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v1 How Do You Sleep?, current version








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dannywills
dannywills on Dec 20 '07
I thought of this one night when I could not get to sleep and was tossing and turning in my bed. I started to name the positions that I found myself in. See if you do any of these and let me know what you think.
Jemae
   Jemae on Dec 20 '07
interesting design! ..just i think it is a bit too big on tee! anyway cool idea! all the best to you dannywills! :D
DaniellesGarden
   DaniellesGarden on Dec 20 '07
I think the design would work better without any of the text..



if you leave the text in, try just one font. I know all the fonts are pretty, but sometimes things work better with just one.
quister
   quister on Dec 20 '07
There's a lot of good going on here but there's a few things getting in the way. The idea to depict the variations of sleep is sound, not as deep as Monet's variations of light on a haystack, ha ha, but interesting enough. The primary colors are good and appropriate for a children's illustration but the gray background is draining the life out of them. It's a night scene so navy or black would add to the theme and invigorate the other colors as well. You might have to change the blue to a brighter shade or use a secondary color. I agree with Jemae, it's too big. I agree with DG in losing at least the title. If you have to label a drawing it's usually not working hard enough. You might also reinvestigate the words over each child. Right now their trying too hard, meaning they're contrived from your own mind rather than having a natural quality. "Snore" would be a natural for the boy that's middle left, "dream" for the center child and "nightmare" for the bottom right kid or for a kid whose eyes are wide open. There's restless, yawn, sleep walking (great for the runner), slumber, awakening, zzzz's, you might even put a silhouette of a kid (flashlight glow) under a blanket reading for "awake" or "sneaking". I don't know, I would ask some mothers if they have names for their kids sleeping postures or habits. The drawings are charming and the layout is varied, interesting, and keeps the eye on the page. I'd change the expression of #2 and move him away from his flopped brother #1. You've got to change the expression of #3 or #4 so the cut and paste haters don't attack. The same for #5 and #7. You've changed arms, blanket positions, etc. so you didn't really just cut and paste but that won't stop them. Anyway, it's a great beginning but you need to put a bit more thought and work into it before it's fabulous. I have over a dozen nephews/nieces and twins are due this month so make it great and I'm good for a bunch of sales.
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