Worth taking this forward?

Also, think the arms might be unnecessary?

erm? i dun get it..

It's based on the saying The Pen is mightier than the Sword - might be hard to see in the sketch, but the pen has a bandage/tape around it to look like a sword has cut it in half.

Bump

hmmm, as soon as i saw a pen and the sword speech bubble i realised the saying you were referencing, but it still took my a bit to put the whole thing together between the pencil and the pen. that may be because i noticed the bandage last and that could probably be solved once you ink it up and it becomes clearer. so yeah, just something to bear in mind when you are inking it - the bandage needs to be really clear!

thanks for your comments on mine!

i think it's a pretty neat idea.

oh, at this stage the arms are necessary - again only to make the bandage clear... may not be once the drawing is cleaner and clearer

Thanks for the comments.

Bump

Maybe the pen can be laying down cut in half, leaking. and the pencil could be shaking his fist in desperate rage.... STELLLLLLLAAAAARRRR

hey what do you think of this:

http://www.threadless.com/critique/43677/The_Original_Edit_Undo

maybe have one of the pen's arms in a sling?

and I think a trail of ink-blood, and ink-blood seeking into his bandage, would look very cool!

Thanks for the suggestion guys - I was thinking the same thing with the seeping ink, Ryan!

nice idea I'm waiting for the next sub

any comments on Pure ASCII Love and would you help me with my submission Run my Rabbit

Now in Technicolor!

(also with added blood/ink on the bandage)

What do you think?

Some subtle shading and shadows would be nice maybe an ink spot on the ground as if the pen has bled a little? Can you move the bubbles to the outside and move the pen and pencil closer together? All in all, pretty funny keep it up.

please crit mine
http://www.threadless.com/critique/43432/Lady_Thug

Thanks for the comments, the favour has been returned

make the pencil's sides all yellow except for black edges

I agree with ink on the ground, possibly a trail of ink.

And make the ink-blood on the bandage have a more "saturated" look - like the ink-blood has seeped through.

yeah i also think a little shading,
try giving the shaddows to ground them a bit so they don't look like they're floating

feel free to ad you cents worth
http://www.threadless.com/critique/43916/test_kittee

Thanks for the feedback guys

bump

haha! awesome! I agree, an ink blob would be good :D

Add some shading and vary the line thickness. Also I agree with the ideas of moving them closer and adding some blood. Funny concept!

Thanks guys. I'm just wondering whether I need the speech bubble coming from the pencil?

I think you could get rid of the pencil's speech bubble, and it would still be pretty evident what was going on. I would agree on adding shadows and maybe a drop or two of blood. The black shadow on the pencil is really distracting. Maybe use a halftone or the same cross-hatching you used on the pen for the shaded area of the pencil instead.

haha! cool idea! I think you can definitely get rid of the speech bubble and add some inky blood.

Great critiques guys, thanks.

Nice idea I think you got what you need for v2, I'll be checking it out when it pops up! cheers!

If you're going for the "pen is mightier than the sword" adage, which I think you are (if I'm wrong, sorry! ignore this!) I might change a couple of things.. 1, maybe make the pen a little more bruised-up looking yet triumphant, and in his talk bubble, perhaps a "dead" (defeated) sword.. then maybe the pencil could lose its speach bubble, and instead be sort of clamping his hands over (where his) mouth (would be), expressing horrified shock :)

Pseudofemme, I'm basing the design on that saying, but turning it round to say that an actual pen isn't going to do so well in a fight with a sword - thanks for the comment :)

I think its a great idea :)
I think the pen should be raging more. Maybe put some comic book curse words, like "!@£%^&*^%$£@!!
And have both of his little fists up raging!

Thanks Bonnie :)

It's CUTE!

Thanks Emily

what if you use a band aid instead of a bandage? it may be easyer to get I think...

Thanks Santo - I think this deserves more time and effort, so I'm noting all suggestions for when I can give it some further thought.