A "Joy of Text" WIP.



What do you think?

i like the design very much, but i don't get what the text has to do with it.

I think it's great, but needs work. i think you need a spider in there, and should have it above an empty pig pen. also, some of the letters are a bit hard to see, perhaps make them a tad thicker.



also, all those dew drops just seem to complicate the image. maybe just put in a couple.



also, and don't go overboard with this, but sparkle or shimmer ink for the web might just be a cool idea.

and i would suggest a different title.

maybe "Charlotte's Web of Deception", or Charlotte's Revenge" or something.

steph, It's from the children's book "Charlotte's Web" where a spider, Charlotte, befriends a pig and spins messages in her web above the pig's head to get people to think he's special and stop thinking about eating him.



I'm wondering if this is going to work now. I can't really go along with every shirt and explain in. I'll wait and see how it goes.



Thanks for the input.

Thanks Bio-bot, it's been awhile, glad to hear from you.



I was hoping to carry this off without an illo (pig, pig sty, barn, etc.) because it's a typography comp. It might very well need a spider and the rest to convey the message. More readable is no problem and that was my first dew drop attempt so I went a bit crazy with it.



Thanks.

I guess I need the pig so that more people get this. What do you think?

I like version 1 better, but with less water droplets.



Either you get the joke, or you don't, and if you don't, then an illustration of a pig isn't going to help. I assume most people at least know what bacon is.

Thanks super



I don't know? Charlotte always spun her message above the pig, so this might help viewers better connect to their memory of the story.



Pig or no pig? Anyone else?

keep the pig and add the water to the message above it?

But if the pig isn't there, then it means that she was successful.

I got it without the pig. I imagine if I had seen someone wearing it, and didn't know the title, I would think to myself "Why is something about bacon written in that web", and then I would think of the only other place I have ever seen something written in a web, and then I would go "Aha!", and then I would laugh and think that it was clever. And then I would move on. Like now.

Or....I just thought of something. Maybe have a nervous pig under the web...trying to knock it down with a rake or hoe...something farmy.

Thanks banana, I thought the dew drops added to it but I went a bit overboard.



super, yeah, that was my original thinking, read the message, see the web, put it together.



Geez, I don't know, anyone else?

I vote no pig, a few drops, and the origional colors from V1. I got it right away, no pig needed :)

Yeah, thanks garcia. My gut is saying go with just the web and put a lot more work into it but I'm hopping to hear from others.



Pig or no pig, anyone else?

Bump for comment about pig or no pig?

Different web, fewer drops.



I'm thinking about adding a pig looking up with bulging cartoon eyes but I'm still liking the original idea of just letting the viewer put it together as supertrooper74 so eloquently put it in V2



" I imagine if I had seen someone wearing it, and didn't know the title, I would think to myself "Why is something about bacon written in that web", and then I would think of the only other place I have ever seen something written in a web, and then I would go "Aha!", and then I would laugh and think that it was clever."



Comments PLEASE, PLEASE!

This is good now. Really good.

Ditto what super said. This looks good!



I vote no pig.

spider pig?



Love Ballon

Frappuccino

Compute Commands in Love

Zoom Zoom

I also don't think you need the pig. The joke comes across without it, at least to anyone who has read CHARLOTTE'S WEB. Which is a lot of people.



Definitely submit this, it's great.

Looks great!



Letting the viewer put together the connection of Charlotte's web and the pig is the charm of your work....no pig

Thanks super, Lyft, dbrv11, and A.M., looks like doing without a pig is winning out.



@Martin, sorry, "spider pig?" WTF? So, if I visit your 4 crits, you've so kindly linked, and asked you a WTF question are we even?

Bump for comments

i wouldnt go the text route if this was my design. i would draw a piece of bacon and put it into the web. then have the spider holding a piece that has broken off. or simply a spiders leg reaching into the design. it would give the design more depth as well. thanks, hope i helped and check out mine if you could



http://www.threadless.com/critique/34230/The_Nurse

I like it as it is without the pig, its good that it makes you think about the reasoning behind it

there'll be some charlotte's web fans out there who NEED this shirt

^ but neverending the story is that she spun words into the web, having bacon on it wouldnt fit the concept so much

I would say that Charlotte's Web fans wouldn't be able to manage more than a feeble smirk at the irony of the statement. For the sake of the critique, however, I found the asymmetry of the original design better, but the lettering is better in this version. I'd also make the droplets smaller. Good luck!

@TheNeverending, I was hopping to sub this in "The Joy of Text" loves competition, so I'm trying to avoid any visual other than text, but a spider or one of its parts is something to consider.



@brentendo, thanks man, I'm counting on Charlotte web fans or just Charlotte-aware viewers to help this design score well.



@jaz999, I understand and appreciate your "asymmetry" criticism and I'm going to alter the design as a result. I do agree that asymmetry is more challenging to the eye and as a result, less boring than symmetrical designs. As far as, "I would say that Charlotte's Web fans wouldn't be able to manage more than a feeble smirk at the irony of the statement.", I would have to disagree. No evidence to support me, just a gut feeling that seeing it and getting it would make Charlotte-aware viewers smile.



Thanks for the great input everyone, I do appreciate it.

haha, i like this :)



not a charlotte fan but i can appreciate it :)

hah! i immediately laughed when i saw this. its funny and ironic. my only suggestion is possibly adding a spider on the web, or dangling on a string above to it? its a really great idea though.





let me know if you have some advice, please.

http://www.threadless.com/critique/34288/Thought_Bubble_Gone_Wild

yes! its absolutely great!

please impart some of your design expertise on me =]

critique

I added a bit of wave to it so it looks a little more like it's floating and is not so symmetrical. I don't know, it seems it needs something?

Charlotte smiling on the back shoulder? haha Or maybe a scared Wilbur on the back.

what could be kind of cool is the addition of the spider in invisible, glow in the dark ink?



or just as is... looks real good! no pig, no bacon or any of that

Westicles, canadian, interesting suggestions.



Thanks, I'm going to take a look at both. Do you think the spider should be done realistically, graphically or more of a caricature/cartoon/?

in the same style as what you have now

OK, I added a 4th strand to "BACON" so it's more readable and a pig shape to the center of the web and varied the drops a bit more.



Better you think?

i love this one it's great and totally understandable

Great solution! Submit!

this is awesome!

The addition of the pig in the web was really good. I'd say you don't need to change anything, but you probably will, and it will probably look better.

Thanks all.



@super, thanks for your advice to keep this web/type centric and simple.



Adding a pig in the web was a suggestion from EricDiaz, (a really good designer and very helpful critic), in the blog that I put up on this design.

I meant to ask, Should I add a spider. canadianbever suggested a glow in the dark spider. What do you think?

Slow day, bumping for comments =]

I wouldn't add a spider because it looks pretty balanced the way you have it now. But, if you decide to anyway, I would not make it glow in the dark. Also, "everybody" and "loves" kind of run into each other. I can see that you wanted "loves" to fit in with that section of the web, but ultimately I think it would look better if you just moved the word over.

id say add the spider, take out the pig

also i liked how the earlier ones were more chaotic. this one feels too symmetric

also, wouldn't the strands on the bottom half droop down rather than up?

$5



Please critique mine:



http://www.threadless.com/critique/34489/Russian_roulette

@cezimo, thanks, good point. I think I can keep the letter "L" from going over the line towards the Y in "BODY" and create some separation without having to redraw the letters.



@cfboyd, I was hopping the up and down wave of the web would give it a feeling that it was rippling in the wind. Maybe not. As far as the spider vs. the pig, I'm feeling that the spider is cliché and/or expected, where as the pig is unexpected.



@cezimo and cfboyd, get an avatar. You don't want to be an anonymous gray box on an artist site. Express yourself =]

i say keep the pig...it looks a lot better with it.

Done.

And I agree with cfboyd on the spider issue. If you were to add it, I'd take away the pig. I can't tell you whether the pig or the spider is better, though.

Thanks boostr and ceizmo.



Yeah, I'm going with the pig, the spider is too usual/expected I think

Cezimo, Nice avatar =]

Yep, as long as love is separate, other than that, i think this is pretty much done.

hey so I updated my crit with colours, i was wondering if you could check it out.

I wouldn't worry about the spider, the pig is great in the center :)



I think a little space with loves might be worth a try as well. Just my 2cents....



Good job so far though! :)

Took me a minute. This is great.

I didn't notice this in your designs folder... did you not submit this yet? I love it! haaha and that's coming with someone from arachniphobia.... which is also why I'm kind of glad there is no actual spider on it. :P



I see what Flatlandgamer was saying about the space between Everybody and Loves, but it honestly didn't bother me. Maybe if you put "Loves" on the level underneath?



If you find some time away from making freekin awesome designs, I'd appreciate if you checked out my critiques. I'd love your imput.

very cute... placement?



I really appreciate all the fine advice you've given me so far. how about a little more?



Mr twister v13

haha yessss bacons



nice one



like the colours, prefect combination ( grey and that blue)

i would wear that

forgive me, but i don't get it?

hohoho.. charlottes web SPIN OFF. Great job. I'd quibble about the water droplets, i think they should hang more downwards rather than spherical, being affected by gravity and all. How about adding in a spider?



I don't know how many people on threadless know about charlottes web though.. heh.

i'm not familiair with charlottes web, but i see it has everything to do with pigs and web..



if you want to keep the pig in the middle of the web, it would be beter to use pig shape to start a web string... like starting them from his snout, ears and tail too.

same thing for the word "bacon" it's been put just on top of the web. it's looks better when it is incorparated in the web itself.

like with the N, the web doesn't continue through the N's diagonal?



would it be more readable, when "everybody" and "loves" where two lines? so "loves" on a inner ring?





how about some Animals On Safari?

Cool concept.

i like how the text kinda looks like bacon too. belt print maybe? thanks for all your comments by the way! you rock!

But nobody loves this design. Please try again.

Thanks for the input Vent, very helpful. Also, this was on page 36 or something like that, which means you took the time to search my profile for any critiques I had up. So, I have to think you're a devotee of mine and I appreciate that. Apt first letters in your name btw.

LOL

I love your last version :D

am interested in seeing what you do with the placement of it

I think this one's ready. Very clever and also very true.



got another sec?

http://www.threadless.com/critique/43155/Step_Off#v5

great concept - i think it looks great. i agree with K, very true!! mmm....bacon

did you give up on this one quister? I like it a lot :-p

this is not subbed yet? i think the pig is much more unexpected than the spider, and i like it as it is, i would like to see how it works on a 3d model , on tee, especially in size/placement. but nice concept ;)

i have high hopes for this design! love the idea alot! great stuff

funy

Thanks all :)



TTU, yeah I wasn't working on it at all, but now it seems to be getting some attention even though I wasn't promoting it. I'll put it on a tee and sub another V today and see what happens. Cheers!

Great, I love this! Can't wait to vote on it. Good luck!

Thanks db, I'm putting up a placement right now.

OK, I moved the L in LOVES so it reads better and put it on a tee. Any other comments suggestions welcome. Thanks =]

Wow. That is incredibly creative! I checked out all the progress pics. I think this is ready to go!

nice man

love the line art

have you tried it on another colord tee?

i'd really appreciate your opinion

haha...yay! Glad to see you are working on it again :) Only thing that seems like it needs attention(being nit picky, and more just thowing it out there) is the water droplets. Not really sure waht it is...perhaps fewer, and varying the sizes a bit more? They just don't seem quite "natural" enough yet too me.



This is similar to what I'm kinda trying to say..there are some large droplets, but also some tiny little baby ones too...might give just a bit of randomness to it all :)



Like i said..that's not really a big deal, and I don't think it's something that you have to kill yourself over if you don't feel like it...just something I thought I'd throw out there for ya' :)

Yeah, TTU, maybe too many similar in size and maybe not as translucent as they could be. I'll try some changes tomorrow. Thanks man!

Damn you, you nearly made me spit ginger ale all over my keyboard. I love it.

Any time :) Looking forward to the next version!

I love it x3

OK, I looked at a photo of a wet spider web that TTU linked and the droplet sizes varied quite a bit. So, I put in more drop sizes. Is it too much?



Also, I've got a design up for scoring (2 more days), please comment/score if you get the chance.

score



BTW ArticChicken, your comment was the best :P

Ah :) I the varriedness already seems to be helping...perhaps it's not that there are too many, but rather they overall are all just too large? Perhaps lower the scale of ALL of them, but keep the varying sizes going. Also, perhaps to give them a transparent look, u could use halftones to create the droplet? Not really sure if that would work? I've never really used halftones successfully...so I'm not much help in that regard :-p

i'll be glad to scoring your work:)



pls critique mine here

OK, reduced the sizes of the drops and made them more translucent. I'm not sure I can get the drops to look any more real unless I go to Photoshop and that would need to be printed using simulated process printing. Right now it's just two color counting the gradient. What do you think?

Bump

I think it looks great! Just that little adjustment made it read a lot better I think :) Not really sure what else you could do to it at this point :)

very very nice



Check mine:

The Long Arm(s) of the Law???

Thanks TTU, VVolf, Anyone else? Check V7 for the placement.

I love this. Great concept, great illustration. Have you considered using something like foil printing or the metallic ink to heighten that dew-sparkling-in-the-morning-light look?

submit, you have made some great changes over the past few versions, it works well.



critique me please.

nasmo, I'm not sure the foil works well on a gradation. You've got me thinking though, the metallic clear could be really cool. Thanks!

it's great. i think you can submit it.



If you can give me some feedback on it, i will be very glad. ;-)

good improvement. I'm liking the more uniforme look of the web. Submit for sure



BearGrillz

:) thanks all!



Anyone else, I'm still open to suggestions before I submit? Title suggestions would be cool, I'm not in love with this one. Cheers!

funny

I think a couple of dew drops on the lettering could help, but it might also make them stand out less....so I guess you just have to see what it looks like. Other than that this looks great. Ha, I'm terrible with titles so can't help you there. Submit! Good luck!

Thanks for the comments.

looks good to go man

After those modify, it is really good now! go!

Dude! Congrats on the print! It was a great idea. This one looks all set too. It has my vote!



If you get a chance, can you give me your thoughts on Sweeney Toad ? Thanks!

Have you subbed this one yet?

i think the dew drops are a bit offputting and im not sure why. but its a great concept.

No jnj, I put it on the back burner while working on "Song Bird". To tell you the truth, I'm not so sure about this one. Still thinking about it I guess. It's all vector right now (2 colors and a gradient) and I could go to a simulated process print, I know I can make the dew drops look spectacular if I do. And the big question, I guess, is how many scorers are dying to wear the words, "Every body loves bacon", on their chest? :P

Also jnj, you never answered my question I left on your "hot chicks..." critique. Cheers!

Niiice! I like it! It's funny... But I do think you should make the bubbles on the lines shiny. But it's not even imperative! This is awesome!

Edo Crunk! Getcho' Samurap on!

I think the question is really, how many people AREN'T dying to wear the words "Everybody loves bacon" on their chest?



Because, seriously. Everybody loves bacon.

rofl i love it.

great concept, very funny



check mine?

http://www.threadless.com/critique/45991/E_tu_Crouton_The_Assassination_of_Caesar_Dressing

i do love bacon and i love this shirt so simple and beautiful, long time since ive see a clean design awesome!!

wow it's cool... but for me the word "bacon" is not as readable as the words "every body loves" .... but i love it .... Submit!



Please see my design and give your opinion :)



http://www.threadless.com/critique/45855/Ugly_Duckling



Thx

Awesome! Sub itttttt =]

I love idea and think you should submit, but with small corection: reshape the drops, make it more greasee and heavy on the web. Cheers!

cool!!