is lost, which was that before Edison invented the lightbulb the 'eureka' moment was signified with a candle. I think you've overdeveloped the concept and need to take it back to the bare essentials.

I think you've lost the original idea which was that before Edison invented the lightbulb the 'eureka' moment was signified with a candle. This is the essence of the piece and I do think you've overdeveloped it and need to take it back to the bare essentials. There's no need to picture the lightbulb if you can allude to it.

Sorry - double comment as the original one didn't post.

i agrre with kdidj, the original idea is lost, but looks really cool. I think tha Edison looks a little "cut" in the bottom.

Any way, cool idea, keep working!

simple = better

I know the original idea is lost...but I thought this one was cool. Is it that bad to change the original idea?

In this new version, I changed the places of the elements on the blackboard to be closer to the original idea (before Eison invented the bulb, the thought bubble for the idea was with a candle).

Anyway, I would like to keep the idea of having the candle drawn on the board as if it was above the head of Edison...what do you think of this version?



I also changed Edison colour...to make him more distinct from the bckgd.

Your critiques are more than welcome...thank you!

Plus, if anyone has an idea about how I could end Edison in the bottom...please feel free to suggest!!

You don't need the blackboard as it clutters the design. I think the design is still too overdeveloped and that you should take it back to the V2 layout with the V1 candle and make the thought bubble the rough shape of a lightbulb.

Yes, I know what you mean, but I'm not sure that the concept will be that obvious doing like that...

I can try to post one version as you say to see if it works though...

Thank your for your feedback

Sometimes it's best not to stuff the message in the viewer's face and I think this is one of those times. Let them figure it out and it'll be much better. I look forward to seeing the next version.

Well, that's why I decided to put the candle on the blackboard instead of putting it in a thought bubble.

Yes, but the whole idea is based around the 'eureka' thought so the thought bubble is an integral part of the design. The blackboard takes away from that as it signifies the thought process after the eureka moment.

Any other comments, advices? Do you prefer V6/V7 or smthg more like V1/V2??

All versions have merit, at this point my only advice is to submit the one YOU prefer, that best conveys your idea critiques can be confusing so go with your instinct. Good luck!

I agree with you on this point.

Nevertheless, I still have no clue on how to ed Edison on the bottom since it does not look that good to me...

well maybe he's standing behind a bunch of candelabra explaining his need to invent a better method of lighting or gas lamps or a combination of old skool lghting devices

Well, I also prefer v7. Will try the idea of a complete green shirt.

But I still have no idea on how to end that f** Edison silhouette :D

I agree with losing the board. If Edison was made more of a halftone you could maybe fade him out towards the bottom of the t. Or the equations could be larger and cover the t-shirt then make Edison a lot smaller.

i like but what about making Edison writing in the board and looking at us i think it would be better

I like this version a lot. It could be real good depending on where it is on the shirt.

Hello all,

I'm going back after quite a while with a new version of Edison ideas.

I got rid of the blackboard frame and tried a placement on the tshirt.

If you have any ideas, suggestions, critiques, please feel free to comment!!

Thank you!

Ooops, sorry for the file definition...pleas don't take that into account in your critiques!

Hello all,

I'm going back after quite a while with a new version of Edison ideas.

I got rid of the blackboard frame and tried a placement on the tshirt.

If you have any ideas, suggestions, critiques, please feel free to comment!!

Thank you!

nice and cool design!



can you help me with mine?

http://threadless.com/critique/51907/The_Girl

bump, any advices???

does it wrap around the shirt? or is it a hard edge there?

Well, it can be both...I was thinking of wraping it...but didn't know if I ha to cover the back with chalk formulas or just let the one that is on front continue on the back.

I think you have made good changes and I like the overall idea. The composition isn't quite working for me yet. The empty space at the top left corner of the shirt interupts the flow of the design and is a distraction I think.

Alright...

What if I put the date of the bulb invention on this area...as dates written on a board by teachers??

Definitely wrap it and I think you should just let whatever that's on the front continue on the back.

this has improved a lot! i don't know if a wraparound is neccesary but it wouldn't hurt. maybe you have some formula left for the upper left corner or some idea that got crossed out? i'm not sure if the date would look too good, but you can give it a shot...

The candle idea is still cool, but the different elements seem a it thrown together for me. You could try putting the main equation in a bubble too to add some weight to it.

Hey Don



I like the design where there is a candle above his head (very clever!) and I think it looks better that the blackboard is gone.



My only suggestion would be to put more emphasis on the candle as it looks a little lost amongst the doodles. How about putting colour into the flame? Oh and maybe naughts and crosses/tic tac toe somewhere? Even geniuses get bored too!!!!

Hi,

I added some colours to the candle flame to make it pop a little bit more.

I also added a formula on the high-left corner that was empty before that...I tried to put a date, but it didn't look good.

What do you think of this version???

Better, expecially with the color in the candle. Good job.

good work! chek mine out whan you have time thank you! :)

i think if you'll leave edison and the candle, the idea will be clear enough..



i think edison and the candle should be made with the same style.. now they are different...



edison looks really dim on the shirt.. he will be more present in the design if he'll have more light on him.. specially if the light on him will be the light coming from the candle...



good luck! :)

I like this alot :] In my opinion it's ready to submit!

Keep it up.



Critique my design? The Girl Version 2

I think you could leave out the top right equation or put it halfway hidden on the bottom. It's just a little distracting. I don't really like the dark black of the suit, it's really harsh compared to the rest of the design.

@Eric: I'm not sure of the equation on the right corner too...nevertheless, I agree with the previous critiques made saying that it was not OK to let this space empty.

I'm just trying to figure out what else I could put in this place.

Hello!

Getting closer to the final version thanks to your help!

I made some modifications on this one...with the shirt colour, the right corner formula as well as Edison colours (light changes on this one...)

Hope you will like it.

Thanks for your help and advices.

I really like this shirt! Great idea and way better than the first version! Please comment on my design. I need serious help to figure out where I'm going!

http://www.threadless.com/critique/51991/Geek_Love

Oh I like these yummy chalk lines! I see nothing I don't like!

love it

never saw edison in his young days

i will buy this shirt:)



could you check mine

http://www.threadless.com/critique/51817/BIG_BAND

If he's GETTING an idea so that the "bulb/candle" appears, he hasn't ALREADY HAD the idea and written it on the board.



So instead of Lightning + Filament = Bulb, you should allude to some progression to where a Bulb would come. Like, Lightning... + Filament..... =........ BING! candle-idea-over-head



In other words, what everyone has been saying all along: that the light bulb shouldn't be there, just alluded to.



For the other "discarded" equations on the board... are there Edison-specific equations you can use? Or equations that have to do with electricity?

Well, I changed the math formula to put an electrical scheme that was more linked to the subject.

What do you think of it?

I don't think I will get rid of the light bulb even if you're right saying that he shouldn't have the lightbulb already drawn at the moment the idea pop into its mind (I think this is only a detail).

Thank you for your critique, I think I'm almost done with this version.

wow. your work turned out realy good compared to the first submission. You´re definately done. I like it a lot!



crit me?

http://www.threadless.com/critique/52066/never_eat_yellow_snow

bump

make the writing a little thinker and make it look like chalk.



There is a distinct texture to chalk and im not seeing it.



otherwise it's good to go

Good idea, the edison bulb!

I will try to give it a try.

But maybe it would be too complicated?

This is great,, submit!

I don't know how this would look, but try making the gradient on the chalk a halftone to make it fit in with the style of how Edison is drawn.

Maybe it's too subtle for anyone to notice.



-----

http://www.threadless.com/critique/52121/

Really nice job

Here is a new try with Edison old bulb.

Can you tell me what is your prefer version between this one and the former version?

Thanks!!

I think it is better by adding names and dates, plus clothing top

@Insiddius, thank you for the idea and the comment.

@feili, my first versions used typography and I was advised not to put words on the design....I think it was a wise advice.



Any other advices on wether I should submit v12 or 13??

i think the wire on the inside of the bulb looks wierd, mostly because its different from the wiring right above it



critique mine:

http://www.threadless.com/critique/51991/Geek_Love

haha, very clever, I like this one a lot. Would love to see this printed. Nothing to critique this one on really. Much better than the previous versions.



give me some feedback too if you get the chance

http://www.threadless.com/critique/52231