i made a new critique because i thought the old one was getting too long and most of the versions there didn\'t show significant growth. more like just my frustrations.



so i really need help with color.

oh and the bird on grey could really be any color. i think a cyan kind of blue could work well.

i prefer the grey one, the note path stands out more, maybe it has more life than the yellow one.. although saying that the yellow one isn't invasive and it's easy to look at.. tough choice you have there.



If you get a chance would you mind giving me some feedback.



Click HERE

http://www.threadless.com/critique/13278/Scatter



i don't know how to link yet obviously..., actually, i prefer the yellow one, but maybe add one more colour?

I like it better on the yellow - not crazy about the gradiet, I think it is better without.

sounds like people are leaning toward yellow. anyone else?

I'm leaning towards the Yellow. But i feel it's missing something, but can't really figure it out, dunno maybe it's just me

should i sub it?

Sub it fosho.

Like it, really good with the perspective and the whole idea but the bird looks like its barfing.

i was afraid of that actually. perhaps i will try to fix that.

It doesn't look like barf to me, but it does have a sort of bird destroying the city by powerfully evil bursts of song feel to it :-P

because of the splatter and paint look you added to the "breath" coming from the bird it now looks like it has a liquid (barf) quality instead of air. other than that i love it

well. atleast its musical barf.



does the barf look have to do with the way it comes from the mouth? that i could fix. however i'm kind of attatched to the liquid look.

no i don't think it has to do with how it's coming out of the mouth, it's definitely the splattery look to it. it might also have something to do with the color, it just looks thick and liquidy. i think you should go for a more airy or breathy quality. like wind blowing through the city. it would fit with the whole design much better.

yeah thats what i wanted. breathy. i tried to make it wispy looking. i don't know how to achieve a less liquid look. to me it doesn't look splattery. i could use some more opinions on whether or not it looks liquid.

The bird should be singing its Disney balls off.

http://www.threadless.com/critique/13551/Alpha_Better

^ i don't really know what that means.

Definitely looks liquid and splattery. It has to do with the density of the light yellow color behind the music and...it swirls around like a liquid. And the smaller notes at the edges look more like splatters. Try using just the staff lines to give the pathway shape...currently they are almost lost in the light background. That should relieve the design of the impression of barfy liquid and instead seem light and airy.

The bird should be flying through the city. That would be a really big tree he's sitting on. I like the art design.

I think some of the visual problem stems from the thickness of the breath/song/possibly barf. Make it more slender and graceful looking, the variations from thin to thick more gradual, may fix your probs.

okay, so the shape of the white swirly stuff is slightly more graceful, and is also a yellower color so hopefully looks less thick. if it still looks like barf, well....atleast is some really strong projectile musical barf.



i also realized that the thumbnail REALLY looks like the bird is barfing. oops.



also, obviously i added feathers. do you like them?

oh and what do you think about an optional feather printed on the back or the shoulder?

oh wow! This is really lovely! I love the yellow, but the gradient rainbow in V1 isn't too shabby either.

V3 is the best, and I am all for an optional feather printed on the back or the shoulder!

really nice design :)

thanks nik!



i guess the big question is....does it still look gross and liquidy?

gross? no. and I didn't even see it as liquidy until you posted that....

Maybe make it a bit tiny still, coming out of the birds mouth?

* tinier

i love it...it kinds looks like the bird is puking music!! like nik said...make it 'tinier' and it should be spot on..



love it though :)

gorgeous movement in this one, nice work.

think that's really nice. think the colours sit really well on the yellow

haha, ok in the last version everyone thought it looked barfy.

i heard that if a bird poo's on you it's good luck?



what if it vomits...? :)

think the "tinier" start for the music would fix the barfyness - maybe only one or two lines of the staff at first. not to be cranky about the yellow (it's lovely) I think the grey is more what the city is like without music/nature. I also kinda liked the gradient in ver1 and that it ended with the same color as the bird. am I being too cheesy?

ahh msdunleavy, yeah thats why i liked the grey version too! but it seems a majority likes the yellow, so...

oh and thanks for all the amazing feedback everyone. i love good feedback.

This is looking good! I like the colors. (I also think the grey version wasn't bad, but this one's even better and more original).



And yeah, in the previous versions it kind of looked like barf, but it doesn't anymore. I like that you kept the splatter, but made it lighter, so that it seems more "airy" now. Like music : )





Another idea I've just been having: I think this might look cool in a "night" version as well. You know, darker background and a lighter bird (same color scheme: dark blue / yellow bird). But only as an alternate version (girls / boys tee), cause this is looking sweet already :)

nice job.

I still think the lines coming out of the mouth could use work.

all of the lines don't have to start in the same place, you could stagger them, then you could also make them less straight out of the mouth. A little wavy at the beginning.. sounds waves would be more intense in the beginning... and longer and looser towards the end...



btw... a bird pooped on my dress during my wedding. I've be happily married ever since!

i really like it

but I also like the rainbow colours more in the v1

with a lighter color the background stuff behind the lines looks WAY better. i also love the feather you added

love the feathers and the background behind all the white although it looks much brighter where the white lines are close together...maybe play with the shades a bit to even it out?. i really liked the rainbow option too.

I like the faded ends of the stream of song (as opposed to the all-solid V2), but the drawback is that the musical notes are a little harder to see now. From any distance of more than a few feet, I suspect it's going to look like the bird is just blowing wind.



I wonder what it would look like if the notes were in the same blue as the bird -- which would also let you put them in the parts of the stream inside the city, I think -- but then you'd probably want to lose the feathers, so they didn't conflict with the notes. (Or you could keep both, I suppose, if the notes were a different color.)

I hope that you have submitted this one already. It's beautiful.