Kill yourself!

nice one. but leave out the type..its not necessary

wrong knife for harakiri. read the far king manual )

interesting, try it w/o the text?

They use "tantō" (short sword) for this purpose. It is a common Japanese single or, occasionally, double edged knife or dagger with a blade length between 15 and 30 cm. U can read more about it at wikipedia.

Without text.



I know this is not the real knife but I think the real knife doesn't traspass the body of the samurai so I think blood looks better with this one. I also can submit new version with a smaller knife and you could tell me if design works.



Thank you for all your comments :)

I don't know if it's just me but I can't quite make out what's going on in his body, maybe more definition in that area given that there's a lot of negative space work in there, also maybe try making the flowers coming out look more like blood, just my opinion, I think it's a good idea but it needs work



On the positive side I like how it looks on the black shirt well balanced



Comments on my design are also appreciated



http://www.threadless.com/critique/13302/Octo_Puss



thank you

Well, samurai it's in the common position, sitting over his legs like all japanese...

Maybe I have to draw a simple shadow on her legs? I'll try it.



Thanks!

This is very cool. I really like how the colors pop on black. I happen to know what harakari (spelling?) is so i know what the design would sort of look like and i really like how you took a suicidal act and turned it into something a little more elegant. The branches kind of take the violence from the work.



On the downside I would not want to wear a shirt with someone committing suicide on it no matter how elegant it was. This is just my personal opinion and I still like the overall design. It's just not my cup of tea.



Nice job and keep it up!

I'll try to smooth the samurai... new version is coming!



Critiques are appreciated :)

Smoothest samurai.



Any suggestion will be appreciated.

I've thought something new... what about putting "Kill yourself, practice Harakiri" on the back of the shirt? Top left shoulder on the back.



What do you think? Threadless allows print on the back?



Thanks for comment :)

It would be more popular with butterflies.

butterflies instead of the current blood?



Seems nice... :)

give it a shot :P

Ok, I'm trying it.

New version is coming! :D



Thanks for your suggestions

Ahaha butterflies!



What's the name of that design again (girl blowing her brains off)?

Try varying your lines, darks and lights, so there's a rhythm to the piece. Maybe a black outline, white interior for the blade. It might make the stabbing more convincing. Try putting the hand further up over the handle so you can see the white of the blade entering. You could add red to the tip of the sword so the red design flows from it. White with thin black lines for the obi (sash) would add variety of line and tone. I don't think the grey is helping, maybe keep it B&W. Finally, I'm thinking you did this in photoshop, you might redraw it in illustrator so the drawing is crisp/defined instead of fuzzy.



SmasSve's butterfly suggestion is a good one. Very surprising, I get the idea that his soul has been released. Red birds might work as well. Maybe the tail of the first bird is the blood on the tip of the sword with the body, wings, head leaving the tip?



Sorry to go on but I think the concept is a good one, very mysterious and intriguing and so, the drawing should be on the same level. I hope this helps, I might have gone overboard with the suggestions.

it needs to look more like he's kneeling, at first i was gonna say draw his legs cause they look cut off but then i remembered they do this while kneeling down. i also like quisters suggestion of red birds, that would be awesome and almost poetic. i think boys would be put off by butterflies (at least i would).

Well, now with butterflies.



Hope you like. Any suggestions are appreciated and thanks!

aw that sucks i just left a comment about the butterflies and then you posted this one, haha. well my vote was for red birds, but this actually looks kinda nice. my biggest complaint is that it doesn't look like he's kneeling, it looks like he was standing and you drew a line straight across. if someone was kneeling on the floor in a flowing robe that line wouldn't be so straight. just an observation but i like it so far, it's a great idea.

@quister:



Thank you very much for your suggestions, I like what you're saying and yes, maybe birds looks more 'comfortable' to boys than butterflies :)



I'll try these new things :)

@jpeacockdesign:

I'll try the birds design! I'm working on it ;)



Thank you!

Nice overall work. I think switching to birds is a good idea too.

I don't know how you would solve it (because the hand is the color of the shirt) but right now it looks like the hand is on the blade itself instead of the on the hilt.

Then again I could just be seeing things.

def not butterflies....it looks too much like that really popular one of the girl shooting herself...

I'm working on the birds idea and drawing more details on the samurai to look better.

it looks good to me, anyway it's very graphical so the lack of realism like the rode, it dosen't really matter so much to me.



I like the black tee very version. Good job :)



http://www.threadless.com/critique/13033/Baby_Godzilla

New version with birds.

I've detailed better the samurai adding some details like hair and blood on sword.

I've also changed the slogan, maybe i?ll put it on the back of the shirt.



Comments are appreciated and thank you for it :)

much better with the details you've added. I like that you replaced the butterflies, but I'm still not sure of the birds...maybe it's just the type. Have you considered using something like cranes?

i think it's a good idea, bu more details on the samurai will be better ;)

ĄMe encanta! Lo único, que haría la gota esta de la punta más corta, subiría unp oco el pájaro y pondría que saliera de la cola más que del ala. ;)

@Lhiiiz, cranes? I can't understand you... as Smurfa says, I think I could improve the connection bird-blood...



@Néhérénia more details? I think more details will destroy the minimal concept of the shirt :)



@Smurfa, ok! voy a probarlo pero creo que la espada molestará...

that's because i saw the first version of your design :D la ultima me parece muy bien :)

@NéHérénia ok no problem :) Gracias!

the samurai is looking much better! but i agree lhiiiz about the birds. from the shape they look kinda like seagulls

I think the placement should be at the bottom of the shirt since he's kneeling and maybe add more birds flying up to the top

cranes, like the birds...here:

Hmmm, can you not post an image in critique? Well, here's what I mean



http://gallery.photo.net/photo/1709110-md.jpg



http://gallery.photo.net/photo/1709110-md.jpg

@jpeacockdesign thanks for reply :)

@Baja318 maybe if I'll put it on the bottom, birds will go from bottom to the top, is this what you want to say?



Thanks for all :)

@Lhiiiz I don't like this kind of bird a lot... sorry but they don't fit on my original idea but thank you for your suggestion!

To each his own! Looking forward to seeing what you do with it! :)

Exactly, I think It would be a much nicer composition.

Because, I know he's kneeling, but at first glance it just looks cut-off, because he looks like he's floating because of the placement....if he were at the bottom it would make more sense to me - it would ground him.

@Lhiiiz thanks! :) it's my first design and I'm still a newbie...

@Baja318, yeah I know what you want to say, another posibility is draw some shade or ground under samurai but respecting the position. I'll try it ;)

I think the samurai is awesome but I should warn you about the birds...you may want to go back to your swirls or butterflies. I've got a design up in Voting right now (that is bird-centric) and I received a few comments from people saying they're sick of seeing birds. Thought you might like the heads up :-D

Much better, really looks like he's impaling himself now. I think you need to lighten up on the title (that's just me) because the illo is so deadly serious. Something like, "Haraki for whatever ails you.", or "Ask your doctor about haraki.", or "Put an end to bad breath.", or "Stops headaches fast". These would set up the front of the shirt in a more humorous way and be more surprising when you get to the front.



It's very hard to see the graphic, too small. And I would suggest that you put the tail of the first bird on the tip of the sword rather than coming from the blood drip. Right now it's a bit forced, doesn't seem to flow or from the drip. Maybe if the drip morphed into the bird.



Lhiiiz has a point. Cranes are an icon of Japanese culture and would be more recognizable and relevant to your narrative. You might also look at Japanese symbols (Kanji) that mean soul, or spirit, or something like that to use as a graphic element, (water- mark kind of background) to add interest and anchor the graphic. There's a sample at the site below.



Anyway it's really coming along, every V gets better and better.



http://you-sho.com/tags/keyword

@MrsWicked Thanks for your advice! :)

@quister Cranes gets simbolism to the design now that I know it's important to the japanese culture.



I've tried to put some ground but it doesn't convince me... I think I don't put it but in the next version I'll show you and I hope you give me your suggestion :) (do you see that Baja318? :P )



So, thanks to all for the replies, I'm working on it! :)

New version with cranes.

I also put some ground under samurai but it doesn't convince me a lot :/



I've put bigger preview to see the details. As always... thanks for suggestions :)

ĄMe encanta! En serio, genial genial :D queda de muerte con los pájaros estos. A lo mejor cambiaba una tontería: los dos pájaros pequeņicos del principio, cambiar un poco el tamaņo del más alejado de la espada xD una tontería. Está genial feo

Doing awesome. I don't really see anything that I can give you advice or a suggestion to work on with the design. Personally I think I would prefer just Practice Haraki for the txt, I mean the image is pretty self explanatory right?

I agree with Smurfa, the size of the birds farthest away may look better smaller. Probably need to add one or two to keep it looking balanced if you do

Nice shirt. Reminds me the one with the gun suicide but it's good also !! :) go ahead!

@Smurfa Thanks amor!

@jkgarcia28 thanks a lot! I don't know if I'll put the text on the back, actually the text is only decorative :)

these birds look a ton better! everything's looking really good except that reflection you have underneath him. having a shadow is a good idea but what you have right now makes it look like he's sitting on glass or shiny metal. i think i like it with no text. another thought i had, and this might be a little much, i think it would be cool if you had blood splatter in the back everywhere like kill bill style that then forms the birds.



just my opinion some people might consider that too graphic :=/

I really like it on black, i think its good to go.

@jpacockdesign yeah, reflection don't feels me a lot... I think I'll try something different or just let it go. Blood behind samurai looks very graphical and loses the concept... IMHO



Thank you!

really good

TRIVIA FYI: The term 'harakiri' is offensive in Japan. The proper term for a samurai's ritual suicide is 'seppuku.'

hi there, i have a suggestion for your shirt:



try raven instead of cranes. raven symbolize the trasition from life to death and would make good sense here :)

Looking good man. I agree with the birds diminishing in size as they leave the proximity of the sword. His spirit oozing away into the heavens. Maybe the sword tip, just the tip, should be red at the top as well as the bottom and lower the first bird a bit for a smother transition from blood to bird.



Try flowing the robe out more as if it were covering his legs and draping/spilling on to the floor. It would lessen the abrupt end to the figure and you wouldn't need a shadow, the robe would anchor it.



Anyway, It's coming along beautifully, the idea is now getting it's due through the much improved execution. Sorry for the pun. ;)

nonono keep the cranes, cranes ar traditional japans symbols of beauty, it goes wonderfully with the samurai

sorry my 'e' button sucks

the text ruins this shirt for me...



just remove it all together...the font's kinda lame anyway. sorry.

looks good, and I don't think the text is actually on the shirt.

The text is not on the shirt is it? If it is, I agree with RR.

looks great. i like the shadow for weight.

would look bloody good with the birds mixed with heavy bloodspray. http://www.threadless.com/critique/13551/Alpha_Better

Pretty! It is quite reminiscent of "Flowers in the Attic" but that was an awesome shirt, and this is an awesome design. I want it!

I like the cranes much better, have you thought about combining the cranes with the floral design?

Hey! Good morning to all, thank you for comments!! :)



The text is not a part of the design, I was thinking about it but definetly I don't put it.

The part I don't like of the design is the reflection, I'll try what you say quister, improving the robe :)



The next version will be with the two versions bigger, white and black and without the position in the shirt for (I hope) final comments/suggestions :P



Thank you all!

yeah, definitely no reflections...

hope the text doesn't make the final cut, other than that love it



http://www.threadless.com/critique/13564/Paper_T

It looks very low-res and clipart-ish. I think what you have as a design as good, but you should refine your art work.

Looks like FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC, but with an ancient twist.

don't get me wrong, I still like it

SmasSive, remove the text from your next V. It doesn't matter how many times you write that it's not on the shirt, people are going to say get rid of the text. It's funny but that's the way it is.

New version with detailed black&white shirt

i don't like the black outline of the blood on the white sword. i also think the very end of the sword should be covered in blood, especially where the first crane's foot touches because they are sort of coming from the blood in a sense but the birds foot is coming from a white part on the sword. i'm not sure if i'm making a lot of sense but this has progressed a lot and is looking good!

Thanks jpeacockdesign! I'm going to fix the black outline and the blood in the top of the sword ;)



Thanks for your comment :)

This design is great, I really like it. Definitely $5 once you decide to sub it.

A little fix.

Blood comes to the top of the sword and a little black outline in the blood of the black shirt version.



Suggestions and comments are really appreciated :)

The angle of the head looking down is a tad awkward. The shoulders seem hunched. However, this may have been the struggling look you were aiming for. Nice work.

much better! i hate to be an ass and give another suggestion i should have given earlier but the hand being a different color than the face is kinda bothering me now. if it's not that big of a deal to anyone else i'd say submit it

Well... this is because if I don't put the hand in other color you're not able to see where the hand begins and where the robe ends... it's a bit ambiguous but it works. Think there's only two colors in samurai, three in all the design and it's a bit difficult to work with it :(



If anyone have a solution will be appreciated :)

The hand's working on the black on white one. Maybe change the hand to white on the black one and add a black line to the robe where the arm comes out. The bird coming off the sword looks better. Try making his left foot a drop shape to further the transition.

The bit of blood that's just coming out of his kimono looks a bit janky. It looks convex, whereas it should be concave-- basically it doesn't look like it fits the curve of his body. Otherwise it looks great!

Thanks to all :)



I'm not 100% convinced in the legs of samurai... do they look good? any suggestions to make it more 'real'?

Ah, cut-n-paste silhouettes again. You have a good idea here, but quality and originality of the elements count. I'm not convinced the legs look right, either. Work on the drapery of the robe, maybe.



Also, please stop spamming an advertisement of your critique on other people's critiques. ;o)

More definition of the Samurai--the lines on the head are kind of lost and some sharper edges of the fabric where it meets the ground woul d help. Decent concept, though.

I like the idea a lot. I like it on white.

maybe you can begin not wih a bird but with an inform spot of red blood and the birds come after....

it's better on white shirt ^_^

Thank you all for your suggestions comments.



I'll work on it :)

I've fixed some minor mistakes... any comment will be appreciated.

Thanks!

cool.

why is the hand hidden tho

the line that separates the chin from the robe would work around the wrist also - then the hand could exist in the same color as the face. the folds in the fabric at the elbow are great - try that idea around the legs - you might need to look at real fabric to see what it would do kneeling down. love love love the concept

I don't like the white version. The black is awesome ! :)

Love it, just a little thing : maybe try to separate the first bird a little bit of the sword ?

Hi,



I'm working in a new version, changes:

1- Right hand at the same color of the skin

2- Left arm and hand visible



Anything else?



el3ctroflo I'm not going to change the fisrt bird because I want it go out from the sword and blood.



Thanks for your comments :)

Heads up people are tired of birds. Not trying to be rude, but they are.

i like the white version... i think the bird are fine :)

Maybe you could just light the guy from behind on a dark shirt and the light source fades into the color of the shirt. See Japanese tea ritual below.



http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.anatol.org/images/japan/japan2/images/tea-ceremony-6.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.openplans.org/projects/astor-playa/tea-stand&h=512&w=704&sz=45&hl=en&start=218&um=1&tbnid=PvIazN-Fy04x9M:&tbnh=102&tbnw=140&prev=/images%3Fq%3Djapanese%2Btea%2Bceremony%2B%26start%3D200%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

Looks good. The white version...not so much, but the added detail on the black is good.

SmasSive, when you get to the site scroll down to jeff's pictures, it's the second one down from the top.

Thanks for the suggestions :)

@quister I know what you want to say but I don't want to put more details to the design... I like the minimal design.

@Lhiiiz, when you say you like the black version, is where the shirt is black? or black samurai?



Thank you all :)

I'll say it again: wrong knife. Just try to kill yourself with a sword like this! Zaebeshsya! It's impossible.

You're right Lobzz but isn't the most think I'm worried about... I think I'll do two versions of the knife on future releases.



Thank you for your opinion :)

Another version.

1. Left arm added

2. Right hand same color of skin

3. Some minor bugs fixed



What about legs? Any suggestions?



Thank you all! :)

Pretty awesome, although I personally don't like that the bird furthermost to the right is touching the sword

the hands were better before

Does this remind anyone else strongly of Flowers in the Attic?

Maybe that's just because that design is ingrained in my head now forever. . .

Seems that not everyone likes the new hands... :(

Who voted "Don't submit" could say the reason please.



Thank you

I voted "don't submit", and you know why )

the problem with the hands is that they need some varying line thickness like the rest of the details. you just outlined it in the thinnest line stroke possible. instead make it thicker where there would be more shadow and maybe add a little detail and shadow to the hand.

also i don't like the tiny little splatter you put at the end of the sword by the first birds foot. i'd say either go heavier on the splatter or get rid of it cause that little bit is really fine and not flowing how it should. it looks more like it's falling from the birds foot than coming from the end of the sword. i'd say you could probably go with V8 and submit

Ok, I'll try to do it jpeacockdesign :)



Lobz ok, I know



Thank you all

Maybe you should try more earthy colours. make the man dark brown and place it on a cream or sand coloured shirt. It would give it a more old look and it would soften it up. The man needs a little more detail maybe. The thin lines are a little too thin (shoulder, hair, hand/arm, line between the right arm and the rope, the lines under the belt on the rope, chin)... And I think I'm missing some part of a leg with the foot on the left. But I could be wrong. Hope I helped you out a bit.

Thank you Spieliewielie, I'll think about you said in your post... thank you again :)

New version with a little more detail... hope you like it.



Thanks for comments and suggestions :)

I saw this in the early versions and kind of forgot about it, this is awesome what you've done with the birds. The hands look pretty good...they're not supposed to distract you from the design so the simplicity is great.



I really like it on white because the wrinkles and highlights in the clothing stand out more and look much better.



You've done a great job and i think you should sub it. Good luck on the scoring!

Thank you for your comments. I'm glad to hear that :)

this is looking great i say submit

Thank you jpeacockdesign and the rest of users who has voted submit!



I'm waiting for more votes, so vote! :P

Any comments or suggestions?



I think tomorrow will be the last day on critique, if all goes fine I'll submit the shirt so... vote please and leave me your opinion.



Thanks!

this is the new flowers in the attic

Put a little round yellow smiley face sticker on his garment so it's not so serious

I love it---great concept and colors!

Hi to all, I think today will be the last day in critique...



Thank you for vote and let me know your opinion until I submit the shirt :)

love it!



But when I first lloked at it it wasn't clear the character was stabbing himself. Could you put a little blood on the front to make this more clear?...



Other than that I'd buy.



5

Thank you Stevealiano, I'll try it :)

It's looking better and better. This is a great example of how much designs can improve in critiques :)



I like the folds of fabric on the arm, and I think you should do some more of that on the legs, so you can see that he is kneeling. As it is, his lower half is just kind of... blobular.



Also, I agree with that guy who keeps saying to make the sword shorter. Having some poking out the back is okay, but with this length, he would need someone to help him get it in himself--the blade is longer than his arm.



Great design though; I love your color choice and use of the minimalist style.

Thank you happy tofu :)

Oooops sorry, go to 12v... Thank you!

I hope this is the final version.



Thank you!

F''in awesome!! I love this and would totally buy it.

you should make the birds/blood really dense at the end of the sword and then mitigate the birds as you get away from the source. it would look amazing and would look like they're actually squirting/flying out of him as oppose to merely flying to the left in the vicinity of him....which is what it looks like right now



I do really really like it

you should make the birds/blood really dense at the end of the sword and then mitigate the birds as you get away from the source. it would look amazing and would look like they're actually squirting/flying out of him as oppose to merely flying to the left in the vicinity of him....which is what it looks like right now



I do really really like it



(i apologize if this is a double post)

Hey! Thank you!

Don't say sorry brian, it's ok ;)



I think I'll submit shirt on monday :P

it's still the wrong sword though...

I'm new on threadless and was looking to see how the critiques worked, and I think this is a great example. I wanted to say you've been so patient and appreciative for days of critique on your design, and I think it's a great example of how a community creative process should work. I'm surprised it goes this well.



Your image is most fab as well. The minimal, high contrast colors are striking and for what it's worth, I think your decision to keep the longer sword for design reasons is an intelligent one.

Thank you Aeris, your opinion make me feel better.



Writed opinions are positive but votes isn't... :(

Well I don't get the people who vote "Don't submit" and don't leave a comment... however I think I'll wait some more time to submit this.



Thank you.

I think you should just go ahead and submit it. I'll honestly tell you that I like the design/idea very much, but that's just my opinion. In one of your previous versions 14 people told you to submit, forget about people who say you shouldn't. If you like it the way it is then its a reason to sub it.

I think you should just go ahead and submit it. I'll honestly tell you that I like the design/idea very much, but that's just my opinion. In one of your previous versions 14 people told you to submit, forget about people who say you shouldn't. If you like it the way it is then its a reason to sub it.

I think people who say "don't submit" and don't leave comments usually do that because they personally don't like the design... just a difference in taste. If you're confident with this then go with it!

Pretty awesome... I much prefer the black tee, FWIW.

Thank you, your comments make me feel better :)

Awesome! I like the white one!

Ok. Time to submit! ;)

It's submited so... I hope Threadless accept!

good improvement from 1 down to this......didnīt read all the comments but i like the idea of the disappearing soul in birds shape....

The imagery is very intense and meaningful. Looks like a Threadless T to me. Go for it.. submit it.



Critique me please!