This is just a draft...



The design is gonna be structured like a comic strip, as you can see - or, to be more exact, IF you can see, 'cause I must admit this is not the clearest draft ever, lol!



The prototype of the chatacters are those you see, and any comments on how I should get them better will be very much appreciated :)))



Moreover..Any advice about the queen/wife balloon? I'm not sure this is the best sentence possible...mumble mumble...



Thanx in advance!



Chiara***

They look more like Mr. and Mrs. Joe six pack, drop the king & queen reference





Look here

http://www.threadless.com/critique/26285/Bucket_of_Longnecks_redux

What's Mr and Mrs Joe six pack?



Anywayz, the characters are pawns....

if youre going to put it on a shirt (which you are)

you might want to make the white space transparent

Thanks, brooxmetro, I will :)

Hey thanks for your comment!

Im sorry but since your only at the draft stage, Its hard to critique it.

But I find it funny! Love the king character :)

very cute, can't wait to see the finished version

I like the idea, but I'd change two things: 1) the punchline should be the last frame (as this is a comic), and 2) a bit of condensing, it's a long read for a t-shirt right now. Perhaps..?

Nice. I'd agree though, it is a bit long read...

ok really got potentail and i think the final version would look great cant wait to c it

so your the girly girl with the chess toonz hu.

saw this yesterday and was about ta comment.



well like were the concept is going but not sure about the text.

it needs more punchline. but lest see v2..



CHEERZ

Love the king character and how he looks so sad and helpless. I think yea - it's def worth it to keep working on this and I think it has alot of potential. I don't even know if y ou need the 'checkmate' text - just seeing him knocked over then the next pane should be explanation enough.

Shouldn't it read "you always let others walk over you" instead? I'd really have to see more to be able to crit this properly.

it is different, i like it,

maybe a shorter text like "Dont be a push-over, man!"

maybe white on a balck t-shirt?

i am sure it will llok cool once it is finished.

good luck!

Thank you very much for the comments, I'm gonna upload the second version in a few mins :)

This is the second version of the design. It's clearer and less "drafty", so I hope you find it easier to critique it.



I tried to put the punchline at the end and took care of the first part, which was actually absent in the first version.



Some of you told me to remove the "checkmate" at the beginning, but as now I structured the strip in a lil bit different way, I put it forward again.



I also redefined a lil bit the characters' features, trying to make them someway bold.



As regards the last balloon, I like the "Dont be a push-over, man!" suggested by Monya in the prev version, but I read it too late, so tell me what you think would be best, if the one I put in this version or Monya's.



Leave me as many comments as possible! Thanks alot :)

(I noticed in this precise moment that I forgot to put the crown on the king's head in the first two frames lol! I'll set it right in the next version!)

***There must have been a prob on the website and it pened a third BLANK version of my design....this is the second, again...***





This is the second version of the design. It's clearer and less "drafty", so I hope you find it easier to critique it.



I tried to put the punchline at the end and took care of the first part, which was actually absent in the first version.



Some of you told me to remove the "checkmate" at the beginning, but as now I structured the strip in a lil bit different way, I put it forward again.



I also redefined a lil bit the characters' features, trying to make them someway bold.



As regards the last balloon, I like the "Dont be a push-over, man!" suggested by Monya in the prev version, but I read it too late, so tell me what you think would be best, if the one I put in this version or Monya's.



Leave me as many comments as possible! Thanks alot :)



-------------



(I noticed in this precise moment that I forgot to put the crown on the king's head in the first two frames lol! I'll set it right in the next version!)

Hmmm, I don't know if I really got this. I mean I get the chess reference but I feel like there is a joke somewhere and it has gone over my head.

nice on white! Submit on white.

I think you can do this design as a full design, only one image, and not like tha strip. Maybe you can draw the entire table and make focus at the queen and king.

agree with leandro.. just a queen with the king drop dead, maybe make it more chess piece-like



also http://www.threadless.com/critique/20844/Neat_Check_out_mine



so you may not get rude comments in the future.. have fun with ur design :)

Agree with Arrowo8 submit white and make it bigger

i agree with leandro too. seeing the whole board would add more substance to the design.

please don't spam.

Hey critique mine!!!!!!!!

Hmm i agree with nodz , probably can try to make the comic strip more interesting, the more impt frame bigger? Mavel alike style. More dynamic.



Just a thought for you to look into :)

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