Whoops! I accidently deleted my former critique. So here\'s the new version. Let me know what you think!

hmmm. great. the only thing i dislike are the clouds.

You could have different alternating line weights, but then it might change the style and feel just a bit. I like it.

It seems a little busy to me, but I suppose its needed in the background to force the airplane to fly as he is. Another thing I noticed was you could change the path just a little bit so its more of a realistic path the airplane would take (such as at the top of the "O" or bottom left corner of the "H". But I'm not sure how this change would affect the readability of the shirt.

yea i like the idea. i like stuff tobe simple too. the only part that looks a little weird is the tornado and the lightning bolts coming down. neat idea!

i think u should sumbit it

Thanks for the suggestions! Nelson, I totally get what you're saying, but I was trying to have the plane write in cursive. So if you look closely at the 'h', 'o', and 'a', the plane spiraled around and forward. Although it looks too sharp to be possible, it's actually the plane coming forward. Maybe I could draw that in more clearly in the smoke.

Offer this on a yellow T! A part of my really likes how its all scrunched together (gives it more of a "woah" factor) but I think I would really like to see the "woah" a LOT bigger, with some more objects spaced around it (a little farther spread out).

I like it but I'd lose the eyes on the clouds.

Crit back?
threadless.com/critique/18485/Disco_Despair

id say the only thing i still REALLY dislike is the tornado. looks like a drill.

but i really love the idea.

here are mine if you have any interest:
1st
2nd

i think the two clouds are a bit strange You could probably get away with one...but both?
I love th alien in there, and was trying to think of other thing you could put in... maybe a stork with a bundle? I dunno....
Also, I love the idea of it being busy, but since it's pretty small it looks a bit strange with a very plain shirt. Maybe stretch it vertically?

I don't really like the torando on the cloud, but other than that I think it's great!

Thank you for the comments! Does it not look like a tornado? Should I make it more simple and cartoony?

Yes. Make the tornado more simple and cartoony, and I think you've got a submission!

For this one, I changed the tornado to make it fit with the style of everything else and added a tiny highlight on the plane. The color you see on this one is faded because I "saved for web" on Photoshop. The final print colors (if it happens) will be like the first version. Please tell me what you think!

lose the tornado put rain the same style as the lightning ....

I agree with jback. I think rain could look better.

are you set on having the scene be in a cloud-like bubble? i think it might not hurt to try something else. other than that i really like it and think it is almost ready for submission

awesome. I agree with the rain comment. but this is done, Son!
great stuff

Alright, thanks everyone! I'll take note and make changes.

It's a lot better with the rain.

That's pretty damn cool. Nice job, I think it's ready to go.

Okay, thanks! Any other suggestions?

Awsum!!! Another masterpiece. Thumbs Up!! How'd u come up with this one?

This looks really great. I think you addressed all the other suggestions well. Can't think of anything I'd readily change.

coool